


In the Beginning

by ArtificialFlavorz



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: F/M, MWPP, MWPP Era, Marauders, Marauders era
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-12
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-01-08 10:04:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 57,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1131334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtificialFlavorz/pseuds/ArtificialFlavorz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the beginning, she was herself and he was himself, and in the end she was herself and he was himself, but in the middle, they were entangled.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> hullo! so this is a new marauders era fic that i am co-writing with jen. we run ofprongs.tumblr.com together and we thought it would be profitable for both of our social lives to spend our weekends writing harry potter fanfiction. please feel free to leave questions or reviews in the comments section. -zoe
> 
> Hiya! This is Jen, the owner of this account. Zoe basically said what was needed above. I just thought i'd point out that I'm here, too. -Jen
> 
> disclaimer(s):
> 
> 1\. we in no way own harry potter or any of the characters, we are simply embellishing on the wonderful world j.k. rowling has created for us. all credit goes to the lovely j.k. rowling
> 
> 2\. there are passages in the prologue copied from 'the deathly hallows' including lily and petunia's interaction in 'the prince's tale' on page 669-670 (u.s. paperback edition) and i am completely aware that the snape/lily/james/sirius interaction takes place in the train compartment in the book, however i have switched the interaction/dialogue on page 671-672 (u.s. paperback edition) to the great hall; basically all credit for the written dialogue from those two passages to j.k. rowling
> 
> 3\. i think that covers all plagiarizing/legal issues, so, without further ado, read on

_Platform 9¾, September first, 1971_

This was not how it was supposed to happen. She wasn’t supposed to feel lost and confused. She wasn’t supposed to be on the verge of tears. Petunia was not supposed to hate her.

And yet-- she did.

“...I’m sorry, Tuney, I’m sorry! Listen--” Lily grabbed her sister’s hand, gripping it tightly so that Petunia couldn’t pull away. She lowered her voice, “Maybe once I’m there-- no, listen, Tuney! Maybe once I’m there I’ll be able to go to Professor Dumbledore and persuade him to change his mind!”

Apparently this was not the right thing to say because Petunia’s expression had turned even colder and she succeeded in yanking her hand out of Lily’s hold, “You think I want to go to some stupid castle and learn to be a-- a-- you think I want to be a-- a freak?”

“I’m not a freak,” Lily’s tears were nearly spilling over, “That’s a horrible thing to say.”

“That’s where you’re going,” said Petunia harshly, “A special school for freaks. You and that Snape boy... weirdos, that’s what you two are. It’s good you’re being separated from normal people. It’s for our safety.”

Lily wasn’t supposed to say it, but it slipped out of her mouth before she could stop it. And maybe there would always be a small part of her that thought Petunia deserved it, but-- “You didn’t think it was such a freak’s school when you wrote to the headmaster and begged him to take you.”

At this, Petunia turned a violent shade of red, “Beg? I didn’t beg!”

“I saw his reply. It was very kind.”

“You shouldn’t have read-- that was my private-- how could you-- ?” Petunia’s voice had lowered to an angry whisper. Lily glanced quickly at Severus, who was standing with his mother, studying Lily and her sister intently, “That boy found it! You and that boy have been sneaking in my room!”

Petunia looked as horrified as Lily felt, “No-- not sneaking-- Severus saw the envelope, and he couldn’t believe a Muggle could have contacted Hogwarts, that’s all! He says there must be wizards working undercover in the postal service who take care of--”

“Apparently wizards poke their noses in everywhere!” spat Petunia, her face had returned to it’s normal color but she still looked furious, “Freak!”

Lily tried to protest but her sister had turned on her heel and stalked over to their parents. Lily felt like crying, but she refused to. It was her first day at Hogwarts, for Christ’s sake. It was supposed to be a happy occasion; she had waited for this since she was nine. Lily looked over to where her parents had been standing; they were no longer there and neither was Petunia, but their strained goodbyes now seemed like a joyous occasion to her sister’s own one. She looked around the train station, feeling lost. It was not a regular occurrence for her to be without her family-- usually they were hovering nearby, her sister subconsciously fixing Lily’s dress or tucking back a loose strand of her red hair, her mother pressing her sharp nails into her daughter’s shoulder, asking her a series of questions that Lily simply could not answer, ones like, “Did you pack enough socks?” or “Lily, dearest, why don’t you stand up straight?” (How many socks were “enough”? How rigid did her back need to be in order to impress upon her mother that her posture was straight?) and her father off to the side, silent, as always. But her family hadn’t exactly been acting in accordance to normal behavior since Lily had received her acceptance letter. She should have known that her family wouldn’t stick around long, that the firm kiss her mother had planted on her cheek and the squeeze her father had left on her shoulder would be their only goodbyes, that Tuney would--

Lily picked up her trunk, pushing Petunia as far out of her mind as she could and forcing herself to remember just how excited she was about going to Hogwarts as she climbed up the stairs to the train. 

* * *

James Potter was in no way, whatsoever, worried about Hogwarts. He was, in fact, very far from worried. Discomfort and anxiety were two things rarely felt by James Potter. He hardly felt the need to concern himself with matters such as whether his tie was tied properly-- something his mother was very keen to ensure-- or how important it was to make a good first impression with the teachers-- something his father had tended to drop into the conversation every twenty minutes or so since they had left for the train station. No, James Potter lacked any form of distress as he gave his father a fleeting hug, promising to write eventually, a promise that was vague at best but one he secretly intended to keep. James did not agonize over any small, unimportant details as he gave his mother a quick peck on the cheek, much to his dissatisfaction, and made a quick escape towards the train to avoid further public displays of affection, from his mother for Merlin’s sake. He lugged his overly-heavy trunk behind him, refusing to look back, because really, he, James Potter, would not show any sign of uncertainty, and really, there was nothing to be afraid of anyway.

Except, perhaps, the small thing with red hair hurtling into him with a force that seemed extremely unnatural for someone of such little stature.

“Urgh, watch where you’re going,” James snapped impatiently.

The girl looked up at him, falling back slightly from the force of knocking into someone at least four inches taller than her. Her brow creased, “Jesus-Christ-I’m-so-sorry-oh-my-god- sorry-did-I-hurt-you-are-you-okay!”

She looked slightly breathless, and very distressed, though James could certainly understand the breathless part. He smirked slightly, “Don’t worry ‘bout it. Lost?”

“No,” the girl stuttered, “I was just, um, going over to that compartment. Right.” She added the last bit on as if to convince herself that that was, indeed what she was doing.

“Right,” James said, fighting the urge to roll his eyes, because she really did look very lost and very confused and quite honestly he was afraid she might burst into tears, something he wholeheartedly wished to avoid. “Yeah, well, if you need, like, help or something...” Up close her freckles looked like constellations.

“No, I’m fine,” she squeaked. She seemed to have regained some of her composure at this point, though a horrified look slipped onto her face, “Jesus Christ, sorry that was very rude. Here you are offering to help me and I didn’t even thank you. Thank you. By the way.”

Now he really wanted to laugh, “Like I said, don’t worry ‘bout it. And what in the name Merlin’s beard is Jesus Christ?”

The girl gave him a funny look, one eyebrow raised slightly and she looked as though she didn’t think he was being serious. After a short moment of studying him to see if he indeed, was being serious, she opened her mouth and said promptly, “Not ‘what’, who.”

James was about to respond to this, however the girl turned sharply and walked the exact opposite direction of the compartment she had nodded towards earlier. James thought it would be in both of their best interests to not mention this.

* * * 

“Oh my God, Sev, I’m so glad I found you,” Lily had just walked right past the compartment Severus was occupying and had only realized this when Severus stuck his head out the door and called after her. She had then proceeded to turn around and collapse onto one of the seats in the compartment while Severus took the liberty of shoving her luggage onto the luggage rack. He was inclined to point out that technically, it was he who had found her, but she did look rather flushed and out of breath so he decided against making that particular point. He was saved from even having to respond at all, as Lily caught her breath and continued talking, “Tuney hates me.”

“Oh?” Severus prompted, despite having seen Lily argue with her sister on the platform.

“Yes, oh my God--” she looked like she was about to cry.

“Okay, don’t think about it. We’re going to Hogwarts, yeah?” Severus said quickly, cutting her off, “Think about that.”

Lily sighed and took a deep breath. She still looked very upset, but she said in a small voice, “Yeah, okay, yeah. Tell me about the Hogwart’s houses again.”

Severus rolled his eyes, smiling slightly at the excitement she had been showing since she had gotten her acceptance letter. He privately thought it was ridiculous that Lily had showed such a large amount of surprise when she had gotten the letter. She had known, since she was nine, that she was a witch. He didn’t really understand how she could doubt the credibility of her abilities, considering how talented she was, even without a wand. But he didn’t mind really; her eyes lit up when she got excited so he had no problem telling her about Hogwarts, even if it was for what seemed like the two hundredth time.

“Right,so there are four houses. Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Gryffindor, and Slytherin. Slytherin’s the best, see, it’s full of powerful, cunning witches and wizards...”

 * * * 

Sirius Black would not have considered himself to be a noble person. At age eleven, he had already told more lies and broken more rules than his mother would ever care to admit. It wasn’t as though he was a _bad_ person, but he didn’t exactly go out of his way to be good. That would involve pleasing his mother, and that would never be acceptable in his book. The wretched woman needed a few burning curtains and bewitched plates to deflate her head every once in awhile, and if that meant disobeying the rules and lying his ass off to get away with it all, he was perfectly willing to do so.

There was also the fact that the word noble reminded him of all the bullshit thrown at him about "The Noble House of Black” and Merlin forbid he ever embraced that idea. No five words made him want to throw up more-- “The Noble House of Black”-- who were they kidding?

So, in short, Sirius did not think of himself as noble. And he very nearly did walk past the poor chubby boy getting picked on by some older kids, maybe third or fourth years. And yet, there was something that stopped him, (looking back he would probably say that it was because the kids reminded him of some choice members of his family) and so Sirius stopped, placed his luggage on the ground, turned around, walked right up to the light haired boy with a pointy nose and oh-so-politely told the boy to “piss off and leave the poor kid alone, you great big prat”.

The light haired boy, did not seem to have expected this, but he quickly sneered in response, “Or what?”

“Or I’ll make you,” Sirius snapped.

“How you gonna do that?” This kid was really pressing on his nerves-- something about him very much reminded Sirius of a great uncle who had once come to dinner and spent the whole time telling Sirius how he would never amount to anything-- and Sirius really didn’t feel like being messed with, so he did the most sensible thing he could think of doing.

He punched the boy in the face.

The light haired boy really wasn’t expecting the punch, even less so than he had expected Sirius to defend the chubby boy in the first place. The boy's friends seemed very taken aback as well, particularly at the large amount of blood now spilling from the boy’s nose, and before anyone could do anything else, Sirius picked up his his luggage with one hand and with the other, grabbed the chubby boy by the back of his shirt collar and half pulled, half dragged him away and into a nearby compartment.

Excellent timing, he noted, considering the bright jet of blue that ricocheted off the door frame of the compartment as Sirius slammed the door shut. He pushed the chubby kid onto one of the seats, wondering why the hell he had just done what he had, and sat down across from him, after dropping his trunk on the floor. It was about the time that the trunk hit the floor that both boys realized there was another living being already occupying the compartment in which they had abruptly entered. His nose was stuck in a book, what looked like "Hogwarts: A History", and he slowly looked up from his page at the two boys standing in front of him, a startled expression on his face, eyes registering the slight blood stains on Sirius’ knuckles.

“Er...hello,” the third boy said hesitantly.

“Hey there, mate,” Sirius responded, as if there was nothing strange about his arrival.

Following this, was an incredibly elongated silence.

“Right, well I’m Sirius,” Sirius decided to mention after a moment, “And this here is, er...” He trailed off, gesturing towards the chubby boy.

“Peter Pettigrew,” the boy, Peter, mumbled.

The boy behind the book opened his mouth to respond, but as he did so, the compartment door slid open again, revealing a skinny, though fit, and rather gangly boy with round glasses and a mop of black hair on his head. This boy was grinning widely.

“Mate,” he said, looking at Sirius, “That was a fantastic punch.”

At this, the boy behind the book looked even more startled, however the boy with the glasses seemed completely unfazed. He stuck out his hand towards Sirius, “James Potter.”

“Sirius Black,” Sirius felt himself grinning back at James, who still seemed completely impressed by Sirius, as he stood up and shook the boy's hand.

“And who’re you lot?” James questioned, examining the two other boys.

“Well this here is Peter Pettigrew,” Sirius pointed towards Peter, “And this is er... yeah, who’re you? You never said.”

“I was going to,” the boy behind the book said defensively, “Only I was interrupted.” He looked accusingly at James.

“Ah, sorry, Mate,” James said, though he didn’t look the least bit remorseful, “So what’s your name, then? Still haven’t told us. Bit shady of you, really.”

Though James was clearly messing with him, the boy looked very flustered, “Remus... Lupin.” He added his last name on as an afterthought.

“Brilliant, well,” James put his luggage on the luggage rack, and proceeded to sit down, side stepping Sirius’ trunk, which was still lying half open on the floor, “Might as well relax, we’ve got a long ride, I believe.”

Sirius followed James’ actions, sitting across from the boy. They both looked at Peter, who was standing there, looking slightly dumbfounded to have found himself in a compartment with not one, but three boys. Not only that, but they were inviting him to sit down, not mocking him or making fun of him.

“Well?” Sirius looked at him, “You gonna sit down mate? Potter here said it was gonna be a long ride, I don’t think you’d want to stand for all of it, right?”

“Right. No, um...” Peter too, shoved his luggage next to James’ and sat down across from Remus, who had returned to his book.

“Now tell me,” James prompted, once again looking at Sirius, “Where in Merlin’s beard did you learn to punch like that?”

 * * *

“I think we’re here,” James commented as the train rolled to a stop. Remus opened his mouth, about to point out that this was a pretty unnecessary remark (because really, where else would they be?) but he was interrupted by the loud crash that was Peter pulling his trunk off the luggage rack and onto himself; a force which effectively knocked the boy flat on to his back. Sirius snickered, his intolerance of teasing  appearing to only apply to other people. (James had animatedly described Sirius’ heroics, otherwise known as ‘saving Peter’s ass’, to Remus at some point during the journey).

“Alright there Pettigrew?” James looked like he was stopping himself from laughing, but he reached over and pulled Peter’s trunk off him, “Merlin’s beard, what have you got in there?”

Peter shrugged at this, straightening his robes. Remus didn’t realize that he hadn’t actually moved since the train had stopped, until all three of them were staring at him expectantly.

“Alright there, Lupin?” James asked.

“Yes, of course,” Remus replied briskly. He stood up and reached for his trunk, now the only one remaining on the rack. It was much smaller than James’ and Sirius’ and even Pettigrew’s (though not by as much of a significant amount) and it looked far more shabby than any of them. His robes too, he noticed now, where much more disheveled and over all _old_ looking. They fell a little bit higher around his ankles than the rest of the boys’ robes did, and he was fairly sure none of them had a reddish-brown patch sewn onto the elbow. He sighed, figuring James’ friendliness was simply a matter of being cordial-- why would a rich boy like him want to be friends with someone like Remus?-- but regardless, he followed the three boys out of the compartment and off the train.

* * * 

Lily was very nervous. Very, very, very nervous, to be exact. She didn’t really understand how Severus could stand in the great big hall, that they had just been ordered to wait in, and remain so calm. Her distress over Petunia had been replaced by a horribly anxious feeling in her stomach, and she wasn’t quite sure which one was worse. Really, how was Sev so calm?

“I can't believe we’re at Hogwarts!” Severus said, voice high with excitement . Lily smiled in spite of herself as Severus continued, “You’d better be in Slytherin.”

“Slytherin?” a voice behind them caused Lily to jump. (She was very jumpy, a side affect of being nervous, she assumed.) She and Severus turned to see the boy from the train, the one she'd rambled to and frankly, she thought, made a fool of herself in front of. She realized that she still didn’t know his name as the boy continued, “Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I’d leave, wouldn’t you?” The boy turned to his friend, a slightly shorter boy with long, black hair.

This boy, however, didn’t smile, “My whole family have been in Slytherin.”

“Blimey,” the first boy said, “and I thought you seemed all right!”

At this, the second boy did smile, “Maybe I’ll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you’ve got the choice?”

“Gryffindor, ‘where dwell the brave at heart!’ Like my dad.” His brown eyes lit up with an excitement that rivaled that of Sev's.

Severus snorted, at this, though Lily didn’t really understand why. The first boy, seemed offended enough, though, to turn from his friend to Severus.

“Got a problem with that?”

“No,” Severus sneered, “If you’d rather be brawny than brainy--”

“Where’re you hoping to go, seeing as you’re neither?” the second boy, with the long hair interjected. Both he and the boy from the train burst into laughter.

Lily looked at both boys in disgust. Really, she had though the first boy seemed nice enough, if not a tad arrogant, but she hadn’t pegged him as the complete prick he was swiftly becoming.

“Come on, Severus, let’s go somewhere else.” She hissed, glaring at the two boys.

“Oooooo...” The first boy tried to trip Severus as they walked away, “See ya, Snivellus!”

 * * * 

Remus wasn’t actually nervous. He already knew he was going to be in Ravenclaw. He had constantly been submerged in books since he'd learned to read and he had a certain knack for remembering all sorts of knowledge, even the seemingly unimportant stuff. (He knew six-hundred-and-seven ways to get rid of a pixie infestation, and he was damn proud of it.) So he wasn’t exactly nervous, but he couldn’t help feel some... anticipation... surrounding the sorting hat ceremony (the star of which had just burst into a very detailed song about the school). He had read about the sorting hat as well, but he kept the knowledge to himself. He didn’t think James or Sirius would find any information on the bewitched object very interesting.

Professor McGonagall had begun to read out the names of the first years, most of whom were pale and terrified looking. Remus had lost sight of Sirius, who had already been sorted into Gryffindor, but he noticed Peter trembling among the pale and terrified and James, as he snuck glances at a short girl with a head of long, red hair, standing just a few feet away. James' eyes followed the girl as McGonagall called, "Evans, Lily" and she slowly walked up to the stool and sat down.

After just a second of being on the girl’s head, the hat exclaimed, “Gryffindor!”

Remus heard a small groan behind him and turned to see a greasy kid with black hair and robes just a little too big for him, obviously hand me downs, glaring at the sorting hat, as if he held some kind of personal vendetta against it. (Remus couldn't help but sympathize with him on the robe part.) The newest Gryffindor, Lily, took off the hat and handed it back to Professor McGonagall. She smiled slightly at the greasy kid behind Remus, then walked quickly to the Gryffindor table. Remus' eyes found Sirius again as the boy moved over on the bench to make space for Lily. Lily, however, glared at him, though Remus wasn’t sure what for, and moved to sit somewhere else.

McGonagall’s sharp voice cut through Remus’ thoughts as she called out his name and he dutifully walked up to the stool and put the hat on.

“Hmm... lots of brains, I see, you would do well in Ravenclaw,” the hat murmured, “But there’s something very loyal about you... something courageous..."

"What?" Remus found himself asking, confused at the course the hat had taken.

"Yes, yes," the hat continued, unfazed by Remus' interjection, "I suspect you'd act quite bravely when pushed to do so... Ah yes... better be Gryffindor!”

Remus was shocked. Him? Gryffindor? He was far from brave, really, he had never done anything of that sort in his life. As the great hall was filled with claps, Remus handed the hat back to McGonagall and went to sit next to Sirius, still in shock as he watched Peter and then James get sorted into Gryffindor.

James was grinning widely as he sat down across from Sirius and Remus, “Blimey, this is great! The four of us, yeah?”

Sirius laughed, “We’ll have to start a gang, now, I suppose. I vote Lupin as leader, definitely the most terrifying.”

To Remus’ surprise, he found himself laughing, “I dunno, I think Peter is much more scary.”

James laughed and Peter giggled awkwardly. Sirius looked at Remus in disbelief, “Did you-- did you just make a joke?”

“Look how far he’s come,” James added, “I remember back on the train...”

“That was about three hours ago,” Peter pointed out.

“I feel like a proud parent...” Sirius grinned at James.

“Oh I’m so glad,” Remus remarked, matching the other boys’ grins, “All I ever wanted to do was make you lot proud. I’ve been aspiring it for as long as I’ve known you, which has been...what, four hours?”

“Three.” Peter corrected him once more.


	2. Don't Be Boring.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because Remus is, in fact, very, very boring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is in continued co-authorship with Zoe, my fellow owner of ofprongs.tumblr.com.  
> All rights and ownership of the Harry Potter Series and its characters belong to J.K. Rowling.

_Hogwarts Express, September first, 1977_

Lily Evans threw her trunk into the rack above her seat in the train compartment, fuming. She was seething, really, her face nearly as red as her hair. As she sat herself across from her friend, she glared out the window with a glower so malicious that, had the scenery been animated, it surely would’ve been quivering where it stood.

Her friend opened her mouth to ask what had Lily so completely angered, however Lily wasted no time blurting out, “Did you see he’s got a stupid new haircut?”

“Yes, I did, Lily. And I was very much under the impression that you hated his hair previously. I believe your exact word choice was ‘unsanitary’. Wouldn’t you like it better now that it’s not long and shaggy anymore? Now I’m just as obliged to detest James Potter as you are, but we might as well detest him for a real reason, Merlin knows there are plenty, because then our hatred for him will be much more valid,” her friend said reasonably, followed with a sigh.

“Well Alice,” Lily said indignantly, “It’s not only that! I’m pretty sure that he and Jennifer Dawn have snogged in every bathroom on this train!” Lily found that nearly everything James Potter seemed to do upset her, and she didn’t really care if Alice thought her reasons were valid enough. She _did_ have valid reasons to hate him, and that made the not so valid reasons okay.

Alice merely rolled her eyes and settled back into her seat, not bothering to argue with Lily on this topic, “Relax, Lil. You’re Head Girl now. That’s bloody awesome. And you know what else that means? You have full capabilities to hand out detention to James and Sirius. Besides, you’ll be really busy with N.E.W.T.S. and Head Girl duties, I honestly think James Potter will be the least of your worries this year.”

Lily sighed, crossing her arms, her argument defeated by Alice’s obviously flawless logic. She was consoled by the sole knowledge of the fact that there was no way in ever-loving Hell James Potter would be Head Boy. And if James Potter was not Head Boy, Lily would have the privilege of not having to spend time with him and his stupidly cut and coiffed head of hair.

 * * *

James Potter was sick to death of snogging. Really, he was. He felt like he’d spent the last three weeks of his life with his tongue solidly jammed down someone’s throat. He was quite surprised that that someone was not sick to death of snogging as well, seeing as she had a tiny mouth and a masterful gag reflex (proving that Sirius was right-- James had no taste in what was and wasn’t a useful female accessory, which is why, naturally, James found himself the accessory on an excessive number of occasions).

It wasn’t that his current girlfriend wasn’t fit-- she was blonde and curvaceous and pretty much perfectly in his league-- but she didn’t have much of an imagination. Shagging in a broom closet? Eh. Snogging in a train compartment? Not creative. Especially while his friends watched. (And really, going at in the train bathrooms-- how many times had that been done before?) James put minimal effort into the display of apparent affection, eyes still open, tongue kind of moving halfheartedly as the girl (Leah? Jessica? Jessica.) straddled him and ran her tongue along the inside of his mouth.

Sirius was really the only one watching. Remus had his head buried in that morning’s Daily Prophet, and Peter was watching out the window-- eyes glazed over slightly.

James pulled away, staring into the eyes of the girl, trying to think of how to say exactly what he was thinking of without hurting her feelings, “Jessica--”

“Jennifer,” She frowned at him.

“Right, sorry. Jennifer. It’s not working out. I’m breaking up with you.”

She rolled her eyes, climbing off his lap, “Sure, okay, James. You can treat this like it was something serious if you want to. I thought we were just snogging and shagging for the Hell of it.” She then turned, pointing at Sirius, “You. Me. Hogsmeade. First weekend. Don’t be late.”

The boy nodded, flipping his dark hair away from his eyes and winking at her as she slammed the glass door to the compartment behind her.

James was a little taken aback, staring down Sirius as the other boy laughed. “Mate, did you poach my ex-girlfriend?”

“Maybe. Though, really James, the technical term is ‘rebound’. And would you really call her an ex-girlfriend? She didn’t seem to think very highly of your relationship. Don't think it really qualified as that, mate.”

Remus pulled himself away from the paper long enough to glance at the two of them, “Come off it, Padfoot. Your type doesn’t rebound-- they ricochet.”

“Well look who’s managed to pull himself away from the Prophet long enough to talk to his bloody best friends. And what do you mean by that, Moony?” Sirius looked mildly intrigued, which James recognized as the signal to take a step back from the confrontation. An interested Sirius Black was a dangerous Sirius Black.

“All I’m saying is try to avoid diseases.”

“Jennifer doesn't have diseases. Does she James?”

James could feel himself being pulled into the argument, something that never ended well, so he stood, making some excuse about going to change into his robes. He received a jeer from Sirius (“Aw, come off it, Prongs. You? Shy with your body? Never.”) and left Wormtail to fend for himself among the bickering Remus and Sirius.

James wandered down the hallway, glancing every so often into random compartments, not sure exactly who he was looking for. He managed to barely avoid some fellow members of the Gryffindor quidditch team, dressed in their team robes, who tried to assault him with some kind of illicit Muggle drink. James refused, feeling a bit awkward at rejecting the offer to rebel. But he had things to do. He didn’t know who, but he was searching for someone.

He wondered, briefly if it was Jennifer. He did feel a bit bad, breaking up with her on the pretext of too much snogging, but really, that was all the relationship was. And to be fair, it didn’t seem as though she was all that upset. Hadn’t she turned to Sirius less than three seconds later?

James paused for a moment, noticing the briefest flash of red hair in the compartment to his right. Was that--? He grinned.

 * * * 

Lily was looking gloomily out the window, lost in her thoughts, when the compartment door slid open and revealed the infamous James Potter, otherwise known as the last person she wanted to see at that moment. In her defense, Lily had had a particularly horrid summer, and she didn’t particularly like James Potter either. Even if Severus wasn’t her best friend anymore (something that still caused a dull pain in Lily’s heart if she thought about it for too long), she couldn’t help but disliking the boy who had antagonized Sev since they'd met. And then there was the fact that James dedicated a ridiculously large amount of his time to relentlessly teasing and pestering her, no matter what she said to him. So really, it was fair that Lily was nothing close to pleased when James Potter, smiling brightly (with his stupid coiffed hair), decided to bless her with his presence.

“Evans! How was your summer?”

Lily decided she would go for blunt. She was in a bit of a blunt mood. She felt like kicking something too, “It was delightful, Potter. My mother died.”

Alright, maybe she was in a _very_ blunt mood.

James’ face froze, the smile falling away, “You’re kidding.”

“No, Potter. As much as I’d love to be joking about that sort of thing, I’m not.” Lily tried to keep herself from breaking her steady tone of voice. It was something she hadn’t really talked about or even mentioned to anyone but Alice, who had, bless her heart, come to the funeral.

So okay, maybe she was feeling a bit like crying, too.

“Evans-- Lily. I’m so sorry,” Lily was slightly taken aback by how sincere James’ voice sounded, and she found herself looking anywhere but his face. Sincerity and James Potter did not go hand in hand, and Lily’s emotions had already been through the wringer, so she wasn’t exactly sure how to handle James Potter acting out of character. It made her chest feel funny.

She sighed, suddenly wishing she hadn’t said anything at all, especially to James, “Thanks, Potter, but I don’t really have the time or energy for the whole James show right now. I’d rather you just left me alone.”

James paused, whatever witty retort he had prepared falling short on his tongue as he noticed Lily’s expression. Something within him felt horrible-- like he really shouldn’t have intruded on whatever conversation Lily and Alice had been having before. He felt like sputtering, like apologizing profusely and maybe giving Lily a pat on the back because, honestly, she looked in desperate need of being comforted. Instead, he pasted on his trademark cocky smile and winked at Alice, who, having remained silent through the whole interaction, glared at him.

He exited the way he came, purchasing a few chocolate frogs from the sweets trolley as he passed it on his return to his compartment. He wondered how he would explain his lack of robes to his friends and smiled a bit at the idea of clipping his shiny new Head Boy badge, tucked somewhere in his trunk, onto his robes. He specifically focused on everything but the fact that he had, once again, made an ass out of himself in front of Lily Evans.

All he wanted was a cigarette and a conversation that didn’t involve snogging or dead mothers. Was that too much to bloody ask?

 * * *

Lily made her way towards the Prefect and Head Boy and Girl compartments, ignoring Alice’s call of “if she saw that cute Frank boy there to…” Lily had perfected the art of tuning her friend out to a tee, and had missed the end of her command; she didn’t really want to know what it had entailed. With Alice, these kind of things could range between a simple invitation to Hogsmeade on the weekend to directions on how exactly to sneak up to the girl’s dormitory without being caught. Lily didn’t really feel comfortable providing Frank Longbottom with either bit of information, so she ignored the command and focused on adjusting her robes.

She was early to the meeting-- she was always early with this sort of thing-- so she pulled her badge out of her pocket and made to pin it onto her robes. She kept missing, stabbing her finger multiple times with the sharp end of the pin, and she wondered if it was a sign.

But what else could possibly go wrong? It was a morbid way to console herself-- to focus on the death of her mother and how absolutely messed up her life was in that moment (Petunia’s everlasting silence and the growth of distance between her father and her) and how things could not possibly get any worse-- but it worked. Her morbid subconscious was right-- she could not possibly feel any worse about her life than she did in that moment, and she allowed herself to be comforted by the fact.

The meeting began right on time, the only thing missing was the new Head Boy. Lily felt herself getting increasingly nervous as the seconds ticked by, waiting to see who the new Head Boy would be. The suspense from the pin foretelling would surely kill her.

And then, because Lily’s fate was to suffer as much as possible, the new Head Boy rolled in, six minutes late, wearing jeans under his robes and a smile that was even cockier than usual.

“Hello, everybody,” he ran a hand through his obnoxiously stupid haircut, messing it up more than was really necessary. Lily felt like puking. She really, truly did. Some morbid part of here felt extremely satisfied that she had been right and apparently, Alice’s solid reasoning did not apply to reality, where all bets were off.

Lily could not fathom any reason why James Potter would be Head Boy. Quidditch captain, sure. But Head Boy? Sure he was smart and he knew how to get on a teacher’s good side, but she had assumed that those factors would be cancelled out by the fact that he and Sirius had been the reason for bewitched objects, flaming books, explosions, and overall chaos since they had arrived at Hogwarts. Not to mention he owned an ego the size of Great Britain. Either there had been some mistake in choosing the Head Boy candidates, or Albus Dumbledore was off his rocker.

 * * *

Sirius Black was bored out of his skull. James had left for his newfound Head Boy responsibilities that Sirius would never have 1) expected James to receive and 2) expected James to follow through on. And yet, James had done both. The boy had changed.

Well, not changed exactly. People never really changed; Sirius had learned that the hard way. With the exception of Moony, who changed once a month, but that was a completely different circumstance. People just did not change. _Especially_ James Potter, who could barely be persuaded to change his socks after Quidditch practice, let alone his habits. So why in Merlin’s name would he drop a perfectly good discussion-- muggle magazines (particularly Playboy, which Sirius had discovered a few summers back in his desperate flails at rebellion from his pureblood mother), professors (had anyone retired?), the Quidditch world cup (why couldn’t we have gotten tickets?), and girls (blimey, did they discuss that subject to death)-- for some congregation of nerds in shiny badges taking place in some back compartment of the Hogwarts Express? The reasoning completely escaped him. He took his wand out of his back pocket and tapped Remus with it. Remus flinched.

“Watch where you’re pointing that,” he kept his eyes glued to the newspaper, appearing to be scanning the obituaries.

“Don’t be such a scaredy wolf.”

Peter tapped Sirius’ shoulder, eyes a tiny bit crossed in the way they always were, “Don’t point the wand at him, Sirius.”

Sirius was a bit taken aback-- Peter couldn't defend himself, let alone other people. What had gotten in to everyone? Had they all decided to change everything about themselves and dump six years of tradition in the trash? Why had Sirius not been informed of this plan?

He would not stand for it. Sirius tapped the wand on Remus’ head again, ignoring Peter’s attempt at defense and grinned, “Come on, Moony. Say something interesting.”

Remus rolled his eyes and set down the Prophet. “Anti-muggle-born violence has increased by 78% in the last four months.”

Sirius leaned back, torn between actually discussing the figure and making a snarky comeback. He decided on the comeback after deliberation.

“I said interesting, Remus, not boring as Hell.”

“I thought it was interesting, Padfoot.”

“Interesting is knockers, Remus. Knockers and action and quidditch. Interesting is not statistics.”

“I thought it was interesting, Moony,” Peter piped up from behind Sirius, who shoved an elbow into his soft stomach.

“Thank you, Wormtail,” Remus sighed, picking the paper up once more and flipping to the page he was on. Sirius froze as his eyes fell on the top of the page, which featured a large spread of the most notorious hate crime perpetrators. He knew the young woman laughing maniacally in the left hand corner.

“Hang on, Moony.” He stared at it, her wild black hair whipping around her face as her eyes sparkled in a malicious way Sirius was far too familiar with.

“For the last time, Padfoot, I have absolutely no interest in discussing female anatomy with you.”

“Not that,” he tapped the photo of the woman with his still outstretched wand, “Her. I know her.”

Remus Lupin looked interested, “You know her? Isn’t she a bit old for you, mate?”

Peter snickered, and Sirius dug his elbow deeper into his stomach.

“Very funny, Lupin. That’s my cousin. Bella.”

Oh,” Remus responded awkwardly. He had always known that Sirius had come from a family of ‘not-good-people’, but he’d always figured that he’d overemphasized the severity of the ‘not-goodness’.

Sirius tended to lie-- usually blatantly, and usually for the hell of it. He’d heard about Sirius’ cousin Bella once or twice before, though; about how she was absolutely his mother’s favorite and how their summer after their fifth year he’d come home from Hogwarts for vacation and found the 24-year old occupying his room. Apparently his mother claimed that his sharing a room with his brother was a ‘temporary situation’. This had lasted the entire three months of summer vacation, leading up to the morning of September 1st, when Sirius would sneak away from his house to accompany James and his family to the train station. His mother had been too busy to say goodbye, anyway, but it wasn’t as if Sirius really minded. He felt perfectly inclined to disappear from his house as he please, leaving his mother to fret over Bella and Regulus and not realize he was gone until Reg mentioned something.

It was the same plan every year-- leave undetected and he could exist undetected. And every year, maybe the third week of the semester, there would be a Howler just for him. That year, of course, had been a bit different, as he never bothered to go home at the beginning of vacation, merely appearing on James’ front porch and demanding a spot either on his floor or in the guest room.

“So she’s one of the--”

“Yeah.”

Peter was oddly quiet-- he was staring over Sirius’ shoulder with the sort of glazed expression he'd been wearing earlier-- Remus couldn’t quite pinpoint it, but if he had to guess, he’d call it horror, bordering on terror.

They were practically silent for the rest of the train ride, Sirius interrupting Remus’ reading every few minutes, searching for entertainment and humor in a desperate and vain attempt at surviving without James for one whole hour.

By the time he returned, Sirius was practically crying tears of boredom. He’d released six chocolate frogs into the compartment for entertainment; Remus had eaten them. He’d tried to play Exploding Snap with Peter and the game had fallen off the seat and sort of, well, sort of exploded. He’d singed his trousers. He’d resorted to combing his hair for the last twenty minutes, and, when James slid through the compartment door, Sirius nearly tackled him. Nearly, naturally, implying that he tried to but missed, and wound up sort of clinging to James’ feet while he lay face down on the floor.

“Thank Merlin you’re back. Moony is exceptionally boring and Wormtail is horrible at exploding snaps.”

James shook his head, untangling his feet from Sirius’ grip and clicking his tongue in disapproval. “Now, now, Moony. What is the one rule of the Marauders, hmm?”

Remus ignored him, continuing to read the obituaries page of the Prophet, seemingly absorbed by the life story of some old woman in Liverpool.

“Come on Moony. Three words.”

Remus continued to ignore him, squinting at the fine print at the bottom of an ad for Grindylow extermination.

“Don’t…” began James, nudging Sirius with his foot, so that he raised his head, glared at James’ foot, then turned to look at Remus.

“Be...” Sirius quipped, turning back to glower at James’ foot. He looked almost as if he was going to bite it.

“Boring!” piped up Peter, grinning at them, as if proud of himself for remembering the rule.

“No, Wormtail,” sighed Sirius, sitting up, turning his attention from Moony to Peter, “That’s Remus’ rule. Yours is five words.”

“What’s my rule?”

“Don’t be a cock-block.”

That shut him up very quickly. James, feeling a slight twinge of remorse for Peter, who seemed a little offended by the rule, smirked. “Well at least you don’t have Sirius’ rule.”

“Don’t chew on my trainers,” muttered Remus, still seemingly absorbed in his paper.

“Right,” grinned Sirius, standing up and brushing off non-existent dust from his robes, “But _at least_ you don’t need to learn a new rule, like Prongs has to.”

“Prongs has to do what now?” James was taken aback. A new rule? Wasn’t ‘let Moony get at least _some_  of the dessert’ good enough for them?

“Yes, dearest James. A new rule,” Sirius grinned, “Your new rule is a record-breaking thirteen words.”

Remus had pulled himself out of his paper, and now was watching the exchange with a certain measure of amusement, “Well, Padfoot, let’s hear it.”

Sirius grinned at him, “Thank you for the support, Wolf boy. How ‘bout you, Wormtail? Do you want to hear the new rule?”

The train began to slow down as Peter nodded and Sirius threw his hands up behind his head, casually turning to James and grinning widely, ticking the words off on his fingers, “Do not make an ass out of yourself in front of Lily Evans.”


	3. Bloody Flowers.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God dammit, James.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my loves! here's chapter two; i hope you enjoy it. comments and reviews are always welcome. -z  
> Yeah. Hey. Enjoy it. *passive agressively loves you* -j

_The Quidditch Pitch, September twenty first, 1977_

James Potter was trying to blow smoke rings. He knew it wouldn’t happen. Smoke rings were for pipes and he smoked cigarettes. But still, it was fun to try. Sort of.

Not really.

Really, he was bored. And when he was bored, he tended to fill the time with bad or pointless ideas-- like trying to blow smoke rings while he waited for Sirius to finish showering with Theresa Thornton.

James was very tempted to leave him there-- to head back up to the castle and eat all of Sirius’ dessert, and essentially punish him for shagging their Keeper in the locker room as it was 1) unprofessional and 2) discouraging James from using that particular set of showers ever again.

He felt it may have been his duty, as Quidditch Captain, to go break up such a blatant show of unprofessionalism and lack of self control but then again, he wasn't in a mood where he really cared. He also had a feeling that seeing Sirius naked (with an also very naked Gryffindor Keeper) really wouldn’t settle with his stomach that well, so instead, he had found his way to the lowest set of bleachers, laid down, and started his unfruitful attempts at smoke rings. He was lying there, watching the distinctively not ring shaped little plumes of white smoke drift into the twilight, wondering how much longer Sirius was going to be occupied because, really, they were going to miss supper at this rate, and that would be, for lack of a better descriptor, bad, when James caught sight of a flash of red hair rounding the Quidditch Pitch. He sat up, grinning. Maybe he wouldn't be angry with Sirius after all.

“Evans!”

His voice cut through the cool air, and Lily started slightly. She could smell cigarette smoke on the breeze, it reminded her of her father, and she wondered when the particular someone calling her name had picked up such a completely muggle habit. Then again-- it was a rather rebellious muggle habit and-- ugh.

She cursed silently to herself. All she really wanted was to be alone with her sadness and maybe not think for a while. She thought it might be nice to feel numb. She didn’t want to think about how this time last year, she’d been mailing off her mother’s birthday card, wondering how she’d respond to the fact that the letter itself sang ‘Happy Birthday’ upon opening-- nor how this year she wouldn’t be home to take care of her father and sister while they mourned-- and how neither of them were there to take care of her while she did the same. But the smell of cigarettes brought back a rush of unwelcome memories.

So Lily ignored James, continuing to trudge around the Quidditch Pitch in a desperate attempt to forget the date and everything else that was flooding her mind.

“Oi! Evans!”

Persistent bastard.

She looked towards him; he was sitting in the bleachers, watching her. She wondered if it would be odd if she sat there with him-- not because she had interest in any sort of amicable interaction with James Potter, but rather she felt that she lacked the energy to shoot him down-- and she decided it would not be excruciatingly strange, as long as she kept her distance.

"Well that's never been so easy before," James quipped as she sat down next to him.

Lily’s original plan had been to sit at the end of the bench and not to talk to him, but she went and blew that immediately when the first tear rolled down her cheek.

Her original plan had also been to not cry-- plenty of that had been done when the doctor had told them, and then done exponentially more at the funeral.

Apparently Lily's original plan did not work.

“C'mon Evans, I was only joking. Why’re you crying?” James asked stupidly, then, as if realizing the sheer idiocy of what he said, “Oh. Right. The whole dead mother thing.” He slid a little closer to her, unable to decide what exactly to say or do. A crying Lily Evans was not something he had much experience in dealing with-- other than the rare occasions when he'd caused it, in which case an apology usually served just fine. Unfortunately, he supposed, a dead mother could not simply be solved with an ‘I’m sorry’.

On a normal occasion, he probably would’ve been slapped for 'the whole dead mother thing' comment. But this was clearly not a normal occasion. Lily was not spewing her dislike for him, nor was he thinking of what he could say to most get under her skin. She was in fact, sitting next to him, in a very civil like manner (given she was crying, so it wasn’t as if she was putting much effort into not being civil) and more than that, she was letting James sit next to her without a word of discouragement.

On a normal occasion, he would’ve looked at this as a rather large accomplishment.

“Sorry,” he mended, “That was unskilled.” Apparently this wasn’t the right thing to say either, though he had been sure it was far better than his previous statement, because Lily burst into a whole new round of tears.

“I’m s-sorry. I j-just-- today was her b-b-birthday and i-it r-reminded me of--” she was unable to finish what ‘it’ reminded her of, or even what ‘it’ was, as she was overcome with sobs.

James patted her shoulder gently.

Merlin’s beard, he was awful at this, “Would you like to, erm...talk about it?”

“I just--” Lily dropped off as another sob escaped her. Some screwed up part of James noticed how pretty she looked when she was crying. Her lips were swollen red and her green eyes seemed larger, one or two drops of tears caught in her eyelashes. She blinked, causing a stray tear to roll down her cheek, trailing a bit of makeup along with it, and before James knew what he was doing, he had reached his hand up and gently wiped away the tear with his thumb. He held himself back from pulling her into his arms, knowing that he was already pushing his limits with how close he was to her, but he decided there was nothing he hated more than seeing a lost and lonely Lily. It reminded him of the first time they’d met, before she had known him well enough to hate him, in the train corridor. He missed those brief moments, when they were both so young and innocent, and neither sincerely fucked up in any way, shape, or form.

Instead, he sat next to her, watching as silent tears fell from her eyes. After a few minutes, the sobs had stopped and her breathing had returned to a somewhat normal pattern.

“It’s just... hard to imagine a world without her, you know? I mean I wasn’t even particularly close to her, which is so bloody awful to say, but it’s true. But even though I never had some incredible mother-daughter relationship with her, it’s like, she was always there. She was always, I don’t know, working in the garden or picking up after my father, or asking my sister and I how our days were. And I’m never going to go home again and have her ask through gritted teeth how school is. Even though it made her uncomfortable she always asked me, like she felt it was her duty as a mother to ask me how school was,” Lily’s voice was bitter, “And I know how completely bloody mental this is, but I feel like there’s something I could’ve done, something I should’ve done, to stop her from getting sick and dying. If I had been a better student and maybe known a spell--”

“Lily Evans you are the most brilliant student this school has seen in years,” James interrupted her, uncharacteristically serious, eyes level and not teasing, something Lily realized she’d never really seen before.

She looked at him desperately, “Then why didn’t I know a spell?”

“There wouldn’t have been a spell. You think there wouldn’t be wizards who lived forever if we had figured out a spell to provide immortality?”

“I just feel like there’s something I could’ve done. I should’ve been there, James. The entire time she was sick, I was off at wizarding school. I was only home for a week before she died,” Lily’s voice broke.

“There’s nothing you could’ve done, Lily. There’s no way you could’ve known the exact date she was going to die. Would she really have wanted you to drop out of school, just so you could be with her leading up to her final moments?”

“No... I suppose you’re right...” Lily said hesitantly. James offered up a half smile in response, “You know, this really isn’t how I expected my seventh year to go. Dead mother, out after dark, a sobbing, blubbering mess, crying to you, of all people. It’s not exactly how I pictured my last year here.”

“Things don’t always turn out how you think they will,” James said in an almost perfect imitation of Dumbledore.

“There are so many people,” Lily continued, “that I would’ve thought would still be with me.”

“What do you mean?” James asked, serious once again.

“Sev, for one. I know you hate his guts, but he was the first real friend I had. He was the one who told me all about Hogwarts and being a witch and such. We were so close, Jesus Christ, like as close as you and Sirius. And I really thought, I dunno, we’d always be that close.”

“But people change. That’s not your fault,” James said.

“And then there’s my sister,” Lily kept going, “You know, I don’t think I’ve had a real, genuine conversation with her since before I came to Hogwarts. If you had told me, when I was, say, eight, that my sister and I wouldn't be on speaking terms by the time I was seventeen, I would've laughed at you. But she hates me. She told me so, the last time I saw her.”

“She did?" James sounded puzzled, as if he couldn't comprehend the idea of someone genuinely hating Lily.

Lily nodded, “Mmm hmm. At the funeral.”

“Are you kidding me?” James was appalled, “Bloody hell! A funeral’s not exactly a good place to share your hatred for someone. At your own mother’s, no less.”

“Yeah, well, she told me that if I had had to go and be a freak, I could’ve at least put it to good use and saved our mother.”

“So that’s why you’re blaming yourself?” James frowned.

“It’s the kind of statement that keeps one up at night,” Lily said miserably.

“It’s not your fault Lily.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

“I dunno.”

“Well it’s not. I’m serious.”

“No, Sirius is your friend with the long black hair.”

“Is this really the time for that joke? It’s been a bit overused.”

“No. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, you’re the one that’s upset, I suppose if you think it’s appropriate then make the joke as much as you’d like to.”

“You’re not so bad when you’re like this.”

“Like what?”

“I dunno, yourself.”

James paused, watching her, “Am I not usually myself?”

Lily sighed, twirling her hair in between her fingers, “I dunno. Usually it’s like...you’re putting on a show or something. To make people laugh and think you’re cool so that they can’t get to you or won’t mess with you or something. But, like, right now, you’re being sincere and, like, acting like a genuinely kind human being as opposed to a big headed prick.”

James raised an eyebrow, trying not to smile a bit.

“Jesus Christ, that was really bloody rude,” Lily said, “I’m sorry I said that.”

“This is reminding me vaguely of our first conversation,” James commented.

“The one where you asked me what Jesus Christ was?”

“And you said ‘Not what, who’,” James told her.

“Bloody hell, did I really?” Lily asked, seemingly horrified, “What the hell kind of an answer is that?”

“I thought the same thing, Ms. Evans,” James informed her, “However, you were very distressed then, as well, not to mention that you looked on the verge of tears, so I thought it would be better to let it slide.”

Lily was silent for a moment, “You remember all that?”

“Of course,” James said immediately,  He realized he might have answered too quickly. He considered backtracking.

“Why?”

“You’re not the sort of person one forgets their first conversation with,” James said quietly. Was he digging himself a hole? Probably. Did he care? Not particularly.

“I am, though, aren’t I?” James remembered how he had noticed her freckles the first time he met her.

“No,” James said certainly, “No, you’re not at all.”

Lily remained quiet.

“I think you’re one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met,” James said after it became clear that she wasn’t responding.

“You don’t have to say that,” Lily responded, “You’re being nice to me, just because my mother’s died.”

“No I’m not,” James defended, “I mean it.” He did. Blimey. He really, truly meant it.

“What’s so interesting about me?”

“Everything.” Why was he being so honest? James Potter was reckless with a lot of things, but his heart was not one of them.

More silence, then, “I have to go, James.”

“Please don’t.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Stay.”

“James...” she stood up. James did as well, still looking to convince her into staying. He was enjoying talking to her far more than he’d ever admit out loud to anyone, perhaps excluding Sirius. He looked down at her, now a lot more than four inches taller.

“You don’t have to go,” he made a final attempt.

“I’m tired,” she protested.

James sighed, he didn’t feel like pushing her limits this time, “Alright. Goodnight Lily.”

“Goodnight James.”

He watched her retreat back towards the castle, head still hanging low, and he wondered, briefly, where on Earth he was going to find another girl precisely like Lily Evans.

* * * 

Sirius exited the locker room, now feeling thoroughly... relaxed, to search for James. If he had to guess, he would have placed him on the bleachers, smoking, and refusing to share any of his cigarettes with his best friend-- it was usually how that kind of thing worked.

He was pretty much right. He found James sitting in the stands of the Quidditch Pitch-- looking thoroughly dejected. He offered up a cigarette, which Sirius took, gesturing for the muggle lighter (so rebellious, the two of them were), which was passed to him next.

“Prongs?” James looked blankly up at Sirius, “Alright, mate?”

“I am an idiot.”

“Sorry?” Sirius looked at his friend concerned, “I mean yes. You are. Moony, Wormtail, and I tell you all the time. But. Like. You’re not supposed to agree with us.”

“Well I do. Wholeheartedly,” James said gloomily.

“James, Mate,” Sirius sat down next to James, slinging an arm around his shoulder, “What’s wrong?”

“I really fancy her,” James said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Evans?” Sirius questioned, though he knew the answer-- really, it had been apparent to him from year one-- James Potter fancied Lily Evans and the world was round. James Potter fancied Lily Evans and Regulus Black was annoying-- it didn’t seem that complex to him.

James nodded, “She’s never going to fancy me back.”

“There are other birds out there, Prongs,” Sirius replied evenly.

“Yes, but there aren’t any like her,” James sighed, “And the worst part is, maybe if I wasn’t such a big headed prat, there’d be a chance she liked me back. But I’m never going to be good enough for her. I’ll never be what she deserves.”

“Now you’re scaring me,” Sirius narrowed his eyes, “What exactly did I miss that’s making you go and say all this rubbish?”

“She was out here crying. And we talked. I consoled her-- I think. Not very good at that bit, I’m afraid,” James sighed again. Sighing seemed to be his new thing, “Anyway, she told me that I wasn’t so bad when I wasn’t trying to impress everyone. And bloody hell, she’s right, isn’t she? I mean, I’ve been the biggest bloody prick our entire school career. The entire school probably hates me.”

“Alright, that’s going too far. Now you really are an idiot,” Sirius said, exasperated, “First of all, basically the entire school is in love with you. Sure you can be a bit full of yourself sometimes but it’s not that bad, really. I mean, you’re much better than I am, and people still like me. James, you’re bloody brilliant and you’re not just sporadically awful to people. The only people you’ve ever picked on have asked for it--”

“I could’ve taken the high road,” James interrupted, “That’s what Lily would’ve done.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not Lily,” Sirius was getting frustrated, “And it would be really horrid if you were. Lily is Lily and you are you.”

“So wise, Padfoot,” James commented.

“I’m serious!”

“I know you are. I’m James,” James smirked slightly, flicking a bit of ash on to Sirius’ shoulder.

Sirius groaned, brushing off the ash, “That joke is so old.”

“Lily told it earlier.”

“James, if you don’t shut it about Lily I’m going to hex you,” Sirius warned.

“Why can’t you let me wallow in my own self pity like a normal seventeen year old boy suffering from the woes of unrequited love?”

“Because that would require me to listen to you wallow in your own self pity like a normal seventeen year old boy suffering from the woes of unrequited love,” Sirius said simply.

“And you are unable to do that... because?” James raised an eyebrow.

“Because my deep brotherly love for you only goes so far,” Sirius quipped.

“So touching,” James rolled his eyes.

“Why don’t you just tell her how you feel?” Sirius shrugged, however James looked horrified at the very thought of it.

“Why the bloody hell would I do that?”

“Because she might think you don’t fancy her...?”

“I’ve asked her out eight times,” James said sadly, “And apparently she’d prefer the giant squid.”

“Yeah. Because she thinks you’re only doing it to get on her nerves,” Sirius said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world (which it was, whether James seemed to think so or not), “Really, I mean you’ve dedicated a whole lot of time to getting under her skin. She’s probably just thought of this as another one of your tactics.”

“Why do you have to be so reasonable?”

“I’m gonna go out on a limb here and take that as a rhetorical question,” Sirius remarked.

“It was.”

“Prongs.”

“Padfoot.”

“Don’t worry about it too much, yeah?” Sirius pushed his hair behind his ears, studying James, “It’ll all work itself out. All that fate stuff, right? Whatever’s meant to happen will happen. Don’t overthink it.”

“That’s just the problem though!” James exclaimed. He felt like pulling out his hair, “With her I overthink everything. Like things that I’ve never, ever given a second thought to before. It’s driving me crazy. Earlier I was literally measuring the distance between us, making sure I wasn’t too close because I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. When the hell have I ever cared in the slightest about someone’s personal space?”

“Alright! You fancy her! So what? People get crushes all the time, Prongs. It’s not the end of the world,” his eyes softened, “Don’t worry about it mate. You’re not going to die over her. You just got to wait and see what happens. And if you really fancy her, it wouldn’t hurt to tell her. She might be more oblivious than you’d think.”

James smiled slightly, “What did I do to win you as my best mate?

“I believe you complimented my punching technique,” Sirius grinned back, standing up, “Now lets go get dinner. I think there’s still ten minutes left and I’m half starved. Talking about your feelings is exhausting.”

James stood up as well, following Sirius back up to the castle, telling himself over and over again that the feeling in his stomach was simply hunger.

He ignored the voice in the back of his mind that told him it wasn’t.

* * * 

“I just had the weirdest encounter with Potter,” Lily informed Alice as she flopped onto her bed, now clothed in PJ’s and a warm sweatshirt. Alice was sitting on her own bed, scratching on a piece of parchment that Lily could only guess was a note for Frank Longbottom.

“Oh? Is that why you weren’t at dinner?” Alice glanced curiously at Lily, who was propped slightly up against her headboard, twirling her long hair in her fingers, “Have you been crying?”

“Yes,” Lily sighed.

“With James Potter?” Alice’s eyebrows were nearly reaching her hairline.

“Unfortunately,” Lily looked sheepishly at her friend.

“Do tell,” Marlene McKinnon walked into the room, pulling her hair out of her tight ponytail. She was tall, with dirty blonde hair and round eyes; a seventh year like Lily and Alice, “This has got to be an interesting tale.”

She was _also_ very aware of Lily’s previous intense hatred for James.

“Well I wanted to be alone, see, so I went out to the Quidditch Pitch. Just with my mum’s birthday and everything... didn’t really feel like dinner. So anyway, just my luck, I get to the pitch and James is there and he called me over, multiple times, actually, but I wasn’t really up to arguing so I finally went over to where he was sitting on the bleachers.”

“Lily,” Marlene looked shocked. She and Alice were both staring at Lily.

“What?”

“You just called him James,” Alice said slowly.

“Not Potter,” Marlene added.

“...I did?” Lily asked.

The two girls nodded.

“Well. Um,” Lily wasn’t quite sure of what to say.

Alice came over and sat on her bed, shortly followed by Marlene. Lily hugged her knees to her chest to make room for them. Alice rolled her eyes, “Whatever. We shall assess that incredibly strange situation later. Continue?”

“Right. So. Um. I went over and sat down and just sort of started crying. Which was not my plan but it just kind of happened. And Ja-- Potter was very... Oh, I don’t know... very un-Potterish. We talked. Like an actual conversation and, the whole time, it was so weird. He just seemed so different!”

“Well of course he’d be different,” Marlene said matter-of-factly, “I mean, he’s not around loads of people so he wouldn’t be trying to impress anyone, and then there’s the fact that he really bloody fancies you, so he’d probably be less big headed and, you know, nicer.”

Lily felt her stomach flip. Had she heard that last part right? “He... fancies me?”

“Duh...?” Marlene gave her a quizzical look, “Are you kidding me?”

“He doesn’t fancy me. That’s the whole thing. How we completely hate each other-- he doesn’t fancy me!” Lily wasn’t quite sure why this was causing her to panic-- it was if there was something not right about James Potter fancying her. It went against the natural ways of the universe.

“Yes he does, Love,” Alice said gently.

“No,” Lily said flatly.

“Well... yes,” Marlene looked at Lily sympathetically.

“You don’t understand. It’s wrong. It goes against the foundation of, like, the entire world. If he fancies me then the planet will explode or something.”

“That sounds dramatic,” Mary MacDonald, their fourth roommate, entered the dormitory, her brown hair slightly ruffled and the top two buttons of her shirt unbuttoned.

“Where have you been?” Alice asked, smirking.

“Where do you think?” Mary eyed them all slyly, “Want some tips, Lily? For James?”

“I’m going to bed,” Lily announced loudly, blushing furiously.

Marlene laughed. Alice suppressed her giggle for Lily’s sake. Mary grinned, “Mmm hmm, well let me know, Love.”

“I’ll make sure to,” Lily said, flushed. She shooed Alice and Marlene off her bed, climbing under her covers and pulling her bed curtains shut.

“Where’s Dorcas?” Lily heard Alice ask.

She heard Mary laugh, “Let’s just say Lily could probably get some tips from her as well.”

* * * 

Lily woke up early; the sun’s rays were barely above the horizon, sending a thin ray of light through the part in the curtains. She stood up, cringing slightly as her feet hit the cold wooden floor. Grabbing her sweatshirt, which she had discarded during the night due to the feeling that she had fallen asleep in a fireplace, she threw it on and went over to her trunk to rummage for a pair of socks. She had taken to getting up early; some part of sleepless nights slowly turning into the mornings following her mother’s death hadn’t rubbed off. She ran her hand through her long hair, pushing it behind her ears. Grabbing her book, she slipped out of her dormitory and into the common room.

She sat down on the plush chair right next to the fire, pulling open her book.

After about an hour, the sun had risen completely, though the common room was still empty. It was a Saturday, after all; nobody would be up for another couple of hours.

“Oh, hello, Lily,” Lily looked up to see Remus Lupin, standing in the entrance to the boy’s dormitory. He looked surprised to see her, which Lily attributed to the fact that it wasn’t exactly normal to be up so early on a Saturday.

"Hi, Remus," Lily said, "How're you?"

"Tired," Remus yawned, coming over to sit in a chair across from Lily's. Lily studied him. He did seem extraordinarily tired. There were dark circles under his slightly bloodshot eyes, and he looked to be fighting off another yawn, "And you?"

"I've seen better days," Lily sighed.

"It's very early, the day can't have been ruined yet," Remus smiled almost hopefully at her, then said quietly, "I'm very sorry to hear about your mother. I can't possibly imagine how awful it must be."

"It's okay," Lily said automatically, then paused, "Well not really. But I think it will be."

"Your positivity will never fail to impress me," Remus mused.

"It's the best I've got, to be honest," Lily stared into the fire, "If I didn't stay positive I probably would've flung myself off the astronomy tower by now."

"Well I sincerely hope you continue staying positive, and, uh. Don’t do the astronomy tower thing. You’re one of the few sane people around here." Remus responded genuinely.

Lily smiled at him, "So what's got you looking so sleep deprived?"

Remus looked hesitant, "I haven't been feeling that great. Think I'm just stressed about school but, I dunno... been feeling really run down."

He looked sad, "You sure that's all? You do seem really down."

"Have you ever had a life ruining secret that if anyone ever found out you would probably have to drop out of school?" Remus blurted out.

Lily was slightly taken aback, "Um, well, no. But I'm sure whatever it is, it can't be that bad."

"It is," Remus said glumly, "And please don't ask, because I'm not going to tell you. But that's the thing that's bothering me."

"I'm not gonna force you to tell me anything," Lily said gently, "Do your friends know?"

"Yeah."

"But they're not helping?"

"No!" Remus said immediately, "I mean yes! They are helping. They're wonderful."

Lily studied him, "Just... if you ever need to talk to someone other than Black or Potter or Pettigrew, I'm here, okay? I'm not saying they're bad friends or bad listeners, just sometimes it can be easier talking to people you're not surrounded by all the time. Sometimes you don't want to let your friends down, right? Like you want to meet their expectations. It's easier, then, to talk to someone when you're not worrying about letting them down. Does that make any sense at all, or am I just rambling?"

"No, it makes sense, Lils," Remus said, "And thanks. I appreciate it. I'm just not ready to tell people other than, you know..."

"Yeah, I know," Lily said, "Wanna go get breakfast?"

Remus stood up, saying bluntly "We're both in our pajamas."

"It's about six o'clock, Remus-- I don’t believe anyone will be up," Lily explained, standing up as well.

"You sure?"

"I do this all the time. Saturday morning? The next person to wake up won't rise until nine, earliest."

"Rise?" Remus laughed, "What is this? Some weird muggle vampire story? What's it called... Count Dracu-something?"

Lily giggled, shoving Remus gently, "I vant to suck your blood!"

"What the bloody hell was that?" Remus sounded amused.

"That," Lily paused dramatically, "was my Count Dracula impression."

"Muggles are weird."

"Wizards are weird."

"So what are you reading?" Remus nodded to the book cradled in one of Lily's arms, "Count Dracula?"

"Please, I'm above such trivial stories," Lily held her head high.

"I can't tell if you're being serious," Remus narrowed his eyes, "And Merlin's beard don't you dare make the Sirius Black joke--"

Lily laughed, stepping through the portrait hole.

"I'm joking. Sev and I used to make fun of the Ravenclaw pricks who thought they were better than everyone for all the "great" literature they read--" she faltered, "Never mind. Anyway, I'm reading Sherlock Holmes, ever heard of it?"

"Vaguely," Remus said thoughtfully, "Some muggle auror thing, right?"

"Kind of. A detective."

"They're like aurors though," Remus argued, "They solve injustices and such."

"Crimes, yeah. Like things that the police-- those are muggle crime stoppers-- can't figure out," Lily explained as they sat down at the Gryffindor table.

"So like complicated murders and such?" True to Lily's word, they were the only two in the great hall. As they sat down, toast, eggs, and tea appeared in front of them.

"Exactly," Lily said, immediately taking a bite of the toast in front of her.

"So what's the story?" He actually looked interested; sometimes Lily couldn’t believe he was friends with Black and Potter-- honestly, he struck her as far too much of the scholarly type to fall in with that lot.

"So there's this man, Sherlock Holmes. And he's got a sort of side kick, John Watson. But basically, Sherlock is like a complete genius. And each story is a case that he has to solve. This is the last one. I've been meaning to read it for a while. My dad sent it to me."

"Do you have the first one?" Remus asked.

"First two, actually" Lily grinned, "There’s more than three, but I haven’t got them all. I can give the first one to you when get back to the common room."

"Awesome. What are you doing today?"

"Probably homework," Lily sighed.

"Haven't done McGonagall's essay yet? I was thinking of heading up to the library and starting it. If you wanted to we could..."

"Of course!" Lily smiled, "I could probably use some help with mine anyway.

"You? Help?" Remus pushed his eggs around with his fork.

"You know, contrary to popular belief, I don't actually know everything."

"Well lucky for you, I do," Remus said in an almost frightening imitation of his friend.

"That sounded like something Potter would say," Lily told him.

"I've hung around the kid for seven years, he's bound to have rubbed off on me," Remus said, mock defensively.

"I would never blame the victim!" Lily said, mock appalled.

"Victim, is it?"

"Well yes. Have you not been spending your time in the company of James Potter for the past seven years, Mr. Lupin?" She picked up her unused fork and held the blunt end towards Remus like a microphone.

"What are you doing?" Remus looked at her quizzically.

"Bloody wizards," Lily muttered, "It's a pretend microphone. An object used to amplify sound since muggles don't have magic. Muggles use them to project sound so everyone can hear. I'm prosecuting you. Now..." Lily nodded towards the end of the fork pointed at Remus.

"Well yes, Ms. Evans," Remus leaned towards the fork as if speaking into it for some kind of interview, "I have, in fact, spent much of the previous seven years with James Potter."

"Well by the evidence presented--"

"What evidence?"

Lily whacked Remus' nose with the fork, "Shush. That's irrelevant. By the evidence presented, I conclude that you have been subjected to years of torture caused by James Potter, and that you are, indeed, a victim."

"He's not that bad," Remus protested, "He's actually quite brilliant."

Lily was quiet for a moment, “He’s different when we’re not surrounded by people.”

Remus snorted, “Oh, James. He feels like he has to prove himself to everyone. I’ve got absolutely no bloody idea why; he’s completely brilliant without trying. But, the whole pure blood, rich family thing... I guess he thinks he needs to make a name for himself.

“The thing you have to understand, Lils, is that the Potters are a very famous wizarding family, full of talented wizards and witches. Every one of them amounts to something. Does something worthwhile. I think that James believes he has to live up to the name. And I think that’s a fault of his, caring what people think of him, but I also think he shouldn’t take full ownership of the fault. Being born into a rich family that everyone respects and admires can be just as unfortunate as being born into one that nobody gives a second thought to.”

“That doesn’t excuse the things he does--”

“No. I don’t think it does. I’m sure there are things James will regret having done when he was older, however, my point is that the things some view as advantages, could also be seen as disadvantages. I’m not asking you to excuse him or forgive him, I’m just trying to help you understand him.”

Lily looked at Remus thoughtfully, “I reckon you know what you’re talking about.”

“At least surrounding this topic,” Remus smiled.

“The topic of James Potter.”

“The one and only.”

“He’s very complicated,” Lily observed.

“Much more complicated than anyone would think,” Remus stood up, “Shall we?”

Lily nodded, following Remus out of the Great Hall. She ran his words through her head, lost in thought. He had a point. She had never actually considered the idea that James was driven by something other than pure arrogance and cruelty and she wondered why this hadn’t occurred to her. In fact, she felt slightly stupid for not considering this idea. She was Lily Evans, for Christ’s sake; she was driven by reason.

No, she couldn’t agree with everything James did, but maybe, like Remus had said, she could understand why he had.

* * * 

“Do you think she likes flowers?” James asked, staring at the ceiling. He was lying flat on his back, still in bed. Sirius had just gotten up and was rummaging through his trunk for a sweatshirt.

“Her name is Lily, what the hell do you think?” Sirius rolled his eyes, though James couldn’t see.

“Yes, but what if that’s why she hates them?” James asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

“Right genius you are. How’d you come to that conclusion?” Sirius snorted.

“Well maybe, she’s been surrounded by the idea of flowers her entire life because of her name, which causes people to always think that she likes flowers or relate her to flowers in some way, and so she’s grown to detest them in idea which means she’d probably detest them in physicality as well.”

“Are we really having this conversation?”

“Well are you dreaming?”

Sirius pinched himself, “No.”

“Then, yes, Padfoot, we are having this conversation. And you still have yet to give me a concrete answer to my question.”

“Yes.”

“What?”

“Yes, I think she likes flowers.”

“Me too.”

“Then why the bloody hell did you ask me?” Sirius was becoming very exasperated.

“I wanted a second opinion.”

“I’m getting breakfast.”

“If you see Moony, ask him--”

“No!” Sirius called, exiting the dormitory very quickly.

He entered the common room, slowly filling with sleepy students and saw Remus coming through the portrait hole, laughing with a small, red haired girl.

Sirius stormed over, “Where have you been?”

“Just getting breakfast with Lily,” Remus said, cheerful enough, though he eyed Sirius a little cautiously.

“You,” Sirius rounded on Lily, ready to curse her out simply for being the source of James’ affection, however right before opening his mouth, it dawned on him that James probably wouldn’t be too fond of this idea, so he changed his mind, “Do you like flowers?”

Lily stared at him, apparently trying to decide if he was being serious or not, “Yes...?”

“What kind?” Sirius asked aggressively.

“...Orchids. And Daffodils,” Lily paused, frowning slightly, “How come?”

“No reason. No reason at all,” Sirius said menacingly. He turned and stalked over to the fireplace, glaring at a pair of frightened looking second years.

It just had to be Lily bloody Evans, didn’t it. James just had to go for the most difficult to romance girl in their entire freaking year-- really. Sirius was going to kill him.

* * *

Severus Snape was sitting in the common room, reading a collection of Tennyson poems that he had found at the bottom of his trunk.

"Snape!" Severus looked up to see Mulciber and Avery walking over to where he sat.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" Severus drawled, pushing a greasy strand of hair out of his face.

"We're just gotten an owl from Bella. Said it's to happen the next Hogsmeade visit."

"At the next Hogsmeade visit," Severus repeated.

"Yes. And she said to be prepared," Avery smiled wickedly, "Can you believe it? We're finally going to be death e--"

"Shut it, you fool, or I'll have to hex you," Severus hissed maliciously, grabbing the front of Avery's robes, "Do you really think the Dark Lord would be pleased to hear that you went and shouted our plans to the entire common room?"

"S-sorry," Avery stuttered, trying to pull away. Severus released him, shoving him back. Avery glared at him.

"Thanks for the message. Now leave me alone," Severus commanded, turning back to his book.

"Isn't that that mudblood's book?" Avery spat.

Severus frowned, "What?

"Didn't she give you that book?"

"How would I know?" Severus said defensively, but he felt his stomach drop, "I just found it in my trunk. I've always liked Tennyson. I probably bought it ages ago."

"Sure thing, Lover Boy," Avery scowled, "But do you really think the dark Lord will be pleased to hear that you're still obsessed with a dirty little mudblood?"

 

 _The Black Lake, December twenty fifth, 1974_  

Severus followed Lily out of the entrance and down to the lake. It was snowing lightly, and there was already a thick layer of snow on the ground. Lily was wrapped in a large jacket with a Gryffindor scarf and hat. Her nose was red, and Severus was reminded of some song about a reindeer that Lily had taught him the words to when they were younger.

"Why, exactly, are we outside in this weather?" Severus asked, shivering. He stopped, looking longingly back at the warm castle, and pulled his own jacket tighter around himself.

"It's not that bad," Lily grabbed his gloved hand and continued walking, pulling him along behind her, "It's nice. There's nobody else out here. I like it."

Severus sighed as Lily sat down in the snow by the lake. She patted the ground beside her, indicating for Severus to sit too. He protested, "We're going to get our bums wet."

Lily rolled her eyes, "We're wizards. I think we can find a solution to wet bums."

Severus sat down next to her and she leaned her head on his shoulder, "Heard from your family?"

"Mum and Dad sent a sweater and some toffee," Lily told him, "Nothing from Tuney, of course."

"You don't need her," Severus said immediately, "Don't worry 'bout her."

"I know," Lily sounded sad, though.

"Well I know what will cheer you up," Severus said.

Lily moved so that she was looking at him, "Mmm?"

Severus reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a small silver box with a golden ribbon around it, and handed it to her.

Lily smiled as she untied the ribbon, and opened the box. Inside was a necklace. A thin silver chain was pooled together at the top of the box and attached to it was a small star; the rim of it was the same silver as the chain, and the inside of the shape was filled with tiny green jewels.

"Happy Christmas, Lily," Severus said quietly.

Careful not to drop the box, Lily pulled Severus into a tight hug, "Thank you so much Sev. I love it. It's so beautiful." He could hear her smiling.

She pulled her hair away from her neck and handed him the necklace, "Help me put it on?"

Severus took the necklace from her, and did as she had requested. It fell just below her collarbones, "I thought it would match your eyes."

"It's wonderful," Lily grinned at him, "And now, for your present, though I'm sure I can top yours now."

Severus shrugged, "I'm sure I'll love it."

Lily pulled a parcel out of her jacket. It was wrapped neatly with a perfectly symmetrical bow on top.

Severus unwrapped it to find a book (of course Lily would get him a book), but his heart lept when he saw the author.

"I know Tennyson's your absolute favorite," Lily was saying, "And it's nothing like what you got me, but you always quote him and you told me you didn't own anything by him, you had just gotten stuff from the library so I thought--"

Severus shut her up by hugging her, "It's perfect Lily. Thank you."

 

 _The Slytherin Common Room, September twenty second, 1977_  

Severus looked down at the book in his hands, then back up at Avery who was still glowering at him, “Believe what you want, but if you ask me, you are merely taking out your insecurities on me.”

“Insecurities?” Avery narrowed his eyes.

“Yes. You clearly feel threatened by the fact that I’m reading something you couldn’t even understand if you tried. Now, if you don’t mind, I’ll ask you to politely take your stupidity else where. I’m trying to be an intellectual over here, Avery.”

Avery glared at Severus, and if looks could kill, he would surely be cold and still on the floor.

“Are you trying to frighten me?” Severus sneered, “Or is that the expression you get when you’re actually forced to think? Fine, if you can’t manage to walk away, I will.”

With that, Severus stood up and exited the common room. He wandered out of the dungeons, up several flights of stairs, avoiding a few trick stairs without thinking, and found himself at the Black Lake.

Thoroughly annoyed at Avery’s antics, he took a deep breath and opened his book again. Who cared if Lily had given it to him? Just because they were no longer friends didn’t mean he had to flinch at the sight of anything related to her in the slightest bit. Just because she was a dirty mudblood...

Severus cut the thought off before he could complete it. For some reason, it struck him as funny that he still had the Christmas present from his fourth year. It was such a random object to have picked up the same day he learned he would become a Death Eater. Lily would’ve been horrified. It was ironic, really, that he had been reading her book when he had found out.

He wondered if she still had the necklace he had given her.


	4. Mission: Make Lily Fall In Love With James

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because James Potter is in love with Lily Evans, and it's kind of pathetic, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! sorry this took so long to update, i know it's basically sunday by now, but here is chapter three. i hope you enjoy. please comment&kudos and stuff. muahh! -z

_The Quidditch Pitch, September twenty third, 1977_

Lily was freezing. The scarf around her neck and the knit hat pulled down over her ears did not seem to be helping as the damp, ice-cold wind blew past her. She clenched her fists, wishing she’d remembered the mittens lying on top of her trunk, all the way back in her dormitory. She was beginning to lose feeling in her fingertips.

She wasn’t entirely sure what she was doing-- she didn’t even remotely enjoy Quidditch, for precisely two reasons: the first being that it was clearly an opportunity for people who excelled in athletics to show off exactly how talented they were and the second being that James Potter was a participant (though the previous days were now undermining the latter reason by an incredibly large amount). All she knew about her presence at the Slytherin-Gryffindor match was that it had been encouraged by Alice, who was now doing her very best to ignore Lily on her apparent date with Frank Longbottom (which she had lacked to inform Lily that she was even going on), meaning that Lily was alone in trying to continue her progress on what exactly Quidditch was about (there was a snitch involved, right?), and slowly freeze to death.

The wind was howling-- honestly, it struck Lily as a bit early in the year for this kind of chill-- as James Potter soared by on his broomstick, stupid, chaotic hair plastered to his forehead with freezing rain, goggles spattered with raindrops, and, she sincerely hoped it was a hypothermia induced hallucination, winked at her.

It was annoying really, his transformation from the boy on the Quidditch Pitch just a few days before-- the one who’d actually managed to comfort her when she'd thought it impossible, the one who had almost managed to charm her-- back to his normal cocky self, the one with the dumb coiffed hair and the knack for making Lily Evans want to drive her fist straight through a wall.

She’d spent the last two days (three if one included this particular day so far) trying to wrap her mind around who James Potter was, exactly. It was simple, in her mind to characterize him as a huge, stuck-up prat who smelled like cigarettes, broom polish, and aftershave, and she had eventually settled on the fact that he was, yes, just that, but sometimes, he was less of it.

Lily had been thinking a great deal about that particular ‘sometimes’, and she wondered why it seemed so impossible to put out of her head. She’d seen that side of James only once-- that Friday, on that very same Quidditch Pitch-- but it seemed to be stuck in her mind like glue. He’d bloody comforted her, for Christ’s sake! He’d talked to her without insulting her or teasing her and he hadn’t called her Evans either; he’d called her Lily. They’d talked like normal human beings-- like friends, even.

The rain spattered her face, and she pulled her hat lower over her ears as she watched Sirius Black knock a ball in the general direction of one of the Slytherins, which he aptly dodged, screaming some kind of profanity at Black that was lost to the wind before Lily could catch it.

She pulled her attention away from the game, turning towards what she thought was her name on the wind, and caught sight of Remus Lupin, wading his way towards her through the crowd.

"Hey Lils," Remus said once he was near Lily, "What're you doing here?"

"Having trouble figuring that out myself, actually," Lily said bitterly, "My poor hands." She held up her gloveless hands, which were red from the cold.

"I think I have a spare pair on me, if you'd like to borrow them," Remus said, reaching a hand into his coat pocket and pulling out a pair of red dragon leather gloves.

She was about to reject the offer, but her freezing hands decided otherwise, "Thank you so much."

"No problem," Remus smiled, "Now what ever are you doing here?" Remus asked again, looking at her quizzically.

"Alice made me come," Lily huffed, sliding the gloves onto her hands. They seemed a bit roomy even for Remus, though she decided not to question this due to their immediate warmth, "But apparently she had a date with Frank so I'm not in the least bit sure why, exactly, she made me come. Do you like Quidditch? I've got no bloody clue what's going on."

"Well enough, and I've got a fairly good understanding of it, if only because James and Sirius would skin me alive if I was stupid about Quidditch," Remus responded, making a disgruntled noise as one of the balls was thrown past the Gryffindor-- Keeper, was it?-- and through one of the big silver hoops. A cheer rose up from the Slytherin section of the stands

"That's a bit intense," Lily remarked.

"James breathes Quidditch. I'm pretty sure he'd die if he ever stopped being able to play it."

"That, too, is a bit intense," Lily pointed out.

Remus' reply was cut short as someone, Lily was pretty sure it was James, successfully threw one of the balls into the Slytherin hoop, causing the Gryffindor crowd to cheer loudly.

"What's the score?" Lily asked Remus.

"Fifty to fifty," Remus frowned, "James just tied it up."

"And whoever catches the golden thingy wins, right?"

"James would keel over to hear you so uninformed," Remus laughed, "It's called the Snitch, and if you catch it you get a hundred and fifty points and the game ends. So technically, the team who catches the Snitch always wins. But there have been some instances where the team who catches the Snitch is down by more than a hundred and fifty points, in which case they end the game and lose."

"Why would anyone end the game purposefully if they were losing?" Lily frowned slightly.

"Sometimes if they're going to lose anyway and they want to lessen the amount of points they lose by, since that affects rankings... or I suppose if the game has been going on for a while... not really sure. You'll have to ask Sirius or James. They're the experts," Remus turned back to watch the game and Lily relished in the newfound warmth from the red, dragon leather gloves.

The game seemed to drag on, however. Lily was sure they'd been playing for at least four hours by the time the Gryffindor seeker caught the snitch, changing the tie of 370 points each to 370 to 520.

The entire Gryffindor team looked like they were about to collapse with exhaustion as they landed on the ground and dismounted their brooms, and Lily herself was numb from the cold. She wandered away from Remus to look for Alice, though she didn't expect to have much luck.

"You came?"

Lily stopped, tilting her head upwards slightly to see none other than James, who had broken away from his team.

"I was tricked into coming," Lily told him.

"Still came, though," James grinned, "Have you ever even been to one of these before?"

"Not since second year, I think," Lily was surprised that they were holding a normal conversation, even more surprised to find that she didn't mind it.

"Well, this was a terrible game to come to if it was your first one in five years. You're probably frozen," the concerned expression that formed on James' face at the thought of a frozen Lily was almost cute-- almost.

"Can't really feel most of my limbs, at the moment," Lily agreed, trying not to focus on his almost-cute expression, "Though it's probably worse for you, flying around without coats and scarves."

James looked amused at the thought of playing Quidditch with coats and scarves, but he seemed to hold back a snarky remark, "Nah. Moving around so much keeps us warm. I am, however, completely exhausted."

"Four hours of Quidditch probably tends to do that to one," Lily pointed out.

"Blimey, was it really four hours?" James asked in disbelief.

"Ask my frozen hands," Lily held up her hands, covered in the red gloves that were clearly too big on her.

James opened his mouth to reply, however he stopped short-- eyeing the gloves-- and then a grin slowly spread onto his face, "You're wearing my gloves, you know."

"What?" Lily frowned.

"Where'd you get those?" James narrowed his eyes playfully, still smiling.

"Remus gave them to me because I forgot mine," Lily said slowly, trying to ignore that stupid grin on his face, "He said he had a spare pair."

"Well, the quote-unquote spare pair of gloves, that Remus so kindly offered up," James’ grin grew even larger, "are mine."

Lily felt her face flush, "Are you sure?"

James rolled his eyes, grabbing her right hand and inspecting the glove on it. He nodded, "Absolutely positive."

"Well... do you want them back?" Lily offered, feeling very awkward.

"Mmm... no." James said bluntly.

"What? Why not?" Lily looked at him, confused.

"They look better on you. They go with your hair," James said cheekily.

"Your hands are twice the size of mine," Lily began to take the gloves off, "Take them.They don't even fit me properly."

She really wanted to get rid of the gloves, but she didn't want to be rude.

"No," James said stubbornly, "I like them on you. And they're my gloves, so I get to decide what is done with them. And who wears them. So if I want you to wear them, then you have to."

"I don't think it works like that."

“I’m pretty sure it does, Evans.” He winked at her, and she actually wanted to laugh

“No it doesn’t, Potter,” She found herself sputtering a little, trying to think of why exactly she was finding him entertaining. What was wrong with her? She was flat out enjoying bantering with him-- with James Potter, who she had very strongly disliked up to this point-- and it was confusing her.

He was even kind of growing on her, though she’d never admit it out loud. Instead, she went to pull the gloves off again, but he put his left hand on top of her right one.

“I’m serious. Keep them.” The grin was gone from his face, and he turned from her, throwing a casual “see you around, Evans!” over his shoulder, as the redhead stood rooted to the spot, eyes focused on the spot squarely between James’ Potter’s shoulders.

Shit.

 * * * 

Following the Gryffindor defeat of Slytherin was a a very loud party in the Gryffindor Common Room, held by none other than the infamous Sirius Black. He had snuck down to the kitchen and had ordered a large assortment of foods and desserts and the Common Room had already been decorated for the occasion-- red and golden banners strung from every available surface-- by the time most students arrived back from the Quidditch Pitch, though no one was really sure how.

James Potter, however, did not feel like celebrating.

And this was entirely throwing him off.

It was a new feeling for him-- not wanting to celebrate. He didn’t like the feeling. In fact, he felt as if he was going to throw up-- his stomach was churning as he entered through the portrait hole and was greeted by a loud applause and cheers-- and he had absolutely no idea why.

He hadn’t eaten anything funny-- no, this was something entirely different than a stomach bug. It was almost as if he felt panicked and anxious-- lost even-- and he found himself fidgeting and not really knowing what to do with himself.

James turned to retreat back through the portrait hole he had just come through, only to be intercepted by Sirius.

“Prongs!” Sirius had, apparently, just returned from the Three Broomsticks with pints of Firewhiskey, and he was looking very flushed. He shoved a bottle in James’ direction, “Here!”

“No thanks Padfoot,” James pushed his hand away, “I think I’m gonna step out for some fresh air.”

“What wrong?” Sirius’ eyebrow flicked upwards in the way that meant he was listening-- sort of.

“Nothing!” James said quickly, “Just got a spot of a headache. I think I just need to step out of here for a moment.”

Sirius narrowed his eyes, “I know you’re lying Prongs.”

“I just need to think for a bit,” James told him.

Sirius studied him intently, finally saying, “Okay. But we’re going to talk about this later.”

“Sure. Yeah. Thanks,” James was relieved that Sirius wasn’t putting up a fuss.

“Just promise you won’t overthink anything too much,” Sirius said.

“I won’t,” James promised, “Thank you.”

“And we _are_ talking about this later,” Sirius said again, strictly, “Now go, so you can come back and enjoy this fantastic party that I’m holding.”

James nodded gratefully and slipped away without further interference. It was cold out, and he slightly regretted his newfound lack of gloves, but he wandered up to the top of the astronomy tower, which was empty, and leaned against the side, looking over the school grounds.

He realized his heart was pounding, and his palms were sweaty, despite the cold. His gut was continuing to churn in a highly uncomfortable fashion, and he became dizzy, so he made himself sit down with his back against the wall.

“What’s wrong with me?” He murmured out loud.

He closed his eyes, running a hair through his messy hair, and he sighed-- because he knew exactly what was wrong.

He knew what, or rather who, was getting him so worked up. He knew, and he hated it. He hated how helpless he felt and he hated the part of his brain that was stuck on her, the part that was repeating her name over and over and over again until he wanted to rip his hair out.

Lily.

Lily blasted Evans.

 

 _Hogwarts Castle, September twenty sixth, 1973_  

“Why do you hate me so much?” his hair was falling in front of his eyes as he asked the question, and he ran a hand through it, mussing it up in what could only be described as James Potter’s signature move.

“Because you won’t leave me alone,” Lily Evans rolled her eyes as she delivered the usual response.

“But why do you want me to leave you alone?” James hurried to keep up with her-- she was walking to Herbology much faster than he thought necessary, and was fairly sure that it was some kind of ploy to shake him.

“Because you’re an arrogant, bullying toerag,” the redhead, snapped, keeping her eyes forward.

“Come on, Evans, I’m not that bad,” James smirked, “At least I’m easy on the eyes.”

“Arrogant,” Lily repeated, continuing to look straight ahead of her and speeding up her already quick pace.

“Wait, Evans,” James once again hurried to keep up with her, “Lily.”

She stopped, turning to look at him angrily, “What?”

“I just--” not actually expecting her to stop, James hadn’t prepared anything to say. So instead, he stared at her. Maybe not his smoothest moment.

Her lips were parted slightly, and she was glaring at him, her red hair falling around her shoulders, a few loose, shorter pieces (had they been bangs once? He was sure they had…) tucked behind her ear on one side. She looked very flustered, and he kind of wanted to kiss her.

This was not a thought that thirteen year old James Potter was expecting to have, but once it crossed his mind he found himself awkwardly staring at her lips.

He had, of course, kissed someone before. There was something about him that most people, save Lily Evans, apparently, found very appealing, and he hadn’t had an excessive amount of trouble scoring his first kiss back in first year, nor had he found it hard to engage in multiple snogging dates in his second year. At thirteen years old, James was quite proud of his experience-- per se-- but he certainly was not expecting to want to further those experiences with Lily Evans.

He hadn’t, up to this point, given his growing need to have her like him much thought. Though now, he realized, it made a bit more sense. But really? A crush on Lily Evans?

Well, not a crush-- he reminded himself-- he just wanted to snog her.

Right?

“Potter?” Lily raised her eyebrows at him.

He remembered that he was staring at her, “Yes?”

“'Yes?' Are you kidding me?” Lily looked very exasperated, “I thought you had something to say."

“I did,” James said. He found her lips very fascinating when she was exasperated with him. The corners would press down just the slightest bit, and her bottom lip would stick out in a way that James found very distracting and very, very nice.

“And what would that have been?” Lily sounded very annoyed.

James was silent for a bit more, attempting to form a complete sentence that might not piss Lily off more-- though a small part wanted to see what those pale pink lips would do when she was really angry-- then, “Go out with me.”

“What?” She clearly wasn’t expecting this, though to be fair, he was not expecting to say it either. Both students were a bit thrown by the sudden proclamation

“Go out with me,” James said, slightly more confident the second time around. If this was what he was going with, he figured he should at least sound sure of himself.

“No,” Lily said curtly.

James frowned, “You didn’t give that much thought.”

“There wasn’t much to think about.”

“Ouch, Evans, that’s harsh,” James felt like disappearing, or getting a time turner, going back two minutes, and punching himself in the face before he had a chance to give a single thought to Lily Evans’ lips.

“You’re a complete arse to my best friend,” Lily said angrily, “And you’re constantly doing things for attention. In fact, now that I think about it, this was probably a dare from Black or someone. Or you just like making me angry.”

“I’m not asking you out to make you angry and I would never, ever ask someone out as a dare. That’s just cruel. As for Snivellus, well... he’s a bit of a prick himself, if you ask me--”

“I didn’t,” Lily interrupted in defense of Snape, and James inwardly cringed (why would he ever dig that hole deeper for himself?).

He continued nonetheless, “I’m asking you out because I thought we could go to Hogsmeade and, you know--”

“What? Snog?” Lily said cooly, “I’m not going to snog you, if that’s what you’re hoping.”

Dammit. That had been exactly what he had been hoping for.

Wait, could girls read minds?

“Lily--”

“I have to go to class,” Lily said, turning and quickly walking away.

He watched her go, racking his brain for something to say, but came up with nothing, so instead, he turned and sulked to class.

He thought about Lily for the rest of the week.

 

_The Great Hall, February fourteenth, 1974_

 “Happy Valentine’s Day, Evans,” James sauntered up to where Lily was sitting with her friends, Alice and Marlene, her nose buried in that day’s edition of The Daily Prophet.

“You too,” Lily responded through a bite of toast. She continued reading the newspaper, her sarcasm lost on the black-haired boy behind her.

“Have you got a date for the Hogsmeade trip today? It is St. Valentine’s Day and all...” James prompted. Alice rolled her eyes, though Lily was apparently oblivious to where this conversation was heading as she shook her head no.

“Well would you like one?” James asked hopefully.

“With whom?” Lily looked up from the paper, arching an eyebrow at James.

“...Me?” James looked optimistic. He was grinning, but there was something a bit nervous about his smile.

“No, thank you,” Lily said politely, turning back to an article on the front page of The Daily Prophet, trying to ignore the way the corners of his grin dropped the slightest bit.

“C’mon, Evans,” James groaned, “Please?”

“This is the fourth time you’ve asked me out,” Lily stated.

“You’ve been counting?” He smirked, “Didn’t know you cared.”

Lily chose to ignore this comment, “When are you going to stop?”

“I like you, so… Never?” James said plainly, winking at the back of her head.

“That’s not funny,” Lily snapped. She stood up from the table, looking up at him, “I know you seem to think my romantic endeavors are some kind of joke, or altogether nonexistent, but I could quite easily find a date to Hogsmeade if I wanted to and it would be even easier for me to find someone to have a quick snog with. You’re just being a prick.”

“Lily that’s not--” James began, but she had already turned to storm out of the Great Hall.

“Tough luck kid,” Marlene shrugged, taking a bite of sausage, “Maybe Sirius could hook you up with someone for today?”

“I don’t to go on a date with someone, I want to go on a date with Lily,” James huffed, sitting down in Lily’s empty spot.

“Good luck with that,” Alice responded and James had a strong feeling she meant it more sarcastically than not.

 

_Outside the Gryffindor Common Room, December fifth, 1975_

The first time James experienced true, full on jealousy, was on a Friday afternoon. He was walking back from the library where he had been “studying” with Remus, Sirius, and Peter (Peter and Remus had, actually, been studying, however, Sirius and James had been playing a very loud game of ‘Exploding Snap’ right outside of the Restricted Section) when he came across a boy and a girl, snogging very passionately, in a corner near the portrait hole.

He would’ve ignored it, because really, it wasn’t as if he hadn’t done the same, but at that very moment, the boy moved from the girl’s lips, down to her neck, and James' stomach dropped as the girl’s all too familiar face was revealed.

His first instinct was to hit something. Hitting something seemed like an excellent idea, at the time-- preferably the prat’s face. Thankfully, he did not act on this immediate instinct. Instead, he spluttered out, “What-- what are you--? What are you doing?” This question seemed a lot more logical in his head.

The boy looked up, James vaguely recognized him as a sixth year Hufflepuff, and gave a smug smile that put James’ own smirk to shame, “What does it look like, Mate?”

“I-- I just meant--” James faltered.

“Go away, Potter,” Lily said quietly.

“Old boyfriend, Lily?” the Hufflepuff boy’s question was aimed at Lily, but James felt perfectly entitled to answer as well.

“No,” Lily and James responded at the same time. Lily blushed. James still wanted to hit something, and the boy’s noise was looking more and more like a viable target.

“James,” Lily’s voice was pleading, “Can you please just--?”

“Go?” James tried to keep his voice from sounding bitter as he forced a smirk on to his face, “Sorry to interrupt. Have fun kids. But not too much fun-- my best mate’s a Prefect, and Merlin knows what would happen if he happened to catch you shagging outside the Common Room.”

“Go away, Potter,” Lily said angrily.

“You’re a prefect too-- aren’t you, Evans? Shouldn’t you know better?”

She looked at him venomously, which he took as his cue to leave.

James hurried through the portrait hole, into the Gryffindor Common Room, and made for his dormitory, stalking past a group of giggling third years. Upon reaching his destination, he kicked his trunk violently, letting out a loud curse (because damn, that really fucking hurt).

Who the hell did Lily think she was? She had no right to go around snogging boys (more specifically, boys that weren’t James Potter) in dark corners and she had no right to let them kiss her neck and grope her.

This wasn’t okay.

Well-- actually, it technically was. And technically, Lily was perfectly entitled to snog whomever she pleased and technically she had every right to be felt up in dark corners. The truth was: James had absolutely no say in the matter.

The truth was also this: James positively loathed technicalities because he really wished that he was the one snogging Lily in dark corners.

He knew that tomorrow, Lily was going to have a love bite on her neck from the bloody, slimy Hufflepuff. And he knew that she would be hiding it with her long red hair, and that he probably wouldn’t even have to see it. But regardless of that fact, he would still know that it was there-- and that kind of made him want to kick his trunk again.

Why didn’t she like him? Why wasn’t she even the least bit interested in him? He couldn’t possibly be as horrible as she seemed to think. He wondered if she was dating the Hufflepuff boy or just wanted to snog him. He wondered what it would be like if he was dating her. He realized that this was so much more than wanting to snog and shag her; at some point it had become wanting to hold her hand and make her laugh and take her on dates and tell her how beautiful and brilliant she was--

Hell, it had become loving her-- and it was hurting more than anything he had ever felt in his entire life.

 

_The Astronomy Tower, September twenty third, 1977_

That was the last time James had felt this helpless-- two years ago-- and he hated it just as much now as he had then. Fifteen year old James had not taken the idea of loving Lily very well. He had collapsed on his bed and closed his eyes and willed himself to fall asleep, which only brought dreams of the red hair and green eyes, until Remus, Sirius, and Peter ventured into their dormitory, looking for James, who had missed dinner.

They had been very supportive, and for some reason they believed him, although James was sure that anyone else would’ve dismissed the idea of a fifteen year old in love. Even James would’ve dismissed the idea of a fifteen year old in love. And maybe he wasn’t “in love”, but he certainly loved Lily and to fifteen year old James those seemed like pretty much the same thing. He knew it in his gut, or his heart, or his head, or whatever thing people know those sorts of things in and he told this in desperation to his three friends, followed by, “What do I do?”

“Wait it out,” Remus had said, “It will go away.”

“I think you’ve just got to get over her, Prongs” Sirius had said.

And Peter had said, “I agree with Padfoot and Moony.”

But there James was, on top the astronomy tower, still in love with Lily Evans-- two whole years later.

“James?” Remus stood at the top of the ladder that led to the roof of the tower, eyeing James tentatively, “Sirius said you were off. That you wanted space, but bloody hell mate, you look like a wreck-- I’m surprised he let you wander off alone.”

James looked down at himself; his shirt was untucked after haphazardly getting dressed after Quidditch, and he supposed his hair was even messier than usual, as he tended to grab at it and mess with it a lot when he was upset. His glasses were sliding down the bridge of his nose and he hastily pushed them back into place.

“It’s Lily, isn’t it?” Remus said, knowingly. He sat down next to James.

“Yeah,” James murmured.

“What’re you thinking?” Moony laid a hand on his shoulder in a move that would have been comforting if either boy was really one for comfort.

“I’m in love with her,” James said, voice barely above a whisper, “And that fucking terrifies me.”

“Why?”

“Because-- because I’m James bloody Potter! I always know what I’m doing. That’s my thing. I’m sure of myself. But with her it’s like... I don’t even know-- it’s like I don’t know what to do or how to act or what to say and I don’t know why because I always know what to do or how to act or what to say. And I feel so bloody helpless because I can’t do anything about it. If she doesn’t like at least a tiny part of me by now, then she never will. I’ve tried everything, Moony. I don’t even know like-- what have I done wrong? No, that’s a stupid question. I know exactly what I’ve done wrong. But I can’t-- there has to be some way to like, redeem myself, yeah? I just-- I’m seventeen years old. I shouldn’t be pining after a girl I’ve liked since I was what-- eleven? Twelve? Merlin, I should be off shagging some girl right now because my team just won a bloody match against Slytherin but instead I’m sulking over a girl that I have no doubt I would be happy spending the rest of my life with.”

"Prongs..."

"No, I mean it Moony. If I got to spend every day of my life with her I would be the luckiest bloke in the entire world."

"I believe you," Remus said, "Or at least I think that you really believe that. And Lily is really great; I really like her, though obviously not in that way-- don’t get jealous-- but Prongs-- there're other fish in the sea and maybe... maybe it's time that you realized that?"

"Lily is like a seahorse in an ocean full of fish," James said thoughtfully.

"If you weren't so distressed right now I would clock you over the head for that," Remus chuckled, "Don't ever let Padfoot hear you say that--or he will."

"That was pretty bad, wasn't it?"

"Completely horrid," Remus nodded, "And it didn't even really make sense."

"I'm pathetic."

"You're just in love."

"Like I said. Pathetic."

"Nah. You'll get over her," Remus patted him on the shoulder.

"What if I don't?" Remus was surprised to hear how scared James sounded

"If you don't, well-- I think you're starting to grow on her," Remus said bracingly.

"Really?"

It was kind of pathetic, really, how hopeful he looked.

* * * 

"Mission: Make Lily Fall In Love With James is a go."

"This will be impossible."

"When has impossible ever stopped The Marauders before?"

James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were sitting in the Common Room. It was almost four in the morning and the last few partiers had disappeared an hour ago.

Sirius continued, "I'm telling you Prongs. This is going to work."

"What, exactly, is this thing that's going to work?" James sighed.

"Leave it to me. I’ve already got a plan. Anyway, I’m off to bed,” with that, Sirius stood up and exited the Common Room.

“This can’t be good,” James concluded.

“It can’t be that bad though,” Remus said positively, “She can’t really hate you more than she does already, mate.”

“It could be,” Peter commented, “And she can.”

“Thanks Wormtail,” James shot him a glare, “That really made me feel better.”

“Oh! Prongs!” Sirius stuck his head back into the Common Room, “Orchids. And Daffodils. Favorite flowers.”

"What?" James called after him, but he had disappeared again.

"That makes so much more sense," Remus seemed to be reflecting on something.

"What the bloody hell are you two talking about?" James turned to Remus.

"Oh nothing," Remus shrugged, "But it's true-- they’re her favorite flowers."

"Do you know what Padfoot is planning, then?" James narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"No idea," he shrugged again, and it was bothering James how nonchalant he was being, "We'll find out though, won't we?"

James found it hard to be optimistic when his future happiness was in the hands of Sirius Black-- one of the most reckless young wizards Hogwarts had ever seen.

* * * 

It was Monday. Which meant tired Gryffindors, angry Slytherins, confused Hufflepuffs, and exasperated Ravenclaws. And the fact that it was Mondayalso meant first block Potions for James Potter and his fellow Seventh-Year Gryffindors-- including the ever-impressive and exceedingly distracting (in the opinion of a certain Gryffindor chaser) Lily Evans.

“Alright, split up. You can chose your own partners today, as a treat because it’s Monday,” Slughorn began the class in his usual fashion: with an announcement that was supposed to be spectacular, but usually fell pretty flat, “Today we are making Draught of Living Death. See? Fun for a Monday!” He chuckled, “Nothing too hard, and you get to choose your own partner. Alright, you know what to do.”

People began to move around the room. Remus immediately paired up with Peter, who generally struggled in the class, so James turned to Sirius, assuming that they were already partners, “Do you have the--”

“Sorry, Mate,” Sirius interrupted him, grinning mischievously, “I’m already partners with Frank.”

“Padfoot,” James whined, frowning at Sirius.

“Why don’t you go be partners with Evans? She doesn’t have one,” Sirius’ grin widened.

James looked around the room; Alice and Marlene had paired up, Mary was sitting next to Dorcas, and Lily was already preparing her work station, though she seemed to be doing so alone. After a thorough scanning of the room, James realized that he and Lily were the two remaining students without a partner, and he glared at Sirius. “I’m going to kill you.”

“What are you talking about?” Sirius asked in mock astonishment, “What have I done?”

James continued to glare at him.

“Mr. Potter? Have you found a partner yet?” Slughorn came over to where James was frowning at Sirius.

“No,” he responded, reluctantly, knowing what was coming.

“Well hurry up,” Slughorn smiled at him, “You should be finished by the end of class.”

Frank moved over to work with Sirius, so James gathered up his things and dropped them at the table Lily was already working.

“Um, hi?” Lily gave him a questioning look as he sat down without explanation.

“I’m working with you,” James grumbled, eyes focused on the cauldron in front of them.

“I’m was planning on working alone...” Lily said awkwardly.

“Well my friends have gone and ditched me for other people,” James rested his head on the table, using his arms as a pillow, “And as easy as this potion might be, I’m a bit less than Proficient in this class. So… me and you. Partners?”

“Fine, but if you mess it up I’m not going to be happy,” Lily said, pushing her potion book closer to James so that they could both look at it.

“Would I ever want to make you unhappy?” James smiled sweetly, turning his head to look at her.

Lily rolled her eyes, “Yes.”

“What? No, I wouldn’t,” James frowned, then added, “At least not on purpose.”

“Okay, Potter,” Lily smiled slightly, “Sure thing. Go get the Asphodel, will you?”

“I’m serious, Lily,” James insisted, “I would never make you unhappy on purpose.”

Lily pursed her lips, “Go on then.”

James sighed and went to get the ingredient she had requested. When he got back, she had already started preparing the rest of the ingredients, eyes glued on her knife as she carefully sliced a twisted-looking, black root, the name for which James could not bring himself to remember.

“So why aren’t you partners with Sirius, like usual?” Lily conversed as she worked.

“No idea,” James said through gritted teeth. He moved to put the Wormwood Essence into their already-boiling potion, but Lily grabbed his wrist.

“No!” Lily looked very alarmed, “Don’t put that in yet, it will mess up the entire potion.”

“Shit. Sorry,” James decided that it was officially a bad day. Nothing was going well.

“Don’t worry,” Lily shrugged, calming down considerably due to the avoidance of the mishap, “I caught you, nothing happened. Don’t beat yourself up about it.” She seemed to think this comment was a joke-- as if James Potter would ever beat himself up about something-- but James failed to find the humor in it.

“That was a stupid mistake though,” James sat down, appearing defeated.

“When has that ever gotten to you before?” Lily grinned at him but faltered at the expression on James’ face, “Hey. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He said flatly, looking up at her, “Why?”

“Because, you’re acting weird. Like, way less confident than usual,” Lily said. She turned up the heat with her wand, then focused her green eyes on James’ face.

“Maybe I realized that I don’t have anything to be confident about,” James retorted, playing with a stray string on the sleeve of his robe.

Lily snorted, “You can hardly expect me to believe that.”

“I thought you liked me when I wasn’t confident,” James said stubbornly.

“I said arrogant. Not confident. There’s nothing wrong with confident,” Lily explained, “And when has anything I’ve ever said affected you before? You’ve asked me out eight times regardless of the fact that I’ve always turned you down.”

“Fair enough,” James inspected his fingernails.

“So what’s wrong, then?” Lily pushed.

“You’re persistent, you are,” James said as if this was a very helpful fact.

“So I’ve heard,” Lily grabbed the bottle of Wormwood Essence that James had set down on the table, and dumped the entire contents in, stirring the potion with her wand, eyes still trained on James.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” James said. He had the vague impression that he was acting like a child but he really didn’t care at that moment.

“Okay,” Lily shrugged.

“That’s hardly living up to the persistent character trait we were just discussing.”

“I’m not going to force you to talk about something you don’t want to,” Lily said reasonably, “You’ll talk about it when you’re ready. Plus, I can’t really expect you to talk to me about anything that’s troubling you.”

“Why not?” James frowned.

“Because I haven’t exactly been nice to you,” Lily told him.

“Yes, you have,” James defended her.

“I told you I’d rather snog the giant squid than I would you,” Lily said matter of factly.

“Did you mean it?” James asked.

“Of course not.”

“Then who cares?”

“I do,” Lily said seriously.

“Well I don’t,” James countered, “Did you want me to help with that?” He motioned towards the cauldron.

“Nah, don’t worry about it. And I’ve been mean.”

“I publicly embarrassed your best friend on multiple occasions. You had good reason to hate me. If anyone’s mean, it’s me,” James argued.

“I’m still sorry,” Lily said quietly.

“You are?” James sounded incredulous.

“Yes. I am. You’re not as bad as I thought,” Lily stated.

“And how bad was that?” James ran a hand through his hair, mussing it up in that way that Lily used to find annoying, and was quickly finding-- she cut off the thought before she could let it come to completion.

“Pretty bad,” Lily made a face, “Like really, really bad.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.”

“So technically ‘not as bad as you thought’ could still be bad.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Lily said defensively, “I mean, like, you’re alright.”

“Alright? That’s it? Evans, you wound me,” James clutched his chest where his heart was.

“James! That’s not what I mean,” Lily looked very worried that she was genuinely offending him, “I’m trying to compliment you!”

“You’re not very good at it,” James said, pretending to be serious. He fought back a grin. She appeared very flustered-- he found it rather adorable.

“I’m sorry! I meant like--” Lily dropped the vial she had poured a sample of their potion into. The glass shattered as it hit the floor and James started laughing.

“Lily! I’m kidding! I’m just messing with you!” James said between laughs.

Lily picked up her potion book and hit James with it, “You absolute prat!” She moved closer to him so that she could hit him with the book again, but instead she slipped on the potion she had just dropped, falling straight into James and knocking both of them back onto the floor. There was a very loud crash, which earned them both amused and annoyed looks from the rest of their classmates.

“I never knew you were so clumsy,” James was now having trouble breathing due to laughing so hard.

“Stop!” Lily cried indignantly, but seemed as if she was holding back a laugh, “It’s not funny!”

“It’s hilarious,” James snorted. To make matters worse, Lily tried to stand up, only to find James slightly on top of the edge of her robes, which caused her to fall over again.

James was overcome with a new fit of laughter. Lily crossed her arms, frowning slightly. When he regained his composure, James stood up, offering Lily a hand but she shook her head no, apparently resolving to sit on the floor to avoid further injuries.

“Ms. Evans,” Professor Slughorn walked up behind them, “What are you doing on the floor?”

Lily’s face turned the color of her hair, “Nothing, sorry, Professor.” She stood up quickly and steadied herself on the table.

“Here, Professor,” James poured a new vial of the potion and handed it to Slughorn, “We’re done.”

“Thank you,” Slughorn took the vial from him and walked back to the front of the room, announcing, “Half an hour left!”

“Half an hour?” James looked incredulously at Lily, who still looked very red in the face, “How did we finish so quickly?”

“I dunno, I usually finish this early?” Lily shrugged, “I mean depending on the potion. Sometimes it takes the entire class.”

“You’re incredible, you know that?” James waved his wand, cleaning up the spilled potion.

“I’m also, apparently, the worlds biggest klutz,” Lily straightened her shirt out.

“You’ll look back and laugh about that,” he consoled her, still grinning.

“That was horrifyingly embarrassing,” Lily sat down.

“It was hilarious,” James grinned.

“For you!”

“You’ll laugh about it in a couple years,” James said knowingly.

Lily stuck her tongue out at him.

“Really? You’re seventeen,” James teased.

“I could write an essay on things you’ve done that are below your age,” Lily responded.

“Touché,” James said, “So what do we do now?”

“Homework,” Lily pulled out a piece of parchment.

“You’re joking,” James said, “If Sirius and I finished this quickly we would never, ever do homework.”

“Well, I’m not exactly very similar to Sirius.”

“Kind of are, though. I mean, you both have been sort of alienated from your family; you for being a wizard and Sirius for being a ‘blood traitor’. And you both have siblings that you used to be really close to but have sort of turned their backs on you because of what you’ve chosen for yourself.”

Lily stared at him.

“Sorry, did I say something I shouldn’t have?” James asked.

“No, that was just really... deep, I guess,” Lily said, turning back to her parchment.

“I was a very old wise wizard in my previous life,” James told her, “And sometimes my previous self comes through and I spurt out bits of wisdom. Usually though, I’m just plain old James, the Not-Very-Old-Nor-Very-Wise Wizard.”

Lily laughed. And shit, James wanted to kiss her again. He really wished this would stop happening, but her laugh was really bloody great and he wanted to make her laugh again. And he wanted to kiss her.

“Want to hear a joke?” James asked, ignoring just how cheesy the words sounded.

Lily looked amused, “Sure.”

“What do you call a Ravenclaw in the infirmary?” James said seriously. Sirius would probably kill him for it later-- undoubtedly he could hear them and if this was true it was even more undoubtable that he was listening to their conversation.

“What?” Lily raised her eyebrows.

“Ill-Literate,” James said proudly, “Get it? Cause they’re ill, but they’re literate.”

Lily snorted, “That is probably the worst joke I’ve ever heard.”

“I tried,” James sighed. Humor was not proving a horribly clever way to woo Lily Evans.

“You, James Potter, have the worst jokes I have ever heard,” Lily informed him.

“I pull some wicked cool pranks though,” James defended himself.

“So talented.”

“Thank you, Evans, that means so very much to me,” James grinned at her.

Lily shoved him gently and James’ heart leaped in his chest, pounding against his ribcage in a way that he was sure Lily could hear. But she was smiling at him and they were getting along and she had told him that she didn’t really think he was as horrid as she’d initially thought. So maybe this Monday wasn’t going to be a waste after all.


	5. Death Consumers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No, James, they don't literally eat death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, here's chapter four! thank you for waiting a week longer than usual. this one's a little bit longer (10k what??) but i hope you enjoy it!! -z

_Great Hall, September twenty fifth, 1977_

 

**24 September 1977**

**Sirius Black**

 

**My dearest cousin, I am writing to you now, out of the deep concern I hold for you, specifically surrounding the situation you have brought upon yourself.**

**You see, you have created a very compromising situation, and I therefore greatly hope that you will reflect on your actions and face the consequences necessary. That being said: the time for holding grudges is over, and we must pick our sides as a family. I hope you shall be pleased to know that although your mother seems to be unwilling to forgive you, I press her to do so every day. I believe she will come around when necessary.**

**You have made many mistakes, Sirius, and your loyalties have been questionable, but I strongly believe this has all been merely an act of rebellion. I understand the want to defy one's parents. Regardless of this fact, you are seventeen now, you have come of age, I urge you to drop these childish antics so that you can return to your family and strengthen your pureblood ties once more.**

**It is not too late for you, Sirius, and I recommend that you read these next words I write very carefully, as I do not write them lightly: There is a war coming, and you best be on the right side of it when it does.**

 

**With love,**

**Your cousin,**

**Bella Lestrange**

 

Sirius crumbled up Bellatrix's note, fuming as he picked up his wand, which had previously been resting against his full cereal bowl, and waved it with an angry flick, setting the parchment aflame.

"Padfoot? What was that?" James looked from his breakfast to his friend with a slightly alarmed expression on his face. It wasn’t every day that Sirius set things on fire at breakfast.

"A bloody letter from Bellatrix. Looks like she got married, too," Sirius' voice was incredibly bitter and he stabbed his toast with his knife quite violently, “Didn’t even invite me to the wedding, that bitch. Not that I would’ve gone.”

"And what did it say?" James ignored the side-musing, gesturing to the letter as his frown deepened.

"She wants me to go home. Apologize to Mum and the rest of the thought. She believes that I've simply rebelled as a teenager, but now expects me to go home and 'urges me'--" Sirius created air quotes with his fingers, "to 'drop these childish antics'. I'm going to bloody gut her."

"Padfoot..."

"Who the fuck does she think she is? Did I not make it clear to my mother, when I left, that I had absolutely no intention of returning ever again? This is bullshit! My mother probably put her up to it!" Sirius stood up, ignoring the fact that if Bellatrix’s letter was correct, there was no way his mother would’ve put her up to it. He stormed out of the Great Hall and James, after stuffing one last bite of toast into his mouth and looking sadly at the amount of food remaining on his plate, followed after him. He swallowed the toast hastily as he caught up to his friend.

"Look, Sirius, I know--"

"I would never, ever go back there, you know that, right?" Sirius sounded desperately panicked, "Never in this lifetime or any other--"

"Padfoot!" James interrupted him loudly, the two of them stopping a few yards away from the Great Hall entrance, "I know! I know that you wouldn't! Is that what you're worried about? Me questioning your loyalties?"

"I don't want you to think I'm like my family," Sirius said quietly, his eyebrows knitted together in concern, "I don't want anyone to think I'm like my family."

"You're not," James said seriously, "You’ve made that very clear, starting with the fact that you are a Gryffindor and all of them are Slytherins. For Merlin's sake! You ran away from your home! How could anyone ever think you're like your family?"

"Then why does Bellatrix think that I'm going to come back?"

"Because she's an insane bitch! She's trying to get to you Sirius, and freak you out! She probably doesn't like the way it looks, having you defy "The Noble House of Black" and so she wants you to come back and make it the perfect family image again."

"She said that there was a war coming," Sirius said quietly, remembering, "And that I should be on the right side."

"This is the right side, Padfoot," James' voice lowered to match Sirius’ pitch.

"I know," Sirius said glumly, "Pretty shit time to be alive though, right? Smack in the middle of all this muggle born-pureblood shit." He leaned against a wall, resting the back of his head against the cool stone.

"Hey, it isn't all that bad," James leaned his shoulder against the wall as well, so that he was still looking at Sirius, "We're going to be okay, Padfoot. We're on the right side and we've got plenty of people on it. Hell-- we've got Dumbledore, what's there to worry about? This is just a bunch of slimy, old-fashioned pure bloods biting off way more than they can chew. There’s not going to be a war. We’re picking sides in a squabble--nothing more."

Sirius nodded slightly, looking straight ahead of himself, as if staring at something in the distance. His face was still etched with distress.

"We're going to be okay," James repeated steadily.

"We're in this for the long run, I suppose," Sirius said thoughtfully, after a moment, "We'll have to give them a run for their money, yeah? Give 'em the Marauders to deal with."

"They won't know what hit them," James grinned.

Sirius seemed to reflect on James’ air confidence, considering whether or not to believe his statement. After another moment had passed, he concluded, "This sucks.”

"Always a bundle of joy,” James said sarcastically.

"We should do something,” Sirius ignored this comment. His stomach grumbled loudly, reminding him of the fact that he hadn’t actually finished his cereal. Or even started it for that matter. Bellatrix’s letter had been very interrupting.

"We are doing something,” James said, purposefully ignoring Sirius’ meaning.

"I mean something else,” Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Mmm... like what?" James pursed his lips.

"We haven't pranked anyone in a while..." Sirius prompted.

"I'm Head Boy now," James said flatly.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Sirius’ dismay was cut short; a loud chatter spilled out of the Great Hall as the doors opened and Remus appeared.

He looked as if he wanted to tell James and Sirius something, but he stopped short at the expression still on Sirius’ face, "Alright there?"

"No. Life sucks," Sirius said glumly.

"Always a bundle of joy," Remus remarked, coming over to where James and Sirius were both propped against the wall.

"That's what Prongs said," Sirius ran hand through his hair, not seeing fit to elaborate on his apparent unhappiness.

"What happened?" Remus looked at James for an answer.

"His dear cousin Bella wrote," James told him, voice dripping with sarcasm on the word ‘dear’.

"Shit,” Remus grimaced.

"Yeah."

"Nah, that's not what's wrong. I'm over that," Sirius shook his head, as if the thought was ridiculous, "I want to pull a new prank but James won't because--" He made his voice sound pompous-- "He's Head Boy now."

"Fair point," Remus said thoughtfully.

"Why am I friends with either of you?" Sirius glared at Remus.

"Okay fine," James gave in, "I have been dying to get back Mulciber for that stunt he pulled at the beginning of the year."

"He and Avery spilt pumpkin juice on Lily and Dorcas. That is not a stunt," Sirius informed him.

"Is too," James shot back.

"You're pathetic," Sirius stated, crossing his arms.

"I know," James let out a loud sigh.

"Both of you are pathetic," Remus crossed arms, "Sirius-- for calling James pathetic when he's in this delicate state--" James made a disgruntled noise at this remark "--And James, well, for being in this delicate state. Lily can stick up for herself, you don't need to be her knight in shining armor. Now we're going to come up with a bloody good prank and neither of your sorry asses are going to ruin that."

"You're cute when you're angry, Moony," Sirius made a face at him.

Remus chose to ignore this, "I'm going to the library before class starts. Let me know when you two are back to normal."

"Come on Moony! Don't be that way," Sirius called as Remus stalked away-- in a way that would be almost haughty if he wasn’t sort of struggling with the weight of his book bag.

"Pathetic!" Remus shot back over his shoulder.

Sirius looked at James and shrugged, "Wanna go be pathetic together?"

"Are you asking me out?" James said casually.

Sirius leaned in, whispering what would've been a seductive voice if it hadn’t been, well, Sirius, "Maybe I am."

James inspected his fingernails, as if he was thinking about Sirius' offer, then said, "You're not my type."

"I know a great broom cupboard on the fourth floor, we could have a shag and then maybe--"

"No!" James shoved Sirius, trying not to laugh.

"Let's go to the Three Broomsticks, I'm starving," Sirius changed the subject as his stomach grumbled again, more loudly this time.

"That's because you dramatically stormed out of the Great Hall before you'd even started eating," James felt inclined to point out, though he too, had certainly not helped himself to as much food as he’d wanted.

"I was in a state of distress," Sirius protested.

"I'm sure there's still some toast left if you like to go check.”

"I don't want toast."

"We have class in twenty minutes."

"Do you have a point or do you just enjoy hearing yourself speak?" Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"The latter, obviously," James grinned, "What are we waiting for, then?"

* * * 

The Three Broomsticks was crowded for a Tuesday morning; there were masses of people in the doorway and surrounding the bar, and the usual morning customers looked very disgruntled at the sudden influx of people. It was surprising to Sirius and James as well-- they had been to The Three Broomsticks on enough Tuesday mornings to know that it was unusually crowded, and they shoved their way through the front door and to the back of the pub.

"What's up, got a new whiskey or something?" Sirius commented as they slid into their usual booth, one slightly unnoticeable if someone  were to walk in and search for them. It was private, quiet; they were able to discuss whatever they pleased without having to worry about anyone listening in.

James shrugged, tossing his coat onto the booth seat, "I'll check it out when I'm up there. The usual?"

"It's like, ten o'clock, Prongs," Sirius snorted, given that his usual was a weird mixture of Fire Whiskey and Single Malt Whiskey that only Sirius seemed to have a taste for.

"Padfoot," James rolled his eyes, "I meant the other usual."

The other usual being what they got when they skived off morning lessons.

"You know me so well," Sirius pretended to bat his eyelashes.

James barked out a laugh as he went up to the bar, once again having to push his way through the throng of people that weren't actually ordering, but were rather just crowding the area of the bar.

"Oi!" James called loudly, "Some of us actually want to order something here!"

A few grumbling customers moved aside and James was able to shove the rest of his way through to the counter.

"Hi, James," Madam Rosmerta smiled. She looked very overwhelmed; her face was flushed and her hair was falling out of the few loose pins that held it back.

"Hey, Rosey," James smiled warmly, "Can I get a cup of tea, pumpkin juice, two plates of eggs, one side of sausage, one side of bacon... oh and some porridge. And rolls."

"Merlin, are they starving you up at that school?" Rosmerta asked as she put a kettle on for tea, quickly raising the heat with her wand.

"Hardly," James leaned against the counter, "Sirius, er, saw fit to leave before we'd had a decent breakfast, so now we're making up for it."

"Missing class, then?" Rosmerta called casually over her shoulder, busying herself with food preparation.

"What can I say?" James held his hands up in defense, "I'm a rebel. Say, what's all the crowd here for anyway? Not that it's not a fantastic place to be, but it is a Tuesday morning."

"Haven't you heard?" Rosmerta turned around, frowning slightly but continuing when James shook his head, "There's been another attack. The Penhallows, ever heard of them?" James shook his head again, "Really nice lot, lovely, talented couple, really, Edward and Francine... I believe they went to Hogwarts about five years ago. Eddie works for the Ministry and Franny is a Healer at St. Mungo's... anyway, point is, they're both really brilliant, but they both come from muggle families--"

"So they were attacked because of their blood status--?” James interjected with disgust, it wasn’t new, but he was still hit with a wave of anger every time he heard about it, “Are they okay?”

"Both getting patched up right now, a few days in St. Mungo's should do Fran good. Looks like Eddie might have to spend a couple weeks there... It’s been said that he’s suffering from some psychological damage. That’s why it’s so crowded, you know. Everyone’s swapping rumors."

James frowned, "What do you mean psychological damage? Like the--"

"Cruciatus Curse, yes." Rosmerta said in a low voice, "Few people here have been saying that If it's used too long on a person, it can drive them a bit insane. Luckily for the Penhallows, the attackers didn't stick around long. Turns out Eddie had a very important meeting and the Ministry found it odd when he didn't show. Sent someone to check up on him. Must've scared them away, anyhow."

"Rosey," James said slowly, "When you say... them... do you mean the Death Eaters?"

"That's what they’re calling themselves, innit?" Rosmerta said darkly, "The organization behind the hate crimes. I’ll let you enjoy your food now."

She placed James' full order of steaming hot food and drinks, all stacked neatly on a tray, on the counter in front of him.

"Thanks, Rosey," James smiled, trying to keep his voice even.

"Stay safe, alright James?" Rosmerta said as he picked up the tray. He could tell that she was trying to sound casual, and her expression succeeded, but her voice gave away her worry as James nodded and made his way back through the crowd. People were clearly more compliant to get out of the way when he was carrying a hot tray of food.

"You look troubled," Sirius said as James sat down, placing the food and drinks in front of him.

"Bloody Death Eaters have struck again," James informed him, quickly filling him in on everything Rosmerta had just said.

Sirius took a sip of pumpkin juice, swallowed, “Fuckin’ disgusting. That's what Bellatrix wants me to do, you know that? No fuckin' way-- this is so bloody wrong."

“I know,” James nodded glumly, his heart felt like a stone in his stomach.

“Do they know which Death Eaters did it?” Sirius asked spitefully, taking a bite of his eggs.

“Didn’t ask,” James looked around for a copy of The Daily Prophet, which he found deserted on an empty table next to them. He opened it up and scanned the article on the front page, until he found what he had been looking for, “Looks like they were wearing masks, from what Mrs. Penhallow has said. Mr. Penhallow hasn’t been in a fit state to talk about it.”

“Fuckin’ pricks,” Sirius murmured, “Ten galleons says it was Bellatrix and that Rodolphus bloke she apparently married. Does it say how many of them?”

“Four,” James said sullenly.

“So they’re cowards too,” Sirius said bitterly, “Couldn’t manage a fair fight. Had to have four against two. Really bloody noble.”

“This is probably what Moony was coming to tell us about,” James recalled, “Why’s this got so much press, though? I mean there’ve been plenty of hate crimes against muggle borns--”

“Moony said that it was up 78% in the past four months.” Sirius offered, ignoring the questioning look James sent him.

“--so why’s everyone flipping over this one, specifically?” James finished, his fork hovering near his mouth.

“Probably cause the Penhallows are important people. Mr. Penhallow does something fancy with the Ministry and Ms. Penhallow’s an expert healer. The Daily Prophet wants to report stories about people the public will love, not the next muggle born witch or wizard who gets attacked,” Sirius’ voice sounded torn between being reasonable and being angry.

“Sounds like rubbish to me,” James frowned.

“It is,” Sirius agreed, “The other reportings of muggle born violence are only seen by people like Moony who actually read the paper front to back, and even then it’s just a statistic. And statistics, by default, are boring, so nobody actually reads them.”

“Except Moony,” James said.

“Except Moony,” Sirius agreed, “Which is technically against the ‘Don’t-Be-Boring’ rule, by the way.”

“So we’ve got a government who would rather look in control than tell it’s people what’s going on, and a newspaper that only reports the, as determined by them, interesting stuff,” James summed up.

“Pretty much,” Sirius matched James’ frown, “And here I was, wanting to have a pleasant morning.”

“Sometimes life gets in the way,” James said thoughtfully.

“Prongs, your wise old wizard is showing,” Sirius took a bite of sausage.

“I told Lily about my wise old wizard,” James stirred his tea with his spoon.

“I know,” Sirius snorted, “Nice joke, by the way, what was it... Ill-literate?”

“I knew you were eavesdropping!” James accused.

“More like... accidentally overhearing,” Sirius corrected, “Trust me, I would never have chosen to hear that joke if I’d known it was coming.”

“It wasn’t one of my finest moments,” James admitted.

“It was probably one of the worst,” Sirius told him.

“At least I didn’t give Dorcas Meadowes itching powder filled flowers in first year because I wanted her to notice me,” James smirked before taking a sip of tea.

“I thought we agreed we wouldn’t talk about that,” Sirius said, sounding appalled.

“I seem to recall you ordering Moony, Wormtail, and I to not talk about it...” James said offhandedly, “And more specifically I remember none of us agreeing to it.”

“It was one time!”

“Twice, actually,” James corrected him, “I believe it happened in second year, as well, with that Ravenclaw... Melanie, was it?”

“I hadn’t refined my skills yet,” Sirius defended, “That happened fourth year.”

“Don’t blame me, I offered to teach you my ways...” James said.

“Oh come off it, you didn’t know anything more than I did until halfway through third year,” Sirius reminded him, “Barely ahead of me. And I’ve upheld the reputation much better than you have.”

“Only because I’ve had to deal with the inconvenience of falling in love,” James sighed dramatically.

“Pathetic.”

“So people keep saying.”

 

_Hogsmeade, January twelfth, 1973_

 “Where’s Moony?”

“Sending a letter to his mother.”

“And Peter?”

“Not feeling well.”

“Just us, then?”

“Yeah.”

James Potter and Sirius Black entered the three broomsticks, taking off their cloaks and wiping their boots.

"Hi, Boys!" Madame Rosmerta called from behind the counter. Her curly hair was pinned back and she was smiling warmly as they bid her hello and went to a small booth in the back of the pub.

The pub itself was fairly quiet that afternoon; the weather was rather nasty and not many students had felt up to venturing outside, despite the scheduled Hogsmeade visit.

Sirius left to get drinks, returning a few moments later with two pints of butterbeer. James was pulling out a very old looking book as Sirius sat down next to him.

"What's that?" Sirius asked, a thin line of foam on his upper lip from the butterbeer.

"Book on animagi," James told him, turning the book slightly so that Sirius could see it as well, "I had my dad send it. I figured we'd need it. Told him it was for a school paper."

"Couldn't we have found something in the Hogwarts library?" Sirius questioned, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

"Nah, I looked. There's plenty of informational books, but none tell you the exact magic of it," James took a swig of his own butterbeer. The door to the pub creaked open, letting in a gust of cold air and snow, "This, however, does."

"Brilliant, how long do you think--"

"Shh!" James threw a hand over Sirius' mouth as the door shut and the faces of the new customers came into view. Lily Evans' dark red hair was hard to miss, and following behind her, as usual, was the infamous Severus Snape. Neither Lily nor Snape noticed James and Sirius as they sat down at a table by their booth.

Both of them were sporting red noses and cheeks and both of them looked very irritated.

"I just don't understand why you hang out with them!" Lily was saying as she removed her coat and scarf, "Do you think you can't do any better?"

Sirius held back a snicker at Lily's blunt question.

"I like them!" Snape insisted, "They're my friends!"

"Really, Sev?" Lily seemed disbelieving of this statement, "They're horrid! They're mean and they bully people."

"Avery and Mulciber are no better than Potter and Black," Sirius said, glaring at Lily.

"Well I don't very much like them either," Lily shot back. James flinched, "And if Avery and Mulciber are like Potter and Black, then _why_   would you want to hang around them anyway?"

Snape seemed to struggle with a response to Lily's very logical question, "They're not that bad, Lils."

"They hate me--"

"Because you're a Gryffindor--"

"--because I'm a mudblood!"

Snape looked taken aback at this accusation, "Lily--"

"It's true, isn't it? They hate all muggle borns, not just me," Lily accused angrily, "I've heard them talking about that group, what is it, the Death Eaters? That's freaky, Sev, it's not... it's not right."

"I'm not part of that--" Snape tried to defend himself but Lily cut him off again.

"Wouldn't you be, though?" Lily narrowed her eyes.

"What do you mean?" Snape frowned.

"If we weren't  best mates, wouldn't you be part of it?"

Snape was silent for a moment, then, "You know I don't think you're anything less than a pure blood."

"That's not the point, Sev," Lily said, "The point is that no muggle born wizards are less than pure bloods and even if they are it's not because they're muggle born. This isn't about your friends discriminating against me, it's about them discriminating against every muggle born witch and wizard there is and thinking themselves superior to us. I don't want you to not discriminate because of me, I want you to not discriminate because it's morally wrong."

Sirius kind of wanted to applaud Lily, but he was pretty sure neither James nor Lily would be pleased with him if he did.

Snape remained silent, staring at Lily, opening his mouth, then closing it, lost for words.

"When we were younger I asked you if it would matter that I was muggle born, remember?" Lily said, almost too quietly for Sirius and James to overhear.

Snape nodded slightly.

"And you told me it didn't, remember?"

"Yes," Snape replied quietly.

"Why did you tell me that?"

"Because I didn't want to worry you; I didn't want to scare you before you'd even been there," Snape admitted.

Lily remained quiet, staring very intently at the cracks in the wooden table.

"You look disappointed," Snape noted.

"I'm just upset that it's like this," Lily told him.

"What do you mean?"

"That we have fight against something as ridiculous as prejudice against blood status. I hate that it is something that matters."

"I'm sorry, Lils," Snape said softly.

"Me too," Lily said sadly, much sadder than James thought any thirteen year old had the right to be, especially Lily.

"Want me to go get some butterbeer?" Snape asked, hopeful to change the subject.

"Sure," Lily said sullenly, resting her chin on her hand.

Snape smiled weakly and left the table and a very unhappy Lily.

James removed his hand from Sirius' mouth and moved to stand up, "I'm gonna go talk to her."

"Like hell you are!" Sirius grabbed James by the back of his sweater and pulled him back into the booth.

"Come on, Padfoot!" James protested, "This is my chance to console her and show her that I'm... you know... nicer than she thinks I am!"

"James, Lily is not going to like you just because you play hero. In fact, she probably has no desire to talk to you right now, even less than usual, so as your best friend it is my duty to not let you do this," Sirius kept a firm grip on James' sweater.

"Padfoooot," James whined.

"Shhh!" this time it was Sirius who covered James' mouth with his hand, "She's going to hear you!"

"Good," James said loudly through Sirius' hand, "I want her to, maybe she'll come and save me."

"She's not going to play hero either," Sirius snapped, "Neither of you are going to play hero-OW! You bit me!" Sirius took away his hand, cradling it against his chest.

"You were covering my mouth," James crossed his arms, "What else was I going to do?"

"You're the most dramatic person I've ever met," Sirius decided.

James snuck a glance over at Lily and Snape’s table. Snape hadn't returned yet, but Lily was glaring maliciously at James and Sirius' childish display.

"Shit she noticed us," James dove under the table.

"I thought you wanted her to," Sirius pointed out.

"I wanted to go talk to her, I didn't want her to see me acting like an idiot," James said from underneath the table.

"Well you acting like even more of an idiot right now by hiding under the table," Sirius glanced over at Lily, "She just rolled her eyes. Presumably at you."

James moved back into his seat, straightening his sweater and mussing up his hair, "What's she doing now."

"She's coming over here."

"WHAT?" James practically yelled.

"Shut it, I'm only joking!" Sirius chuckled and James punched his shoulder.

"That wasn't funny," James huffed, crossing his arms again.

Sirius looked over at Lily and wiggled his eyebrows at her, he was met with a death glare.

"She's glaring at me," Sirius informed James, who was trying to look nonchalant and failing miserably.

James looked over at Lily and gave her his infamous grin.

"You're defacing the table, Potter," she called, crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair.

James looked down at his knife, which he was digging into the table top. He let go of it and it stuck straight up.

"I did that on purpose," James called back.

Lily raised her eyebrows, "Oh, really?"

"Really," Sirius kind of wanted to smack James over the head.

It was at that moment that Snape decided to return to the table, carrying two very full butterbeers.

"What're you doing here?" Snape glared at them.

"Oh I dunno, probably the same thing you are," Sirius shot back sarcastically.

"What, are we not allowed to go to The Three Broomsticks, now?" James added.

"Nevermind," Snape muttered, sitting down.

"Whatever you say, Snivellus," Sirius taunted.

"Don't call him that," Lily said loudly, standing up and nearly knocking over her butterbeer.

"Why ever not?" Sirius asked, mock innocent.

"Because it's mean!" Lily said angrily.

"It's just a friendly nickname, Evans, chill out," Sirius responded calmly, a loose grin on his face.

"No it's not," Lily glared at them, "You’re both horrid bullies."

"At least we're not Death Eaters," James said coolly.

Lily's face flushed, "So you're eavesdroppers as well, then?"

"We didn't--" James started but Lily cut him off.

"So you just accidentally heard that part? I'd sooner go out with you then believe that."

Now it was James' who turned red, "C'mon, Padfoot, let's go."

Sirius stood up, shoving past Lily and James followed, though he was more careful not to touch Lily. Their half empty butterbeers sat neglected on the table.

"Bye Rosey!" James and Sirius called as they pulled on their cloaks.

"See ya, boys!" Madame Rosmerta responded, apparently unaware of the dispute between the Hogwarts students.

"The nerve of her," James said angrily as he and Sirius started the long walk back to the castle.

"The nerve of him," Sirius added, "I'd like to sock him, you know that?"

"But Evans!" James rose his voice to imitate hers, "I'd sooner go out with you then believe that-- was that really necessary?"

"They're both rotten," Sirius said, "Evans should've been in Slytherin as well. Then Snape could pursue her to his hearts desire."

"Bloody git doesn't deserve her," James quipped.

"I thought you were angry at her," Sirius looked at James pointedly.

"I'm more angry at Snape," James said, "Let’s prank the Slytherins."

"Best idea you've ever had," Sirius smiled wickedly, "What're you thinking of?"

Approximately a week later, every Slytherin in Hogwarts showed up to breakfast sporting skin colored brilliant shades of green. Quite literally. Not a metaphorical green to describe someone who’s looking under the weather. The skin tones of the very angry, almost bloodthirsty Slytherins were actually green. Various shades of green as well: light green, dark green, neon green, olive green, sea green... there was even a few lime colored tones. Even years later, nobody had a clue as to who was the culprit behind the green colored Slytherins, although James and Sirius were fairly certain McGonagall knew it was them. She had no proof, but she did call them into her office and give them a very long lecture about how the houses should get along with each other (she seemed slightly amused by the whole idea however, so the two boys weren’t too worried about their necks). The green-ness had worn off by the end of the week; Madame Pomfrey had had, much to her dismay, some trouble removing the greenness, mainly because she had been under the impression that it was green dye, when in reality James and Sirius had hunted through the library to find a very complex spell that actually changed the color of one’s skin.

One of their better pranks, if you asked either one of them.

 

_The Three Broomsticks, September twenty fifth, 1977_

“I’ve just had a thought,” Sirius said. Their plates were now empty and James was leaning back against his seat, feeling very full.

“Have you?” he asked, closing his eyes contently.

“Snape,” Sirius said slowly, “Think he’s a Death Eater?”

James forehead creased, opening his eyes to look at Sirius, “You really think so?

"Pretty fair chance of it," Sirius said with disgust, "Even Lily seemed to think so, remember?"

"If Mulciber and Avery are..." Sirius began thoughtfully, "and I mean, Snape doesn't have Lily around anymore to tell him what's right or wrong... I wouldn't be at all surprised if he was."

“Definitely wouldn’t put it below him,” James agreed, “But like... what do you want to do about it? Preferably something legal?”

Sirius chuckled, “What did we make the Marauder’s Map for?”

James pretended to think about it first, “Pretty sure we made it to make our night time adventures with Moony less risky.”

“Other than that,” Sirius said.

“So we could steal food from the kitchen without being caught...?” James asked, purposefully avoiding the point Sirius was trying to make--

“Other than that too,” --much to Sirius’ exasperation, apparently.

“To go to Hogsmeade even when it wasn’t a scheduled tri--”

“So we could follow Snape!” Sirius burst out.

“Really? We made it just for him?” James acted surprised, “You’d think we were obsessed with him or something.”

“Okay fine,” Sirius huffed, “We didn’t make it specifically for that. It falls into the miscellaneous uses category, though.”

“So what,” James leaned forward, looking in his tea cup to see if there was any left. There wasn’t. "We follow him and see if he’s up to anything?”

“You read my mind,” Sirius grinned mischievously.

“But why?” James shrugged, “What’s the point?”

Sirius frowned, “Because! He shouldn’t be allowed to get away with this! He’s-- he’s not a good person, Prongs. In fact, he’s probably evil.”

“I guess we can see what he’s up to...” James paused, “But nothing over the top, yeah? I’m supposed to be responsible now.”

“Stupid Head Boy duties,” Sirius frowned.

“Sirius,” James’ tone was warning.

“Okay, okay,” Sirius sighed, “Nothing over the top.”

* * * 

“This was a horrid idea,” James whispered. He was squeezed under his invisibility cloak with Sirius: a very cramped expedition due to the fact that neither boy was very small anymore and both of them were forced to bend over slightly so that the cloak covered their feet.

“We’ve literally been here five minutes, Prongs,” Sirius whispered back, “Quit complaining.”

A fair amount of distance away was the one and only Severus Snape, who was tapping his foot impatiently, too far from James and Sirius to hear their whispered bickering.

“Shh! There’s someone coming,” Sirius whispered unnecessarily, as James wasn’t talking.

Sure enough, Mulciber and Avery came into view. Sirius motioned for them to move closer and James complied, not wanting to fight with his only ally in the presence of three Slytherins (more specifically three Slytherins who probably wouldn’t have minded seeing him gutted).

“You’re late,” Snape snapped.

“By six minutes, yeah?” Avery retorted, “Calm down, Snape.”

“He would probably cut off a finger for every minute you’re late,” Snape hissed back.

Sirius turned to James, eyes wide, mouthed, “Who?” James shook his head, indicating that he didn’t know.

Whoever it was, it seemed to shut Avery up, as he didn’t respond.

“So?” Snape asked, irritated, “Did you get the date?”

Mulciber fumbled around his pocket, pulling out a small piece of parchment, “Here. It arrived a few hours ago.”

“Good,” Snape said, though he didn’t sound particularly pleased, “Now keep your heads down and don’t do anything suspicious. Hexing a mudblood, Mulciber, really? Are you trying to get caught, or are you just really thick?”

Mulciber glared at Snape, not responding. Avery, however did, “You can’t tell us what to do.”

Snape looked repulsed at the sight of Avery, “I _strongly advise_ you to keep your heads down and to not do anything suspicious.”

“Whatever you say... Snivellus,” Avery sneered. Sirius nearly laughed.

“Do you need anything else?” Snape asked coolly, his glare deadly.

Mulciber shook his head, “You’re not coming back to the Common Room with us?”

“Not right now,” Snape said airily, “I’ll be back in a bit.”

Avery muttered something under his breath, which neither James nor Sirius could hear and which Snape chose to ignore. The two Slytherins slipped away in the direction they had come from.

Snape leaned back against the wall.

“Let’s go,” Sirius whispered so quietly that James couldn’t hear him. He moved, thinking James was moving with him, and to James’ horror, he watched as the cloak slipped off Sirius, revealing him completely to a very surprised Severus Snape.

“What--? What are you--? Have you been spying on me?” Snape spluttered. It was dark, but James could tell that his face was turning red.

“Merely overhearing,” James said smoothly, revealing himself. In his defense, he wasn’t going to let Sirius get in trouble all by himself.

“You too?” Snape was seething, “I’m telling McGonagall”

“There won’t be any need to do that,” Filch’s voice was heard first, causing all three boys to jump violently and Sirius to swear loudly, as he appeared. His face was illuminated in the one light that hadn’t been blown out, and his voice was filled with glee “I’ve got you now, haven’t I, Ms. Norris?” James jumped again as he felt something rub against his leg, looking down to see Filch’s cat.

“You’re coming with me, boys,” James honestly couldn’t comprehend how someone could be so excited about punishment.

“Look what you’ve done,” Snape hissed at them.

“You were out of bed, anyway, Snivellus, so shut it,” Sirius snapped.

“I said you’re coming with me,” Filch said gleefully, grabbing James by his arm and pulling him towards what James presumed to be McGonagall’s office. Sirius and Snape reluctantly followed behind.

Sure enough, after a very boring trip to the Defense Against the Dark Arts tower it was made very clear that they were heading to see the Gryffindor Head of House. Once outside her office door, Filch knocked loudly on it.

All four of them heard some rumbling and the sound of something being knocked over, before the door was flung open, revealing a very exhausted, very angry looking McGonagall, “Honestly, what in Merlin’s name is so important at this hour?”

Filch didn’t miss a beat, “Students out of bed, Professor.”

McGonagall turned to the three boys, her angry glare falling on James, “Our resident Head Boy?”

“‘ello, Professor,” James said casually.

“What are you doing out of bed, Potter?” McGonagall raised her eyebrows.

“Well you see, Sirius and I were hungry--”

“They were spying on me,” Snape interrupted James.

“Oh, really?” McGonagall asked, turning on Snape, “Why was there an opportunity for them to spy on you? Correct me if I’m wrong, but you should’ve been in bed as well.” Snape opened his mouth to protest this, but McGonagall cut him off, “I’m not wrong, Severus. Detention for all three of you. Every night for the next two weeks.”

“Professor, I have Head Boy duties--” James protested.

“You should have thought about that before you decided to go on adventures at these forsaken hours of the morning,” McGonagall snapped.

“Professor--”

“Enough, Potter. All of you, please go back to your dormitory,” McGonagall shut the door, leaving them with Filch, who was looking less happy than he had been when he found them.

“Should’ve gotten more than a few weeks detention,” he muttered, glaring at them as if their decided punishment had been their choice.

* * * 

“Detention? You got bloody detention? We. Have. Patrol. Potter,” Lily enunciated each word, her voice a mixture of incredulity and extreme irritation.

“Well I didn’t want to get detention!” James told her.

They were in McGonagall’s classroom, waiting for the Professor to come back. James was sitting, slumped in his seat, and Lily was pacing the room, her arms crossed, stopping every so often to grill James.

“I can’t believe you got detention!” Lily declared, for what seemed like the twentieth time to James.

“Would you really put that below me? I’ve gotten detention loads of times! You should be more surprised that I’ve gotten this far into the year _without_ getting it!” James was very exasperated.

“Yes, but you’re Head Boy now!” Lily matched James’ exasperation.

“I‘ve got no bloody idea why,” James muttered.

“Look,” Lily came over to where he was sitting, putting her hands on the desk and leaning over him, “All you have to do is tell McGonagall how sorry you are and ask her if you can do it another time.”

“You don’t know McGonagall like I do, Lily,” James protested, “She’s not just going to switch my detention. She might if it was, say, the first time I’d ever gotten in trouble, but this is like the eight hundredth time.”

Lily snorted, “I highly doubt you’ve gotten detention that many times.”

“It’s called an exaggeration, Evans,” James informed her, running a hand through his hair.

“Ah-- Ms. Evans,” McGonagall entered the room, nodding at Lily as a hello, then turning to James. She paused, then nodded at him as well and said rather reluctantly, “Mr. Potter.”

“Professor,” both Lily and James said at the same time.

“To what do I owe the pleasure? Did you forget to mention something during our early morning chat, Potter?” McGonagall asked brusquely.

“Look, Professor,” Lily started, launching into an explanation (James supposed she was dropping the whole “tell her how sorry you are” plan and taking matters into her own hands), “You’ve got to move James’ detention to another time. Professor Dumbledore's got us on double patrol duties because of the recent attacks and we need James’ to do his part--”

“I’m sure you’re capable of doing it on your own, Ms. Evans,” McGonagall interrupted her, “However, I would be willing to move James’ detention to another time, with the exception that he serves extra ones.”

“Of course,” Lily said immediately.

James had other thoughts on this matter, “Excuse me! How’s that fair?”

“James!” Lily mouthed at him to shut up.

“If Mr. Potter doesn’t think this fair, then I expect to see him tonight,” McGonagall sat down at her desk, pulling out a stack of papers, “I shall see both of you in class, later, I expect.”

“James,” Lily pleaded, “You can’t miss out on patrol. We’re supposed to switch off so that the prefects don’t have to do four hours at once. And Heads are supposed to do an extra half hour each which means that I would have to do five hours covering for you.”

“I--” James sighed; she looked so desperate, and he really didn’t want to leave her to do all the patrolling by herself. It wasn’t her fault he had gotten detention; she shouldn’t have to pay for it as well, “Professor, I’ll do the alternative detention, if the offer’s still open.”

“Of course, Potter,” McGonagall smiled stiffly, “Ms. Evans, if you’ll just wait outside, James and I can figure out his new detention times.”

“Of course. Yes. Right. Thank you,” Lily stammered, “Thank you.” She turned and exited the classroom, her red hair disappearing.

James sighed, leaning against one of the desks, and mussing up his hair, “Is it possible to love someone too much?” He reflected absentmindedly.

“Probably,” McGonagall informed him curtly, “I wouldn’t worry if I were you, however. Now, what about weekend evenings?”

“I’ve got Quidditch,” James grimaced, as did McGonagall; neither one of them wanted the Gryffindor team to do poorly.

“That won’t do of course...” McGonagall pulled out a piece of parchment, some sort of calendar, James assumed, “Weekend afternoons?”

James groaned inwardly, “For how long?”

“The next six weekends,” McGonagall said bracingly.

This was for Lily; it would make her happy. James took a deep breath, “Okay.”

“I’ll see you later today, Potter,” McGonagall smiled fondly at him, despite her obvious vexation at his actions. As he reached the door, she added on, “And I meant what I said. You shouldn’t worry too much about Ms. Evans.”

James nodded seriously, “Thanks, Professor.”

Upon exiting the classroom, Lily hurtled into him, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her head in his shoulder, “Thankyouthankyouthankyou.”

“You’re-- you’re welcome...?” James stuttered slightly as he hesitantly wrapped his arms around her waist and-- was this happening? He kind of wanted to pinch himself to make sure it was real.

Lily pulled away, looking at him seriously, “Thank you so much. I really, really appreciate it James.”

“Anything for you,” James said jokingly, making a face.

“I’m serious, James,” Lily said. He liked the way she kept saying his name, preferred it actually, to the usual “Potter”.

“Me too,” Jame shrugged, winking at her, “Well, I’m fairly sure we missed lunch.”

“Oh!” Lily exclaimed, “I got you something, since I knew I was making us miss it.” She pulled out a nicely wrapped parcel, presumably a sandwich, and handed it to him.

“Are you an angel?” James asked, unwrapping the parcel.

“Last time I checked, I’m not,” Lily said, considering the question, “But you never know.”

“I think you might be,” James said through a full mouth. He was fairly sure this was the best sandwich he had ever eaten (though who he had gotten it from might have had something to do with it). She grinned at him in response.

Not until the hallway filled with students moving to their next classes, and Lily had bid him goodbye, did he realize how fast his heart was beating.

* * * 

“Where’s Potter?” Snape sneered, “Skipping detention, now? Does he think himself above punishment?”

“Due to Potter’s Head Boy duties, we have worked out different detention times,” McGonagall informed Snape shortly.

“So what’re we doing then?” Sirius drawled, lounging at one of the desks.

“You’re going to be polishing the trophy cabinet, tonight,” McGonagall informed them, “I’ll have another job for you to do tomorrow night.”

Sirius groaned; Snape looked torn between glaring at Sirius or McGonagall.

“Now boys,” McGonagall looked at them seriously, “I know you’ve had your... differences, per say, in the past, but you’re going to have to act civil around each other. I’m sure you have no desire to know what will happen to you if I find out you’ve been cursing each other, in detention, no less. You’re both of age. Behave yourselves.”

“Yes, Professor,” Sirius muttered. Snape said nothing.

“Now go,” McGonagall motioned towards the door, “I will send someone to check in on you in an hour to see how you’ve done.”

“Cheer up, Snivellus,” Sirius smirked as they exited McGonagall’s office, heading towards the trophy room, “It’s only me.”

“Right,” Snape said sarcastically, “A thought to warm my heart.”

“Don’t act like this is my fault,” Sirius snapped back, “It’s not as if you weren’t out anyway.”

“You’re the ones who made the racket,” Snape accused, “Filch never would’ve found me if you two gits hadn’t turned up.”

“We were there before you, actually,” Sirius informed him, “So really, it was you doing the turning up.”

“So you were spying on me, then,” Snape indicted.

“Trust me, Snivellus,” Sirius assured him, “I have much better things to do than spy on you and your lousy friends.”

“Then what were you doing?” Snape challenged. They had reached the trophy room, where two cloths and polish had been deposited.

Sirius picked up his own cloth and some of the polish before responding, “Like I’d tell you. Besides, I could ask you the same thing. It seems we’re at a standstill.”

“It’s none of your business,” Snape mimicked Sirius’ actions, moving to the trophy closest to him.

“Right back atcha, Snivellus,” Sirius started polishing a trophy, “Like I said: a standstill.”

Snape didn’t respond, causing the room to fill with an uncomfortable silence. Snape was seething and Sirius’ reckless polishing suggested that he was close to the same.

After what felt like much longer than an hour, Sirius put down his cloth and sat down.

“What are you doing?” Snape turned around, glaring down at Sirius. Sirius was fairly sure that a glare was permanently etched into Snape’s features.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Sirius retorted.

“You’re supposed to be polishing the trophies,” Snape informed him, turning back to his current trophy.

Sirius didn’t respond to this. He was quiet for a moment, choosing his words carefully, “I think I know what you’re up to Snape. And I’m going to figure it out.”

Snape turned back around, staring at Sirius with hatred, “You never wi--”

“Wrong,” Sirius interrupted, his tone bored, “I will. Save your breath denying it.”

“If I find out you’re snooping around again,” Snape fumed, “I’ll make sure you get a hell of a lot worse than detention, you slimy git.”

“Oh, I’m so frightened,” Sirius said sardonically.

“You should be,” Snape said darkly, “If you had any sort of brains, you would be.”

“You don’t scare me,” Sirius stared at Snape with contempt.

“Sorry to interrupt your little love fest,” Marlene McKinnon entered the trophy room, “but Professor McGonagall told me to tell you that you can go now. And that she’ll see you tomorrow at the same time.”

Snape shoved past Marlene without saying anything else, nearly knocking her over. She steadied herself, then looked at Sirius, concerned, “You alright?”

“Me?” Sirius snorted, “Of course I am. That git is all talk.”

“He sounded really serious,” Marlene still looked concerned.

“Don’t worry,” Sirius reassured her, “I’m gonna figure out what he’s up to.”

“Be careful,” Marlene followed Sirius hesitantly out of the trophy room and back up to the Gryffindor Common Room, which was empty save a few students writing last minute essays.

“‘m going to bed,” Sirius told her, eager to get to his room. He wanted to look at the Marauder’s Map and see if Snape was going back to the Slytherin Common Room or going on another night time adventure.

“Night, Sirius,” Marlene smiled at him, “And I mean what I said. Be careful, okay? Snape doesn’t... Lily isn’t there anymore to stop him from doing something wrong. He’s... unrestrained.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Sirius said, simply in an effort to reassure her.

He slipped into his dormitory to find Peter, struggling with his Potions homework, “Is Moony at Prefect’s duty?”

“Yup,” Peter responded sullenly. He frowned at his homework, “So is James.”

“Right,” Sirius flopped onto his bed, pulling out the map, “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”

It took him a short amount of time to find Snape. To Sirius’ disappointment, the small dot of Severus Snape was residing in the Slytherin Common Room, pacing back and forth. After watching the dot for ten minutes, with no results, Sirius concluded that Snape was playing it safe.

He and James had wracked their brains, trying to figure out what Snape was up to, but they had come up with nothing. They were fairly sure that Snape was involved with the Death Eaters in some way, shape, or form, but they had no idea what the interaction with Mulciber and Avery had been about. James had seen fit to give up on it. Sirius, however, was determined to find out.

He closed the map, resolving to stay up and wait for Remus or James to do his homework with, but he leaned back to close his eyes for a second or two, only to wake up very much later. The room was completely dark and Sirius could make out the loud snores of Peter and Frank, and the quieter ones of Remus and James. Kicking off his shoes and climbing under his covers, he fell asleep quickly. He dreamed that Snape was chasing him on a giant snake, and then Snape became the snake and he was screaming in a snake-ish sort of hiss about Death Eaters and murder and he kept repeating the same thing over and over again: be afraid.

When Sirius woke up next, with a start, it was morning.

 

_The Fifth Floor Corridor, several hours previously_

“Oi! Potter,” Lily came up behind James, who was currently patrolling on the fifth floor (a very boring thing to do), “I’ve come to relieve you.”

“My hero,” James said dramatically.

“Have you encountered anything particularly dangerous?” Lily joked.

“Only a crying second year and snogging couple,” James smirked, “Nothing I can’t deal with. In fact, I suggested the broom cupboard on the third floor to the couple. Pretty sure that’s where Remus is patrolling.”

“How thoughtful of you,” Lily said sarcastically, but she was smiling slightly, “Well you can go now, if you’d like. I’m sure you have better things to do.”

“Me? Better things to do than patrolling? I never--” he paused, narrowing his eyes, “Are you trying to get rid of me?”

“Of course not!” Lily laughed.

“Good,” James nodded his head to reinforce this, “Otherwise I might have to go and cry with that second year.”

Lily’s eyes widened, “You left the poor second year there?”

“Of course not,” James found her concern endearing, “I kindly escorted him to the Infirmary.”

“So kindly of you,” Lily teased.

“That was an improper use of the word ‘kindly’, Ms. Evans,” James smirked, “You of all people should know that.”

“Shut it, Potter,” Lily retorted, “That’s irrelevant.”

“Oh no,” James said somberly, “I’m going to go back to my dormitory and cry now.”

“And why’s that?” Lily inquired.

“My title’s been denounced. Earlier today it was James, but now I’m back to ‘Potter’.”

“Well you’ve got to earn it,” Lily said, as if this was the most obvious thing in the world, “I’m not going to just call you by your first name for nothing.”

“And how exactly would you like me to earn that?” James smirked again and-- was he flirting with Lily Evans? Sirius wasn’t going to believe this. Well, rather, he might believe the fact that James was flirting with Lily, however the thing he would find difficult to believe would be the fact that the flirting was being reciprocated.

“Figure it out,” Lily said simply.

“That’s not very much to go on,” James pouted.

“Oh well,” Lily shrugged, “Now run along. I have patrol duty to do.”

“You are trying to get rid me of!” James implicated, pretending to be offended.

“Do you want to stay?” Lily asked, humoring him.

“Maybe I do,” James said stubbornly.

“Might I ask why?” Lily let out a small laugh.

“Because,” James said reasonably, as if this was a proper response.

“Really persuasive, you are,” Lily said sarcastically.

“Because I want to,” James attempted again.

“Suit yourself,” Lily shrugged, “But, you know, we actually have to patrol.”

“I’m aware of that,” James said. He began to walk down the hall, slowly, so Lily joined him, “In fact, I’ve already been doing it for many hours.”

“That sounds like a complaint,” Lily pointed out, “You don’t have to keep doing it, you know.”

“I swear, you are very persistent at getting rid of me,” James sighed loudly.

“I’m not trying to get rid of you,” Lily stated.

“Mmm hmm,” James made a sad face.

“I’m serious!” Lily exclaimed, “I’m simply stating your options for you. Very kindly of me, I might add.”

“You used kindly incorrectly again,” James told her, he turned to look at her, “Are you making fun of me?”

“Friendly teasing,” Lily corrected.

“So we’re friends then?” James stopped walking, causing Lily to do so as well. He looked down at her with a slight smile on his face.

Lily looked like she was thinking about it, “I suppose so, yes.”

James’ smile turned into a grin, “Good.” He began walking again.

“Good?”

“Well up to this point you’ve possessed a strong disliking for me, so...” James explained.

“Fair enough,” Lily agreed.

They continued walking; James was surprised how well they got along. He was also surprised to find that Lily’s sense of humor was rather similar to his (and the rest of the Marauders). She laughed at his jokes (the ones that weren’t horrid and didn’t involve ill-literate Ravenclaws) and they talked about a variety of different things, nothing important that James noted, but the conversation flowed and the silent parts weren’t awkward or unbearable.

Therefore, James was rather enjoying his extended patrolling, up to the point where Lily decided to ask, “So what exactly did you get detention for, anyway?”

“Well,” James said rather guiltily, “Um. Sirius and I were, er, wandering the castle at night, as Filch prefers to put it.”

“Why?” Lily asked, not missing a beat.

“You’re going to be angry,” James said.

“Why would I be angry?” Lily asked, “Come on, just tell me.”

“WewerefollowingSnape,” James said very quickly, in one breath--

“What?” --perhaps too quickly for one to understand. Lily was smiling at James in slightly amused way.

“We were, um, following Snape,” James said, more slowly this time.

“Why?” her smile slipped.

“Well Sirius had--” wait no, he wasn’t going to throw Sirius under the bus here, “Sirius and I had a thought.”

“Did you?” Lily asked, in a half curious-half defensive sort of way, “And what was that thought?”

“That he was Death Eater,” James blurted out. It was better to be done with it then draw it out, he supposed.

“I know you hate him James,” Lily started, trying to sound reasonable, “But that’s a bit ridiculous, don’t you think?”

“Not really,” James responded. He had the vague feeling that he was putting his foot in his mouth, but he thought that maybe if he could explain it to her, it wouldn’t sound so ridiculous, “I mean, he hangs around Avery and Mulciber, and they’ve always had something to do with it. We just sort of thought that, since now, you know, you’re not friends with him anymore, he might have joined the group.”

Lily remained silent for a long enough that James decided to add, “Do you, you know, know if he is? If he is one?” Apparently, this wasn’t the right thing to say.

Lily stopped walking, “You think I would know that sort of thing?”

“Well, you were best mates for a really long time,” James pointed out.

“Yes but he would never have told me that sort of thing!” Lily defended, “And Sev isn’t-- he’s not that evil. I know he called me a mudblood but he was trying to think of something that would hurt me because he was upset because-- because of you!”

“You’re blaming me?” James was incredulous, “How was that my fault?”

“Are you joking with me? Jesus Christ--” Lily’s voice was rising, “You’re the one who went and provoked him! You’re the one who always provoked him! You think he just went about calling me a mudblood? He was upset and embarrassed and lashing out, because of you!”

“Then why are you talking to me right now?” James felt very defeated, “Why’re you suddenly buddying up to me? Why aren’t you back with your best mate, Sev? Why didn’t you forgive him?”

“Because--” Lily said angrily, “James, I’m not saying what Sev did was right! I’m not saying that he should be forgiven for calling me a mudblood! But you can’t expect me to think he did it without reason. You’d been bullying him again and it pushed him over the edge.”

“I can’t believe you’re blaming this on me,” James shook his head, “You’ll always chose him over me, won’t you? You’re always going to think of him as better than me, even though I’d never, ever, have called you something like-- like that!”

“So that’s it?” Lily asked, “You’re jealous? Jesus Christ, James, how can you be jealous of a relationship that I don’t even have anymore.”

“Exactly,” James jumped on this, “You’re not even friends anymore! So then why are you choosing him over me?”

“I’m not choosing him over you!” Lily exclaimed.

“You’re defending him!” James accused.

“Because he’s not entirely in the wrong,” Lily said.

“How can you say that? He-- he called you a mudblood, for Merlin’s sake!” James nearly shouted.

“Have you not heard a thing I’ve just said?” Lily asked loudly.

“Of course I have,” James said coolly, “I’ve just don’t think a bloody word of it is true.”

“You should go, James,” Lily said quietly. He didn’t know if ‘Potter’, or ‘James’ would’ve been worse, but somehow, ‘James’ felt a hell of a lot more intimate, and given the situation, he didn’t like that very much.

“This isn’t fair,” James said angrily, “I told you that you would be angry and you went ahead and asked me anyway.”

“I didn’t think it would’ve been something like this. I thought it would’ve been one of your other ridiculous pranks--”

“Is that all you think of me?” James cut her off, he kind of felt like crying. He would’ve taken thousands of their old arguments over this one. This one was far worse. This one felt real, “I’m just-- some-- some ridiculous prankster, can’t take anything seriously, all I do is get in trouble.”

“That’s not--”

“Oh, right, I forgot to add arrogant, bullying, good for nothing prick,” James interrupted her again.

“Please leave,” Lily said coldly.

“Why?” James said, just as coldly, “Do you not like hearing your own words thrown around? Because I’m pretty sure you’ve called me all of those things before. They sound less like a brilliant comeback the second time around. More just, I don’t know, cold-hearted.”

“Just go, Potter,” Lily exclaimed, “You’re being dramatic--”

“I’m being dramatic?” James interrupted.

“Yes you’re being dramatic and selfish and close minded!” Lily yelled, “All you’re thinking about is yourself. Poor bloody you that I chose my old best friend over someone who’s purposefully tried to irritate me for years! Don’t give a single thought about how I felt when my best bloody mate called me a mudblood in front of loads of people! Who bloody cares how I felt having to cut off a friendship I’d had since I was nine because some part of myself knew that it was the right thing to do? How dare I get angry that you refuse to take responsibility for your actions?”

“I fucking told him to take it back!” James yelled back.

“How noble of you, James, really,” Lily said sarcastically, “Excuse my manners. I should be thanking you for all the times you’ve come to my rescue. I’m not some bloody damsel in distress, you know. I don’t need you to come swooping in every time I’m upset.”

“Yeah?” James asked angrily, “Fine. Suit yourself. I’m leaving.”

“Good,” Lily snapped.

James turned, forcing himself to walk away, messing up his hair because he knew it annoyed her, and then walking with his usual gait. He forced himself to not turn around, because he could feel hot tears on his face and bloody fucking hell this was not okay.


	6. Somber, Studious, and Annoying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius needs new friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyyyy!  
> you don't have to murder us! hooray!  
> here's chapter five i'm sorry we're such terrible people and that we don't have enough control over our lives to update every week but please enjoy this chapter so much that you'll forgive us.  
> without further ado--  
> z&j

_Boy’s Dormitory, September twenty seventh, 1977_

Sirius had gotten up early. His restless night, as result of his weird, mutated nightmares, left him slightly grumpy, and he was in no mood for the amount of time James was taking to get ready. Remus and Peter had already exited the dormitory, both claiming starvation as they left Sirius and James behind. In fact, Sirius was sure, everyone had already made their way down to the Great Hall for breakfast. Sirius tapped his foot impatiently, wondering what exactly was holding James up.

“Come on,” Sirius whined, “What’s taking you so long?” He was leaning against his bedpost, watching James fumble with his laces.

“Sorry, ‘m almost ready,” James mumbled, not looking up from his shoes.

It was about that point that Sirius realized James was not acting entirely James-like, and he frowned slightly, “You alright, Prongs?”

He received a nod in response.

Sirius sighed loudly, understanding dawning on him. This was so completely James-- something Sirius had never understood but learned to grow used to. Whenever something significant got James upset, he flat out refused to talk about it, opting to wait, much too long in Sirius’ opinion, to discuss it with any of his friends. It was something that bugged Sirius immensely-- if James couldn’t confide in his best friend, of all people, then what was the point of the whole ‘here for you, no matter what’ thing?

Sirius had also learned that by giving James time and space that he would tell you what was wrong, it was just the time thing that got to Sirius. He was never in the mood for waiting.

“Why can’t you just tell me what’s wrong?” Sirius questioned, trying not to sound too frustrated just yet.

“Nothing’s wrong,” James stood up, gave Sirius a lame attempt at a smile, and moved towards the door, “Shall we?”

“You’re horrid at pretending, you know that?” Sirius informed him, resolving to not move until James would talk.

“C’mon, Padfoot, I’m starving,” James urged. He smiled wider, but Sirius saw right through it, “Nothing’s wrong, see? It’s all good in James Town.”

“What the bloody hell is James Town?” Sirius snorted, crossing his arms.

“It’s a city in Virginia,” Remus informed them as he entered the dormitory with Peter close behind him, “And what’s taking you both so long? We were waiting in the Common Room.”

“I thought you had headed down already. And Virginia?” Sirius looked at Remus, almost concerned. James frowned slightly.

“You know, over in North America?” Remus looked at his friends as if this was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Remus, we’re obviously all very intelligent people here, but why in Merlin’s beard do you know about the names of cities in North America?” Sirius retorted.

“That’s not what James Town is anyway,” James told his friends, “James Town is me. I am James Town.”

“Are you high?” Sirius turned to James. His empty stomach made a neglected noise, but he kept his gaze on James, unflinching.

James stuck out his tongue at Sirius.

“He’s not high, you idiot,” Remus walked over to Sirius, smacking him over the back of his head, “He’s just upset.”

“Aha!” Sirius exclaimed, “I knew it! So it’s not all good in James Town.”

“What the bloody hell are you too going on about with this whole James Town thing?” Peter asked. He flopped onto his bed, “I’m hungry. And besides, Padfoot, anyone could see that James is upset.”

“Then why am I the only one trying to do something about it?” Sirius challenged. This seemed like a very reasonable question to him.

“Because you’re the only who isn’t patient enough to let James come around,” Peter shot back.

“Piss off,” Sirius made a face at Peter. Peter rolled his eyes and sighed loudly.

“Why are we talking about me like I’m not in the room?” James inserted.

“Well, I wouldn’t say ‘we’, I mean are you part of this conversation?”

“Sirius,” James was glaring at him, looking fairly annoyed.

“Alright, alright, we’ll stop,” Sirius walked over to where James was standing and placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder, “Just tell me what’s wrong, yeah?”

“There isn’t anything wrong!” James burst out.

“Yes there is,” Remus dismissed James’ protests, “Look, we’re your best mates, Prongs. We know when something’s up. But you don’t have to talk about it right now if you don’t want to.”

“Yes he does!” Sirius disagreed, turning to scowl at Remus.

“No I don’t!” James objected.

“So you admit there is something wrong?” Sirius removed his hand from James’ shoulder, satisfied.

“That’s not what--”

“Both of you shut it,” Remus interrupted. He turned to James, “You don’t have to, alright?”

“I’m really missing out on what you seemingly think to be flawless logic here, Moony,” Sirius quipped, “Because if you ask me, it makes a hell of a lot more sense to just talk about it now and get over it than to be upset about it for the rest of the week.”

“It’s Thursday,” Peter pointed out, “That’s only three more days.”

“Is that really necessary, Wormtail?” Sirius asked, annoyed.

“I was just saying,” Peter defended himself, “Can we go get breakfast?”

“That’s an excellent idea, Wormtail” James said, jumping on an escape from the current conversation, Peter beamed at the praise, “Let’s go.”

“James...” Sirius looked back to his best friend, feeling defeated, “I just want to help you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” James said, his casual tone sounding forced, “It’s okay. Let’s go get some food, yeah?”

Sirius made to protest but Remus caught his eye, giving him a look that effectively said ‘leave it’, so Sirius sighed dramatically and nodded to James, “Lead the way.”

* * * 

Sirius’ worrying was pushed out of his mind later that day, upon entering the library to make an attempt at studying, when he caught sight of the one and only Severus Snape, talking quietly to Avery and Mulciber at a table on the far side of the library. Sirius casually moved closer to where Snape was sitting, thankful that they didn’t notice him, and he sat down, his back towards the group, at a table as close to them as he was willing to risk.

“Avery, you’re being completely impulsive,” Snape was reprimanding his friend, something, Sirius noted, that he seemed to do a lot, “Wait for his signal, he’s not going to want you if you don’t think through your decisions.”

Sirius leaned his chair back, trying to hear them better, as Avery responded angrily, “You think you’re so bloody great, don’t you Snape? Just because he praised your intellectual ability once--”

“Wow, intellectual, what a big, impressive word for you, Avery,” Snape interrupted.

“Piss off Snape, you’re no better than me or Mulciber--”

“Mulciber or I,” Snape said, once again cutting Avery off.

“What?”

“Grammar, Avery, ever heard of it?” Snape’s voice was challenging almost-- daring Avery to disagree with him.

“I’m leaving,” Avery announced. Sirius heard a chair being pushed back.

“And I suppose you are, as well?” Snape drawled, Sirius guessed this comment was directed at Mulciber.

“I’ll see you later, Snape,” Mulciber said coolly. Sirius looked the other direction as Avery and Mulciber passed by him, grumbling to each other inaudibly, but obviously angrily.

Sirius decided to pull out his history book; he might as well look like he was doing something. He didn’t hear Snape getting up and walking over to Sirius’ own table.

“Spying on me, are you?” Snape asked coldly.

Sirius barked out a harsh laugh, “Hardly think you’re interesting enough for that, don’t you agree?”

“You said you’d figure out what I was up to, Black,” Snape snapped, “Hardly think you’re below snooping around, don’t you agree?”

“Don’t you have better things to do than interrogating me?” Sirius inspected his nails, forcing himself to relax and give off the careless persona that annoyed Snape so much.

“Stay out of my business,” Snape demanded, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, yeah, sure Snivellus, whatever you request,” Sirius rolled his eyes up at Snape, “I would never want to upset you.”

Snape glared at him icily, before stalking out of the library; Sirius watched  as Snape left, keeping his head down and ignoring everyone surrounding him. When he finally reached the library entrance, disappearing into the corridor, Sirius’ mood lightened considerably.

* * * 

Friday wasn’t exciting. In fact all it brought was a continuously somber James, a predictably studious Remus, and an increasingly annoying Peter. Sirius, really, was in no mood for any of these specific things, and his mind was stuck on the mysterious behavior of Snape. His need to figure out what the Slytherin was up to was growing and he spent a considerable amount of thought on the topic, bringing it up once or twice to his friends. Remus dismissed the idea as silly; there was no way Snape could be that evil, no matter how much Sirius hated him. James stiffly changed the subject, something Sirius found very suspicious, but when he attempted to question James, he received a kick under the table from Remus. Apparently this was part of the whole ‘letting James come around on his own’ thing. Peter kept asking for help on his potions essay.

The weekend was, possibly, even worse. It rained relentlessly, so that any student who went outside without a water repelling spell or some form of protection was soaked within seconds. Quidditch practice was cancelled; James was sulking and anyways, nobody wanted to go out in the shit weather. Sirius was restless though. He found himself seeking solace in the library, a fact that disturbed him greatly when he really thought about it. He was hoping Snape would turn up again, but he didn’t show his face there, at least not when Sirius did. Instead, Sirius did his homework to pass the time, keeping the Map open and looking at it every once in a while to find Snape’s dot.

To Sirius’ annoyance, Snape went about entirely normal routines. He was often in the Slytherin Common Room, pacing or not moving, and when he wasn’t there, his dot showed him in the Great Hall or other completely normal, unsuspicious parts of the school. It was frustrating, really, that Sirius could find nothing wrong with Snape’s movements; it gave him absolutely no lead on catching Snape in whatever awful thing he was really involved in.

Alarmingly, Sirius finished his homework early Sunday morning. Having spent his entire weekend in the library, he had completed everything he’d needed to do, and he spent at least five minutes questioning his sanity because really this was completely opposite of his normal routine. Then he was left with the task of figuring out what to do with the rest of his day. It was still raining, and he felt his stomach grumble, so he went looking for his friends. He found them in the Common Room; Remus was slouched in a chair with a book in his hands, James was staring absentmindedly into the fire, an ignored Quidditch strategies book resting open in his lap.

Peter was frowning at a blank piece of parchment. He looked at Sirius hopefully as Sirius sat down next to James, “Padfoot, have you done the potions essay yet?”

“Yeah, it’s in my bag, you can copy it, but change the words a bit. Slughorn will notice if  it’s the same, ” Sirius responded airily, turning to James, “We should talk.”

“Would it make a difference if I said that I really didn’t want to?” James sighed, looking beaten.

“What? Oh, right,” Sirius frowned, “Look, like Remus said, we’re not going to force it out of you. Anyway it wasn’t about that. This is about Snivellus.”

“Sirius, c’mon, we’ve already discussed this,” James sighed again. Sirius wished he would stop sighing.

“No, I mean, we’re almost certain he’s a Death Eater, yeah?” Sirius pushed, “We just need proof. We’ve got to figure out how to prove it.”

“How are you certain, if you don’t have any proof?” Remus chimed in.

“It’s obvious,” Sirius said, exasperated. How could Remus not see it?

“I’m sorry, Padfoot,” James said, “Look, I hate Snape as much as you do, but it’s not worth it. There’s no way to prove it, he wouldn’t be so careless. Honestly, if he really is a Death Eater, don’t you think he would take all precautions against people finding out?”

“But, Prongs--” Sirius protested.

“Drop it, Padfoot,” James cut him off seriously, “We shouldn’t waste our time on him.” James stood up, fueled by an unexpected burst of energy, “Let’s go get food, yeah? I think it’s lunch time.” The smile on his face was almost convincing.

As they entered the Great Hall, which was already filled with eating students, Sirius’ eyes fell on Snape, who was sitting sullenly, not speaking to either of his accomplices. Lunch was quiet and uneventful. Sirius had half a mind to blow something up, just to cause some sort of noise-- the quietness of his friends was freaking him out.

As they exited the Great Hall, Sirius once again caught sight of Snape leaving as well, although this time he was conversing in low voices with Avery and Mulciber.

Sirius’ heart rate immediately sped up and he slowed down his pace, causing James, who was explaining something to Peter, to walk right into him.

“Sirius what--”

“Shh!” Sirius hushed his friends.

As Snape walked past them, he said loudly, “It’s very important, Avery, I’ve got to send it tonight.”

“Are you sure it’s safe?” Mulciber interjected, surprising Sirius with the amount of concern behind his question.

“Yes, yes,” Snape reassured them. He pushed his greasy hair behind his ears,“I’ve got detention with that blasted Black but I’ll sneak up to the owlery later tonight and send it. Midnight-- once everyone’s asleep. I’ve got to send it tonight. It’s about you-know-what.”

As the Slytherins moved out of earshot, Sirius turned to his friends, excitedly, “Did you guys hear that? This is it, we can get the proof we need!” His mind was already racing. He would follow Snape up to the owlery... corner him... somehow get the letter and see what it read...

“I dunno Padfoot...” Remus said hesitantly, “I don’t think you should follow him. Something feels wrong.”

“Are you crazy?” Sirius couldn’t believe what Remus was saying, “Did you not hear what he just said? I’ve got to find out what he’s sending?”

“Sirius,” James looked concerned, “What are you planning to even do once you follow him? Make him hand over the letter by hexing him?”

“I don’t know,” Sirius brushed James off, “It doesn’t matter, I’ll figure it out.”

“I just don’t think...” James trailed off.

“Are you lot crazy?” Sirius was shocked, “C’mon, Prongs, how are you not backing me up here? You agreed with me! You thought he might be a Death Eater too!”

James frowned, pursing his lips in thought as he chose his words carefully, “Sirius... I just don’t think this is the way to find proof that Snape’s a Death Eater. We’re not going to be able to read the letter, there’s no way Snape would let us. And we’re already both in trouble for being out after dark. What if we get caught?”

Sirius very nearly stomped his foot like a small child, “How can you say that? When have you ever cared about getting in trouble before?”

“I’m supposed to be good this year,” James protested, “I’m the bloody Head Boy. Shouldn’t I care just a little bit more, at least?”

“This is about impressing Evans, isn’t it?” Sirius huffed. He said it more out of annoyance than of malice, but James’ expression turned stoney, immediately.

“I’ll be on the Quidditch Pitch if you need me. I think it stopped raining.” James said quietly, leaving without another word.

“That was low, Sirius,” Remus reprimanded, watching James walk away.

“I-- I didn’t mean it like-- like that!” Sirius tried to explain. This was going all wrong; he was just trying to make James understand.

“Just go apologize,” Remus advised, “And drop this whole Snape thing. It’s not worth it. We’re seventh years, we shouldn’t care about some rivalry anymore.”

“You don’t understand,” Sirius accused, “This isn’t about a rivalry. Snape’s a Death Eater, Moony, and I won’t refrain from saying ‘I told you so’ when you realize that it’s true.”

Remus tried to not roll his eyes, opting to ignore Sirius’ response, “Just go talk to James, yeah?”

“Okay, okay, I’m going,” Sirius sighed, turning to follow James’ path to the Quidditch Pitch.

* * * 

James felt like shit. He was having a bad week, simple as that, starting with bloody fucking Evans. Then, of course Sirius had to go effectively rub salt in the wound, though James wasn’t being entirely fair there, seeing he hadn’t clued Sirius in on the wound aspect of the whole thing.

Still.

“It didn’t stop raining,” Sirius said as he sat down next to James. He was right. James’ cloths and hair were already damp from the rain. He found he didn’t really care.

He laughed slightly, anyway, “I noticed.”

“I’m sorry,” Sirius said quietly, “I didn’t mean it like that, Prongs, I’m just trying to figure out what’s up with you.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” James mumbled, looking down at his palms.

“You’ll feel better, I promise,” Sirius smiled bracingly at James, who had turned his face to look at Sirius.

“I got in a row with Lily,” James admitted after a moment, “But it wasn’t-- it wasn’t like our other rows, you know? Those were... arguments-- bickering, yeah? This was-- I dunno. It meant something.”

“Why?” Sirius asked simply. He was getting wet from the rain as well.

“Because she had started to change the way she thought about me, she was starting to forgive me,” James sounded defeated, “And then I went and fucked it all up. And you wanna know how?”

Sirius frowned at James’ self deprecating remark, but he asked anyway, “How?”

“I asked her about Snivellus being bloody Death Eater.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m so sorry, Prongs, this is all my fault,” Sirius said, instantly feeling guilty, “I shouldn’t have even put the idea in your head, I should’ve just kept it to myself.”

“You never would’ve been able to do that,” James tried to joke.

“Yeah, but I could’ve tried,” Sirius argued.

“It’s not your fault Padfoot,” James reassured him, pushing his wet hair out of his eyes, “I shouldn’t have said anything to her. It was completely stupid of me to do.”

“We all make mistakes, she’ll come around,” Sirius consoled. He fiddled with his fingers. He wasn’t very good at the whole comforting thing, he decided.

“You think so?” James asked, looking at Sirius hopefully.

“Just apologize to her, it can’t be that awful,” Sirius suggested. He shivered, but refrained from complaining about the rain. There were more important things at hand.

“I just hate this. I mean, like, loving her so much. It feels like I can’t think of anything but her and that all my actions revolve around her and I hate that. I want to exist outside of loving Evans, you know?” James’ voice was quiet, and he was staring at his palms again.

“You do, really, you’re just a little stuck on her right now,” Sirius insisted.

“What’s happening to us? We’re all boring now. We haven’t even pulled a prank since the beginning of the year,” James asked.

“Maybe we’re doing that growing up shit we were warned about,” Sirius said.

“I don’t like it,” James concluded.

“Me neither.”

They sat there, in silence, for a few more minutes, James studying his hands, Sirius watching the rain fall.

“Are you really gonna follow Snape tonight?” James asked eventually.

“Yeah, I’ll probably tell Moony that I’m not though, we don’t want him growing grey hairs already, do we?” Sirius chuckled, “Will you come with me?”

“I can’t. I have patrol duties,” James said, bluntly.

“Have you seen Evans at all?” Sirius asked, hesitantly-- it was clearly a touchy subject for James.

“Just when we’re switching off patrols. She doesn’t say anything to me,” James said sadly, “There’s a meeting though tomorrow night for all the prefects and we’re supposed to lead it. I guess she’ll have to talk to me there.”

“Try not to think about it, yeah? Whatever happens will happen,” Sirius advised, “Focus on... I don’t know... how about coming up with a new prank instead.”

James smiled at Sirius’ attempts to make him feel better, “I’ll do my best.”

“You wanna go in? We’re getting soaked,” Sirius stood up, holding out a hand for James. James took it and Sirius pulled him up.

* * * 

“Sirius, please please please don’t go,” Remus said as soon as James and Sirius entered the Common Room. Both were soaked, but Remus pulled them over to the fireplace, looking around once to make sure no one would overhear them, before he launched into explanation, “I’ve been thinking about it, and I know now why something felt off. It’s a trick, Padfoot, he’s gonna get you there and he won’t show up and you’ll get in trouble.”

“He would never come up with that elaborate of a plan,” Sirius argued, he took out his wand, performing a simple drying spell on himself first and then turning to James and doing the same. James nodded in thanks.

“Don’t be stupid mate,” Remus responded, “He may be a slimy git but he’s not dull. He’d definitely come up with something like that.”

“Would it make you feel better if I told you I wasn’t going?” Sirius asked.

“Would you be telling the truth?”

“Probably not.”

“Then only a little bit,” Remus turned back to his book, “I really don’t think you should go Padfoot.”

“I’m going, and you’re not stopping me,” Sirius huffed, “Now I’m heading to the library. To do homework.”

“You don’t have homework,” Peter pointed out, “You were complaining at lunch about having _finished_ your homework.”

“Fine. To wreck havoc,” Sirius glared at Peter, causing Peter to wilt slightly. With that, he turned and stalked away to the library.

“We really should stop him,” Remus said, almost desperately, “He’s going to get in trouble. It’s pretty much inevitable.”

“He'll be fine” James reassured him, “The worst that can happen is he gets more detention. And Sirius knows perfectly well how to handle detention.”

“But something could still go wrong,” Remus argued, “Sirius can be rash, he might do something stupid. Isn’t there anything we can do?”

“We could put a sleeping draught in his pumpkin juice at dinner and tie him up until tomorrow morning,” James suggested.

“Got anything that doesn’t include drugging Sirius?” Remus asked.

James pretended to think about it, “Nothing.”

“I can’t believe you’re letting him go through with this,” Remus accused.

“Hey-- you’re letting him just as much as I am, I’ve just made peace with it more than you have,” James said reasonably. Remus rolled his eyes.

* * *

It had been a long day for James, and by nine he was desperately wanting to go straight to bed and simply skip patrol duties, but he couldn’t bring himself to make Lily do a whole five hours of patrol. He wasn’t going to be cruel. It was almost time for him to leave, so he grabbed his wand and trudged up to the fifth floor. Lily was there, as usual, and he suffered through the routine awkward moment where Lily refused to look at him and James opened his mouth multiple times to say something-- but never did.

James finished his patrol at midnight, and by then his bed was sounding like the most appealing thing in the entirety of Hogwarts-- the entirety of London, even. Yet-- there was still a potions essay to write, and he remembered quite a lot of charms homework stuffed in his bag and-- he sighed, changing his course to head for the library. His steps slowed as he entered, attempting to keep quiet as to avoid causing Madame Pince discontent.

Sitting down at a table close to the library entrance, James pulled out his essay and began to scratch down a title. It was tedious. James knew it all, but it took time, and after a while James’ eyes began to droop. His head was falling slightly forward every so often, jerking him back awake. He looked down at his essay, sighing to see that it was barely halfway done. He looked around him, offering up a small, apologetic smile to Madame Pince, who was eying him angrily, probably hoping to catch some sleep of her own.

James began to write again, only stopping when he heard an all too familiar voice. His heart dropped.

“Hi, Madame Pince,” her voice was soft and quiet, laced with exhaustion, but still managing to sound cheery. He tried not to remember talking to her during Potions, when she had admitted that he wasn’t so bad. Her voice had been soft then too. Maybe her voice was always soft when she wasn’t yelling at him, “How are you?”

“Good evening, Ms. Evans,” Madame Pince said briskly, “I hope you won’t be too long, it’s getting late.” James grimaced. It was probably past one in the morning.

“Yes, sorry, I’ve was on patrol duties earlier so I got a late start on my homework. I just have an essay to finish,” James looked up at Lily as she pushed a few stray hairs behind her ear, “If you want, you can leave, I promise I’ll be good.”

“I trust that you would, Ms. Evans,” Madame Pince sighed loudly, nodding towards James, “But there’s another student here, still.”

Lily turned to look where Madame Pince had nodded, her eyes falling on James, her expression turning into something James couldn’t read but immediately didn’t like, “Oh-- I-- I just remembered, I forgot something umm-- I’m sorry to disturb you Madame Pince, I’ll just be going--”

“It’s okay, Evans,” James rolled up his essay, stuffing it into his bag, closing the lid on his ink jar and adding that, with is quill, into his bag as well, “I was just leaving. The library is all yours.”

He failed miraculously at keeping the bitterness out of his voice, causing Lily’s face to flash with hurt (though James couldn’t possibly understand why she would care if James was angry with her or not-- it was the other way around). He shouldered his bag and pushed past her, leaving her without another word.

 

_The Boy’s Dormitory, several hours previously_

Sirius was growing impatient. Where the bloody hell was James? It was already late, Sirius himself had already returned from detention, and James’ patrol should’ve ended about ten minutes ago-- quite enough time for James to return to the dormitory, if you asked Sirius. It wasn’t that Sirius was even waiting for James, it was only that, for reasons unbeknownst to Sirius, James had brought the bloody invisibility cloak with him. At least he had the Marauder’s Map.

Sirius anxiously checked the time again. It was past midnight. He might have already missed Snape. Deciding to take the risk, he headed out of the dormitory, crossing the empty Common Room and exiting through the portal quietly. He was thankful that Remus had already fallen asleep, for he had been pestering Sirius all night about following Snape, and Sirius really didn’t feel like getting in another argument with Remus about it.

With the Map in hand, his wand lit at the tip slightly, Sirius silently crept through the corridor and up to the owlery. To his disappointment, when he got there, the room was empty, save the ever present owls. He checked the map, frowning-- it clearly stated that Snape was in the owlery, his tiny dot sitting in place just across the room from where Sirius’ own dot was labeled. Frustrated, Sirius cast his light across the room. Nothing. He lowered his wand. Where the bloody hell was Snape? He slowly made his way across the Owlery, knocking over something-- Sirius couldn’t see what-- that made a crash and caused several owls to hoot loudly in disapprovement. Sirius swore. So much for going unnoticed.

Once the owls had quieted down, he began to moved across the room again, this time shining his light in front of his feet to make sure he didn’t step on or kick anything else. He looked down at the map. The dot labeled Snape placed Snape only a few feet away from Sirius. Sirius looked in front of himself, confused. The map never lied, Snape had to be standing right there.

He was only left to ponder this, however, for a few seconds, because he heard footsteps coming up the stairs to the owlery and his heart lurched so violently in his chest that Sirius was surprised he hadn’t dropped dead right there. Frantically, Sirius looked down at the Map again, his eyes falling on the dot labeled Argus Filch.

“Mischief Managed. Nox,” Sirius put his light out and silently commanded the map closed. He then stuffed the map in his pocket and tightened his grip on his wand, trying to breath normally. There was no escape; Filch was already on the owlery stairs, the only entrance to the owlery, and there was no way Sirius could slip around him without being noticed. His best option was to hide as far away from the entrance as possible, hoping Filch wouldn’t go snooping. The likelihood of this was slim to nothing.

He held his breath as Filch entered the room carrying, to Sirius’ dismay, a lantern.

“I know you’re in here,” Filch breathed. Sirius would’ve laughed at how ridiculous it sounded, if he hadn’t been so worried about not being found, “Someone told me, I know you’re in here, Black, show yourself. You and your slimy little friends are in for it this time. I have a lantern, I’ll find you.”

Sirius knew he was done for-- there was no way Filch was leaving-- and he barely had time to reflect on why Filch knew Sirius was there before Filch was rounding the corner and his beady eyes were falling on Sirius. He grinned wickedly, “Got you.”

“Merlin's beard, you’re creepy. You know that?” Sirius snapped.

“What are you doing out of bed?” Filch asked gleefully, ignoring Sirius’ comment, “And the second time this week I might add.”

“Sending a letter to my dear old mum,” Sirius snarked. Somewhere in the back of his mind he had the thought to hold his tongue, but at this point, he was already in trouble so he found himself caring less and less.

“Turn out your pockets,” Filch commanded.

“No-- why?” Sirius responded immediately. He wasn’t giving Filch the map; he would never let Filch take the map. Filch held the lantern close to Sirius’ face, inspecting him, until Sirius batted it away, “Trying to blind me?”

Again, Filch ignored Sirius’ remarks. “Why not, Black? Have you got something illegal in your pockets?” Filch sneered.

“Wow,” Sirius spat out sarcastically, “You’ve got me now. I’m shipping off something so illegal that--”

“Turn them out, Black,” Filch interrupted. Sighing, Sirius pulled out the Map. Filch ripped it from his hand, “Give me that.”

“Seems to me like I just did,” Sirius said sardonically.

Filch unfolding it and examined both sides closely. Obviously unable to find something, he glared at Sirius, who kept his expression careless, “I’ll be taking this.”

“It’s just a spare bit of parchment,” Sirius argued, “I need it to write my essay, thank you very much.” Sirius made to grab the Map back, but Filch held it away from him.

“I’m sure you can find another piece from one of your many friends,” Filch responded airily.

“Please,” Sirius begged, despite being aware that nothing he said would change Filch’s mind, “Please don’t take it. I swear, it’s nothing, I really, really need it for my potions essay.”

“Come with me,” Filch said. Ignoring most things Sirius said seemed to be a hobby of his.

“Plea--”

“With me, Black,” and Sirius had no choice but to follow Filch out of the owlery, his stomach sinking down the floor.

As they were about to exit Sirius remembered Snape’s little dot clearly showing him in the owlery. Maybe Filch would be able to find him, “Wait! Snape is up here too, I think I saw him coming up here.” The least he could do was bring Snape down with him.

“Snape?” Filch narrowed his eyes, “Snape wouldn’t be up here, Black. Now let’s go.”

“Why not?” Sirius crossed his arms, refusing to move.

“Because he was the one who told me you would be here. Might want to talk about your plans a little more quietly next time,” Filch’s hand gripped Sirius by the arm, “Come with me.”

Sirius opened his mouth to say something but no words came out. His stomach was sinking to the floor, and he realized Remus had been right. Snape had tricked him, and Sirius had played right into his trap. And worse than that, the Map was now gone. The boys were going to kill him.


	7. From the Floor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Moony's time of the month again, isn't it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there guys! We are so exceptionally sorry we haven't updated in so long. But here we are, with our longest chapter yet, ready to rumble once more. You can expect updates every week or so, but please allow us some wiggle room, because shit happens.  
> Well, anyways, we hope you enjoy this chapter a whole lot.  
> lots and lots of love,  
> j&z

_Boys Dormitory, September thirtieth, 1977_

“You _lost_ it?” James asked incredulously, running his hands through his hair.

“Depends what you mean by ‘it’.”

“You _know_ what he means, Sirius,” Remus stood from his chair, frowning, “I told you not to go, Merlin’s beard, Sirius, will you ever learn to listen to me?”

“Okay, okay, calm down Moony. I _misplaced_ it, sure.”

“Misplaced it into Filch’s hands?”

“You’re not very nice today, Remus. Is it that time of the month again?”

“You lost the map, Sirius,” Remus glared at him.

“Well, sure, but you’re being a prick about it.”

“And it is that time of the month, Moony.”

“Shut it, Wormtail.”

“See? Touchy.” Sirius tossed a grateful look at the smaller boy, who grinned in pride at the acknowledgment.

“Look, mate, it’s gonna be a problem if Filch gets a good look at the map.” James interrupted the debate, which was quickly growing heated.

“Filch isn’t going to get a good look at it. Remus put all those spells on it, remember?” Sirius fiddled with the tie hanging loosely around his neck, “He’ll get a good look at ‘Argus Filch is a greasy scumbag’ or something. Really, it’s nothing to worry about. I’ll get it back.”

Remus didn’t seem convinced, but the response seemed enough to calm James and Peter, who both looked on the verge of falling asleep. Really, Sirius didn’t deserve friends who waited up for him while he ran around losing their most prized invention and getting detention for the umpteenth time, but the three of them had remained in the common room until he had returned.

James yawned loudly, “Well I’m right tired and I’ve had a shit night, so if you don’t mind.” He stood up, closing some book on Quidditch plays and tucking it under his arm.

“Wait just a minute, I’m coming too,” Remus said. He stood up as well, and Peter followed in suit.

“I’m really sorry,” Sirius said desperately.

“S’alright, Padfoot,” James said through another yawn. He gave Sirius a small smile, “We’ll get it back tomorrow.”

Sirius nodded, slightly reassured in James’ confidence in the matter, and followed his friends back to their dormitory. He couldn't believe what a daft idiot he was. He'd lost the bloody map.

 

_The Black Lake, March fifteenth, 1972_

“Where’s Remus off to?” Sirius sat down next to James and Peter, who were lounging under a tree near the Black Lake.

“Mother’s ill again. He should be back in a few days,” James said distractedly. He was frowning at his history book, and he looked up at Peter, “I’m not sure about that Peter, ask McGonagall in class tomorrow.”

Peter frowned at this, obviously not getting the answer he was hoping for. Sirius, however, found the topic of Remus’ whereabouts more important, “Again? Seems like he visits her this time every month.”

“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t purposefully schedule his visits to his sick mother,” James told Sirius.

“Doesn’t it seem a bit odd though?” Sirius pushed, “I mean, he was gone this time last month also. And the month before... and the one before that as well.”

“I’m going to ignore how obviously weird it is that you know what time he’s gone every month and hear you out on this,” James closed his history book and handed it to Peter.

“Well what if it’s not his mother, yeah?” Sirius said eagerly, glad that James was at least agreeing to listen to him, “I mean, we’ve only known him for about a year... how much do we actually know about him? He leaves every single month. It’s weird.”

“Okay first of all, we’ve known him for almost two years,” James pointed out, “And he’s been to my house loads of times. He’s one of our best mates, why would he lie to us about visiting his mother?”

“I don’t know!” Sirius said, frustrated, “You don’t think it’s the slightest bit odd that he leaves every month?”

“I mean... I guess it’s kind of strange,” James admitted, “But what exactly do you think he’s doing, then? If he’s not visiting his bedridden mum every month?”

“I don’t know. Maybe he’s part of some secret organization or something... that has a meeting at the same time every... month...?” Sirius trailed off at the amused look on James’ face, “What?”

“Really? A secret organization?” James seemed like he was trying not to laugh, “Like a gang? Are we talking about the same Remus? Because, c’mon... it’s Remus.”

“Maybe he has lady problems,” Peter suggested. Sirius laughed.

“Hilarious,” James rolled his eyes, “Seriously, though. Think about how unlikely that is.”

“But he’s always gone this time of month,” Sirius argued.

“You’ve said that already,” James sighed. Sirius was making him nervous-- what if there was something about Remus they needed to be worried about? “Do you think he’s okay?”

“Keep your pants on, James,” Sirius shrugged, “I don’t think we need to go run off and save him. I just think he’s up to something.”

James relaxed slightly, “Okay. I’ll consider the possibility that he’s not visiting his mum. But a secret organization is out of the picture, okay?”

“Maybe he’s part of a book club that he doesn’t want us to know about,” Sirius suggested. James rolled his eyes again.

“What kinds of things occupy someone every month...?” James wondered, he frowned, trying to come up with something. Sirius pursed his lips, thinking as well.

“Maybe he’s a werewolf,” Peter chuckled.

James’ head snapped up, Sirius’ eyes widened. They looked at each other, then at Peter, who was forming a confused expression on his face.

“C’mon guys, I was joking!” Peter said nervously, under the impression that Sirius and James had taken him seriously.

James opened his mouth, as if to say something, but nothing came out.

“What?” Peter was turning slightly red, “Is that one of those things I shouldn’t joke about?”

“Peter--” Sirius said slowly, “You’re a genius.”

Peter, who had probably never been called a genius in his entire life, looked desperately confused. When neither James nor Sirius showed signs of either taking back or adding to the claim of Peter’s newfound intelligence, he spluttered, “W-what?”

“You’re right,” James said in awe, “Remus is a werewolf. That makes so much sense-- I can’t believe we didn’t think of that!”

“Remus is a werewolf?” Peter repeated dumbly.

“Yes!” Sirius exclaimed, “It fits perfectly! I bet you anything it’s the full moon tonight.”

“Merlin’s beard,” James muttered, “Who’d have thought...?”

“When he gets back we’re asking him,” Sirius seemed pleased with the decision.

“Right, that’ll go over really well,” James retorted.

“What else are we supposed to do?” Peter asked, earning a grin from Sirius.

“Can we at least try to be skillful about it?” James insisted.

“We can try,” Sirius said, “Not gonna make any promises though, sorry Jamesy boy.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Try and stop me.”

* * *

They ran to the library, since no one seemed to have their schedule on hand (though, admittedly, it was Friday after classes ended) to check the date. Not due to any sort of calendar located there, but because anyone who was in the library at that time of day probably had their schedule glued onto their chest.

James perused the magical creature section while Sirius hauled Wormtail off to go ask a fifth-year girl deeply engrossed in some muggle novel what the date was. She threw her schedule at them without pulling her attention from the book. Sirius was impressed.

“So, is it?” James asked eagerly.

Sirius flipped through the pages, stopping on the date, “Yeah. Full moon tonight.”

Peter wrinkled his nose nervously, and James noted how closely he resembled a rodent of some kind, “Well, it could be something else, right?”

“Shut it, Peter.” Sirius stared down James, “So what do we do?”

“What, about Remus? It’s a condition, mate. We can’t exactly ‘do’ anything.” James flipped aimlessly through a book from the shelf in front of him, settling on the floor.

“No, not about Remus. _For_ Remus. What are we going to do _for_ Remus?”

“Buy him some flowers, maybe? A ‘get well soon’ card?” James kept his face even as he suggested it, stopping on a page in the book and glancing down it, looking mildly interested. Peter, lurking behind him, looked over his shoulder.

Sirius kicked his friend in the kneecap, “Come on, James. You’ve got to have some kind of thought in that thick skull of yours.”

“I do!” Peter piped up, grabbing the book from James’ hands, who looked at him indignantly.

“Pete, that’s a hundred and one shades of against the rules!’

“No, James, look here!” Peter bounced excitedly, his round face flushed with joy.

As James stood, Sirius took the book from Peter, who beamed at him with pride, “Animagi. That’s it.”

“What, like McGonagall?” James looked at the page from behind Sirius’ shoulder, “Isn’t that a complicated spell? And, not to sound like Remus, but a complicated legal process to boot?”

“Well, sure,” Sirius turned the page, brows furrowed, “But I’ve never been one for complicated legal processes. And complicated spells just require a little bit of practice. Studying, if you will."

"Sirius. We are all horrid at studying."

"Peter's alright at it.”

“ ‘Alright at it’ isn’t going to keep us from being arrested. Or permanently turned into shrubs or something.”

“Shrubs are plants, James.” Sirius continued to stare at his friend, who glared down at him, “Are you thinking of shrews?”

“I’m thinking of staying out of Azkaban until at least age seventeen, Sirius.”

His friend rolled his eyes “Please, James. None of us will ever end up in Azkaban. We’re too handsome. Well, at least you and I are too handsome. Peter is debatable.”

* * *

Remus returned the next morning, during breakfast. There were bags under his eyes, like he hadn’t slept in months-- James realized maybe he hadn’t-- and he pushed his food around his plate with a decided lack of enthusiasm.

“So how’s your mum?” Peter’s voice cracked a little on the word ‘mum’ as Sirius dug an elbow into his side.

“She’s… still ill.”

The group was silent as Remus arranged his potatoes into a small pile and then smashed them with his fork.

“Listen, mate…” James stared at the flattened potatoes with a kind of passive interest, “We need to talk. Not here, but… somewhere else.”

Remus’ face paled, but he kept his eyes trained on his potatoes, “Alright, James. Let me finish eating.”

“I hate to break it to you, mate, but you haven’t exactly started,” Sirius poked the potatoes with the end of his wand, “We can sneak into the kitchens later. Let’s go.”

He stood, followed by James and Peter, as well as Remus, who slouched forward a little as he shuffled after them.

* * *

They ducked into an empty washroom on the third floor, Sirius leaning against a mirror, James against a stall, and Peter sitting with his full arse in a sink. Remus stood uncomfortably in front of them, his hands shoved into the pockets of his robes.

“You know, don't you.” Remus mumbled, phrasing it as less of a question and more of a statement.

“About your furry little problem? Yeah.” Sirius watched him carefully.

“When you say it like that it sounds like a fetish,” James turned from Sirius to Remus, “But honestly mate, we don’t care. Well, we care, but less about the fact that you’re actually a, well...”

“Freak?” Remus kept his eyes focused on the floor.

“Lycanthrope. Anyways, we care more about the fact that you’re going through it alone.”

“So we had this brilliant idea, “ Sirius continued, “To become animagi.”

“It was my idea, actually!” Peter piped up, beaming at them from his spot in the sink.

“It was sort of a collaborative thing. Anyways, we figured we could keep you company of sorts."

Remus looked up at them, his eyes round and confused, “Wait, you still want to be my friends?”

“Why wouldn’t we? What, you think just because you turn into a vicious, man-eating monster once a month we’re going to up and leave you? You can’t get rid of us that easily, mate. Plus, I haven’t finished my transfiguration essay yet, and it’s not like either of those two can pull their heads out of their asses long enough to breathe, let alone write a whole bloody essay for me.” He jammed his thumb in the direction of Peter and James.

James ignored his friend’s cruelty, “So we want to be animagi. Will you help us?”

“It’s a very complicated process,” Remus said uncertainly, “It could take years to complete.”

“But you’ll help us, right?” James insisted, ignoring Remus’ doubtful expression.

Remus bit his lip hesitantly, “I... sure. I can try.”

 

_The Shrieking Shack, September twenty first, 1975_

“I’m not sure I've mastered the spell.” Remus wrung his hands together nervously, “I need a bit more time.”

“We don’t have more time. The full moon’s in two nights, and we’ve had three years for prep. We’re not letting you go through another transformation alone,” James patted Remus on the back, “Don’t worry Remus, I believe in you. But, uh, just to be sure, start with Peter.”

“What?”

“Sorry, mate, but you’re what one would call ‘expendable’.”

Peter’s brow furrowed, but he stayed quiet as Sirius guided him to a spot on the floor a few feet ahead of Remus. He sat down, legs extended, and then lay back, squeezing his eyes shut, “Just hurry up and do it.”

Remus began to move his wand gracefully through the air, his fingers trembling slightly. Under his breath he muttered a long string of incantations, as Peter was wrapped in pale blue light. Remus stopped muttering and the light faded, leaving Peter’s pale, still body on the cold floor.

“Oh my God. You killed him. Remus. You killed Peter.” James stared at the smaller boy’s body unblinkingly, “He’s dead. Oh my god.”

“He’s breathing, James.” Remus lifted his wand once more and flicked it gently, and Peter’s eyes shot open.

As he struggled to sit up, his face and head began to shrink, as did the rest of his body, compressing into a small, furry shape. Suddenly, Peter Pettigrew’s watery eyes no longer peered out from the fleshy face of pre-pubescent boy, but from a small, furry…

“I told you, Sirius! Look! Peter’s stuck as a shrub!” James knelt down and picked up their friend, looking very concernedly down at Peter’s twitching whiskers.

“A shrew, James. For the last time, a shrub is a plant.” Sirius grabbed at the animal’s long, thin tail.

“Also, that’s a rat. Not a shrew. Or a bush. And he’s not stuck, he can change back whenever he likes. He just has to focus.” Remus sighed loudly, rubbing his wand on the end of his shirt.

“So he’s stuck forever.” James looked sadly down at the twitching animal, lamenting his friend’s loss of human form.

“No, James, he’s not. Now go lie down on the floor before I hex you instead of help you.”

 

_Gryffindor common room, November eighth, 1975_

Lily looked at the clock over the fireplace, wondering if maybe McGonagall would give her an extra day to finish her Transfiguration essay. It was almost two in the morning, and she’d been pouring over book after book trying to get this essay just right. It was the only assignment she had left, though, she figured she could stay up a while longer. She just needed to close her eyes for a moment, and then she’d have the energy to finish her damn essay.

She awoke to the sound of the portrait hole slamming shut, and loud whispering coming from behind her. She had fallen asleep with her neck bent uncomfortably against the arm of the couch, her essay and transfiguration book resting heavily on her abdomen, her quill on the floor. The clock now read 3:17 a.m. and, confused, she sat up and looked around, her eyes falling on the familiar faces of James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter.

“What the bloody hell are you doing?” Lily asked, half groggy from sleep, half alarmed at the current state at the four boys in front of her.

Peter was blue. His skin, his hair, and his eyebrows were a violent shade of indigo and his robes, which were typically black, had somehow been dyed to match the rest of him. James had Sirius’ arm slung over his shoulder, and Sirius was leaning against him, clearly trying to keep the weight off of his left leg. His pants had been ripped at the knees and were covered in dirt, and the bottom of his robe looked as if some wild thing-- an animal, perhaps-- had torn it apart with its teeth. Remus, standing next to the very blue Peter, was holding a frog in both his hands, looking entirely confused about how he had even gotten there in the first place. And James-- James was standing right in the center (despite the fact that technically it was impossible for him to be located in the center of an even number of people he somehow managed to accomplish this feat) completely unscathed, seeming to have escaped the misfortune that had befallen the rest of his friends.

James opened his mouth, then closed it, and the silence that followed was only broken by the sound of Remus’ frog croaking loudly.

Then, James promptly said, “Not now Evans, I have no time for flirtatious banter.”

“Potter what are you-”

“I said _not now_ Evans,” James interrupted through gritted teeth. He gave her a look, like she was supposed to know exactly what he was talking about, regardless of the fact that she absolutely didn’t, then turned to his companions and grinned at them, “Come along, lads.”

Mouth opened slightly, Lily watched with perplextion as James led Sirius out of the room, Sirius limping slightly, Remus and Peter bringing up the rear.

The last thing Lily heard as they made their way to their dormitory was James saying, “We are never trying that again.”

* * *

James stumbled through the door and dropped Sirius on the carpet unceremoniously, receiving a disgruntled noise from Sirius.

“Merlin’s beard, James, I-” Sirius started.

“I know! I know,” James held up his hands in defense, “So maybe that didn’t go exactly to plan but-”

“Exactly to plan?” Remus asked disbelievingly, looking back and forth between James and the frog in his hands, “I’m holding a bloody amphibian in my hands right now! Peter is the color of a blueberry! Sirius nearly-”

“Is it _really_ necessary to recall the night’s events right now?” James stepped closer towards Remus, lowering his voice, “Sirius could be severely traumatized, we should-”

“I’m not traumatized you bloody buffoon,” Sirius raged from the floor, “It’s just that a fucking-”

“Am I going to be permanently blue?” Peter cut in, looking less concerned than he probably should have been, but concerned nonetheless.

“Nobody knoooows,” James grinned at him, “That’s the wonder of it, really.”

“Just take a bloody shower, Peter. And don’t touch the linens,” Remus grumbled, wiping his left palm along the sheets of his bunk, while gingerly holding the frog with his other hand, “And next time, let’s avoid getting caught, alright boys?”

“I’m not sure how we can really guarantee that, mate.”

James snapped his fingers, his eyes widening, “I just had an idea.”

Sirius groaned from the floor, “Not another bloody idea.”

“Yeah, I’m still blue,” Peter chimed in.

“Just go take a shower!” Remus ran a hand through his hair, exasperated.

“But I don’t want to miss anything!” Peter exclaimed, pouting.

“Okay, sit down,” Remus said authoritatively, pointing at the place where Peter was standing, “Right there. And don’t move. That is the only place you are allowed to make blue.”

Peter nodded without a word, then slowly sat down. It was quiet for a moment, and then Peter asked timidly, “Remus? I have to use the loo.”

“Shut the fuck up, Peter,” Sirius snapped from the floor.

Peter nodded again.

“Okay but hear me out-”

“No,” Remus said.

“Come on guys--”

“No,” Sirius said from the floor.

“Butwhatifwemadeamapoftheschoolthatshoweduswhereeveryonewasatalltimes?” James said quickly, before they could interrupt him.

“No,” Remus said again.

“What?” Sirius asked from the floor.

“NO!” Remus emphasized.

“Wait, I would actually like to know what he just said,” Sirius explained from the floor.

“I hate all of you,” Remus clarified.

“Why do you hate me?” Peter asked, frowning slightly.

“Because you’re getting blue all over the carpet!” Remus barked.

“He’s got a fair point there,” Sirius said reasonably from the floor. He turned back to James, “So what were you saying?”

“Merlin’s beard,” Remus pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and pointer finger, closing his eyes.

“Okay so we make a map of the school, yeah?” James started, ignoring Remus’ comment, “And it shows the entire castle and the entire school grounds and all the secret passages that we’ve found over the years. And then we find some way to like-- to show where every person in the school is. We’ll never get caught again.”

“That’s actually quite genius,” Sirius input from the floor.

“Shut up, you have no say in this matter you almost got taken out by a--”

“How many times do I have to tell you, dear Remus?” James asked hopelessly, slinging his arm around Remus’ shoulder, “Sirius is _traumatized_.”

“I’m not traumatized, you great big prat,” Sirius interjected (from the floor).

“I think a map is a good idea,” Peter decidedly informed them.

“Do you, Peter? Do you really?” Remus glared at the blue colored boy staining the carpet, “You know what sounds like a good idea to me? Not dying the bloody carpet blue, but you’re not so keen on that idea are you? And by the way, why am I still holding this bloody frog?”

Remus’ frog croaked noisily.

“Hey now, Moony,” Sirius said soothingly from the floor, “You’re hurting its feelings.”

“So the map...?” James prodded.

Remus gave him a look.

“Think about it, Moony,” James continued, “We could literally know the whereabouts of every person in the entire school. We would be unstoppable.”

“I’m not sure this school needs an unstoppable Sirius Black and James Potter,” Remus pointed out.

“That’s exactly what this school needs,” Sirius looked up at James from the floor and wiggled his eyebrows at him.

“Well it could be possible...” Remus said thoughtfully, his eyebrows turning down slightly in a frown as he got lost in thought.

“Feel free to expand on that whenever you’d like,” James commented.

“There’s a charm, it was in the some of the reading we had to do last year in charms,” Remus explained.

“Nerd,” Sirius muttered from the floor.

“It’s called the Homonculous Charm,” Remus continued, oblivious to Sirius’ insult.

“Oh, the Homonculous Charm... sounds vaguely familiar,” James paused, “Remind me what it does again?”

“You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?” Remus deadpanned.

“Not in the slightest,” James grinned, “That’s what we have you for.”

“That and his excellent chilada things he makes, what’re they called?” Sirius looked up at Remus from the floor with a genuinely questioning glance.

“ _En_ chiladas,” Remus rolled his eyes in response, “Nice to know my ability to cook Mexican food makes me a keeper.”

“I love when you talk geographical culinary skills to me,” James said, making a kissy face at Remus.

“So what does it do?” Peter piped up. He was still blue, and there was a blue circle slowly forming on the carpet where he was sitting.

“Well Homonculous comes from the Latin word Homunculus, which means-”

“Remus,” Sirius interrupted from the floor.

“What does the spell do?” James finished for him.

Remus sighed loudly, “When cast onto a map it should effectively track the movements of everyone in the mapped area. Even if they’re wearing say an invisibility cloak, or have used various methods of concealment such as a spell or polyjuice potion. If done correctly, it would allow us to know the whereabouts of quite literally everyone in the castle.”

“We are the future,” Sirius announced from the floor.

“It’s actually quite a brilliant idea, Prongs, if we can manage to pull it off,” Remus admitted.

“See?” James’ grin widened, “Not all of my ideas are terrible. And besides, I don’t think it’s quite possible to repeat the horrifying events of tonight.”

“I thought we’re not supposed to talk about it,” Remus narrowed his eyes, “Something about Sirius being traumatized?”

“Vague mentions of it are allowed,” James amended, “I’m avoiding speaking about it directly.”

“I hate all of you,” Sirius glared up at them from the floor, then before Peter could open his mouth, he added on, “Even you, Wormtail. For staining the carpet blue. Go take a damn shower, Merlin’s beard. And somebody help me off this damn floor I think my leg is broken.”

“Right, um, Moony,” James bent down to help Sirius, “Help me help him up.”

“What am I supposed to do with this frog?” Remus asked, holding up the frog, still in his hand, for display.

James looked at him as if somehow this was a completely preposterous question, then shrugged his shoulders, still seemingly bewildered that Remus had the audacity to ask such a bold question, “I don’t know, teach it to sing?”

 

_Third Floor Corridor, October first, 1977_

James sprinted up the stairs ahead of Sirius, panting heavily, “Please tell me you set the stink bombs.”

“What, do you think I’m a bloody amateur? Of course I set the stink bombs, and the portable swamp, and the bloody blue thing that still doesn’t function properly!” Sirius nearly tripped, “Why can’t we have the fucking cloak?”

James held out a hand and pulled him up to the landing as the stairs shifted places beneath them, “You know ruddy well that Remus and Peter need it to get into Filch’s office! It’s like the number one rule! Distractions. Don’t. Get. The cloak.”

“Right, but distractions do get detention, and distractions still have Quidditch practice, and distractions are head boys who have apparently staked their reputation on not pranking. Watch the trick step.”

James hopped the step right as the scream began.

“POTTER! BLAAAACK!” Argus Filch’s voice echoed through the school, and Sirius stumbled a little.

“Gee, you think he knows it was us?” James pulled him back up to the top landing.

“I’d give it about 50-50. How do we get back to the common room from here?”

“Are you asking me to take you home, Padfoot?”

“I’m asking you to rescue me from a squib and his ugly cat, Prongs. Make of that what you will.” Sirius broke back into a jog, and James hurried to keep up with him.

“Right, make a left up here, then another left, then go down a flight, then go right. That should get us there.”

* * *

They skidded to a halt in front of the portrait hole right as Remus took off the cloak. In his right hand he clutched his wand and the map, though his face looked drawn.

“She won’t let us in.”

“What?”

“The Fat Lady,” Peter interjected, appearing from the spot next to Moony, “She won’t let us in. She says Filch told her not to let in any students past curfew.”

“That he did!” The portrait interrupted him, “Now stay here until Argus comes through to collect you.”

“Did you just call him… Argus? What are you, romantically entwined?” Sirius examined the portrait closely, “Hold still, I’m checking for love bites.”

“Sirius…”

“No, no James. I really want to make sure ‘Argus’ is treating her right. Using protection. All the important stuff.” He eyed the Fat Lady thoughtfully, “Really, though. I always thought it was you and Nick who had a thing. You and Argus? Wow.”

“Why I never,” The painting blushed furiously, “You have no right to go speculating wildly--”

“And another thing! What about that knight up by the astronomy tower? Always thought you and he might be bumping uglies! But, no, apparently you have settled for the likes of Argus Filch, who can’t even operate a wand--”

“Ahah!” Sirius froze in his tracks, face still uncomfortably close to the painting, and turned slowly around, to see Argus Filch baring down on him and his friends, grinning menacingly. “I believe there’s a swamp up on the fifth floor that requires an explanation. Would anyone care to provide it?”

The four boys were silent. Behind him, Sirius could hear the Fat Lady chortling to herself.

* * *

“Argus!” Professor McGonagall’s voice cut through the hall as Filch shuffled the four boys forward. He turned, and his young captives followed suit.

“Yes, Minerva?”

“What are you doing with my one of my best students, two of my best Quidditch players, and Mr. Pettigrew?” She hurried towards them, wand illuminating the hallway in front of her. Her lips were pursed, and she stared down Filch with the kind of fiery passion she usually reserved for Friday lectures and the occasional spitball lobbed in her class.

“They’re the ones who caused the commotion upstairs, Professor,” Filch growled, grabbing Sirius’ robe and hauling him forward, “This one is the ringleader. He was trying to get back this,” he held up the map, just re-confiscated from Remus, “But I stopped him.”

McGonagall grabbed the piece of parchment from his hands and turned it over, eyeing it carefully, “I don’t understand, Argus. Why go through all of that just for a sheet of parchment?”

Filch looked stunned. His eyes bulged out of their sockets, and his mouth kept twisting into strange grimaces, “Well… See…” He trailed off, frowning.

“That’s what I thought, Argus. These four lack the motive. Now, if I may, I will be taking my students back to their dormitories. Good evening, Mr. Filch.”

With that, she turned, dressing gown sweeping the stone floor behind her, and began heading back down the hall, the four boys trailing behind her in silence.

* * *

They didn’t return to their dormitories-- they almost did, but McGonagall made a left instead of a right and suddenly they were in her office, standing across her desk from her, as she glowered up at each one but Peter, who remained the prodigal runt of the litter.

“So, Mr. Potter,” she turned so that all of her malice was focused on James, “Care to explain all of this?” She waved the parchment in front of his face.

“It’s… a piece of parchment, Professor,” His eyes flicked from the map to her, “Honestly.”

“Is that so, Head Boy?” She narrowed her eyes at him, “Then why, exactly, did you and Mr. Black set off such a colorful array of…” She trailed off, turning to Sirius, “And I was under the impression you and Mr. Black were already serving detention, so I am just slightest bit confused why you would risk more.”

Sirius began to protest, but she held up a hand, “I don’t want to hear it, Mr. Black. What I do want is for you and your friends to return to your dormitory-- no detours. I am not giving you detention, however: Potter and Black, you must arrive to Quidditch practice thirty minutes earlier than usual for the remainder of the season. I fully expect to see massive improvements on behalf of our house. Mr. Pettigrew, you are required to receive tutoring from Professor Slughorn, as your potions grades are abysmal, and Mr. Lupin… Get a good night’s rest.” She tapped her wand against her desk, “And I am sorry, but I must return this parchment to Mr. Filch for filing. Please understand.”

She hurried them out of her office with a stern warning about the dangers of wandering the castle at night, and closed the door loudly behind them.

“Sirius,” Moony grumbled, “The map is still gone.”

“Right,” Sirius began, “But at least we don’t have detention. Now come on, Remus. Let’s get started on that good night’s rest you were assigned. I’ll even let you be the little spoon.”

* * *

James Potter woke up second. Remus was up first, but Remus was always up first. He was pouring over a text book-- ancient runes, maybe-- and glanced at James only briefly when he sat up and yawned loudly.

“Morning, Moony.”

“Not now, Prongs. I have a lot of studying to do. I’m going to be missing tomorrow and I’m already behind from last month.”

“Right,” James slid his legs over the edge of his bed, grabbing ahold of his pillow and tossing it at Sirius’ sleeping form, “Hey! Ugly!”

“I’m handsome and tired,” Sirius groaned, “Just five more minutes.”

“No, not five more minutes, you miserable prat. I’m hungry and you lost the map, so we’re going to get breakfast. Put on some pants.”

“Half the lot has already seen me without pants anyways, Prongs. Not like it’s anything new.”

“You slut.” James tossed another pillow at his friend’s head.

* * *

The two, followed by Peter, and, after some persuasion and jinxing of his books, Remus, trundled down to the Great Hall, blinking in the early morning light. They entered through a different door than usual-- Sirius called it ‘an adventure’ and Remus called it ‘stupid’-- passing by the Slytherin and Ravenclaw tables.

When no one was looking, Sirius slid a note-- folded four times-- to Severus Snape, whose eyes widened greatly.

James sat down heavily beside Frank Longbottom-- who looked at the boy with some mixed curiosity.

“So,” Frank began, “I hear you and Lily Evans had a row of some sort.” Frank was beaming in the way that implied he had intended no offense, but James’ mood soured immediately.

“How’d you hear about that?” James poked at his toast with his wand, suddenly very uninterested in the breakfast his stomach had been demanding only moments before.

“Alice told me. Apparently Lily’s really upset and she won’t say why.”

“Well, obviously, it’s because I’m a massive prat, Franklin,” James snapped, “And do me a favor: tell your girlfriend to keep her nose out of my business, alright?”

Frank’s eyes widened, but he closed his mouth and turned away from James. Remus, across the table from him, frowned, “You still haven’t apologized?”

“What’s there to apologize for, Remus? Snivellus is a massive git. They’re not even friends anymore,” James pushed his plate away from him and stared gloomily into his pumpkin juice, “I’m not going to apologize for trying to keep her safe.”

“Is that really what it was about?” Remus eyed him, “You sure you’re not jealous?”

“Of a pasty pureblood fanatic with personal boundary issues? Yes, Remus, I’m absolutely filled with envy.” James’ voice dripped with sarcasm and not a small degree of malice. He then lay his head down on the table and groaned.

Sirius, seated next to him, patted his back awkwardly, “There, there James. I’m sure she’ll forgive you. And if not, you and I can be flatmates forever and you can rebound from girl to girl in some fruitless attempt at regaining lost love.”

James groaned again, forehead still stuck to the oak table, and Remus sighed, flipping open his copy of the Daily Prophet, “Here Prongs, have a look at the sports page.”

* * *

Severus Snape met Sirius Black in the hallway with nothing but portraits at one-seventeen p.m. Sirius was supposed to be in remedial herbology and Snape had a schedule that remained a mystery because, honestly, Sirius didn’t really care enough to figure it out.

“Black.”

“Snivellus. I understand you have some questions.”

“I have some, yes,” Snape casually removed his wand from a pocket in his robes and twisted it around in his hands, “Though I hardly expected you to answer them. Your cousin and mother seem to think you are a lost cause.”

Sirius’ spine stiffened, “And you?”

“I hardly believe you’re a cause at all.” Snape put the wand back in his pocket, holding his left forearm unconsciously. Sirius pretended not to notice.

“Consider this a show of good faith, then. You want to know what my friends are up to once a month?”

Severus scoffed, “Why, Sirius, I have some theories. I hardly need your assistance with that.”

“Right, but I reckon you haven’t got the faintest clue where we go, do you?” Severus remained quiet, and Sirius could sense a shift in the tone of the conversation. Snape was no longer trying to remain aloof; he was interested, he wanted to know, “You know the Shrieking Shack? You may want to visit it tonight. There’s a passage out by the Whomping Willow. Press the knob on the trunk and it will immobilize the tree,” Sirius turned away from Snape, trying not to grin, “Let Bella know I’m behaving, won’t you?”

He left Severus standing there in the dark hallway, surrounded by drowsy portraits, and gloated silently to himself.

* * *

James looked at the clock over the fireplace, surprised at how late it already was. He’d been brooding over stupid bloody Lily Evans again and lost track of the time. Sighing, he leaned over towards Sirius and muttered, “It’s getting late, we should probably head out to help Moony soon. Is Peter in the library?”

“Right,” Sirius shifted uncomfortably, “About that.”

James frowned, “What?”

“I don’t think we should go tonight,” Sirius said.

James’ frown deepened, “Why the bloody hell not?”

“Pulled a small prank on Snivellus,” Sirius shrugged casually, “He’s going to have a nice little surprise when he gets to the Shrieking Shack.”

James jumped up from his seat, scaring a few first years still in the common room, “You told him?”

“Gave him a few hints,” Sirius chuckled, “He’ll figure the rest out himself.”

James’ face had paled, and he looked grave, “Sirius you fucking idiot.”

The smile slipped off of Sirius’ face, “What?”

James merely shook his head and grabbed his wand off the couch. Ignoring Sirius’ confusion, he quickly exited the common room, not even bothering to grab his invisibility cloak. 

“Lumos,” James muttered, illuminating the area ahead him as he made his way across the now dark school grounds. The Whomping Willow was already frozen; Snape clearly hadn’t bothered to cover up his tracks and remobilize the tree.

Cursing to himself, James hurried through the entrance. He wasn't sure how far behind Snape he was, but he figured if he ran he’d be able to catch up. Mind racing at the possibility of things that could go wrong, James started to sprint, following the familiar path leading to the Shrieking Shack.

* * *

Severus Snape was beginning to second guess himself. He could hear the howls and groans coming from up ahead, but as much as they frightened him, there was no way he was giving Black the satisfaction of turning back at the last minute. He wasn’t a coward, no matter what Potter and Black seemed to think. The sound of scratching became clearer as well, and he saw a door just up ahead.

Taking a deep breath, Severus quickly approached the door, placing his hand on the door knob. He was just about to turn it when he heard footsteps behind him. He paused and turned around, pulling his wand out with the hand that wasn’t on the door.

“Don’t go in there, Snape.” It was Potters voice, and he was panting heavily as he slowly moved towards Severus, “I’m dead serious, don’t open that door.”

“Stop me,” Severus grinned, then turned the door handle, he was about to push it open just as Potter launched himself at Severus, tackling Severus away from the door.

“What the bloody hell is in there?” Severus demanded, struggling to get out of Potter’s grip.

“You don’t need to fucking know everything, Snape,” Potter said through gritted teeth, trying to pin Severus to the ground, “Just let this one go, it’s in your best interest.”

“Like you’d ever be looking out for my best interest,” Severus snarled. He got one of his hands free and, without thinking, swung it towards Potter, landing a punch on Potter’s cheek. Surprised, his grip on Severus loosened and the smaller boy knocked him away, stumbling towards the door and pushing it open.

Severus had had his theories over the years about where Remus Lupin went every month and he’d definitely thrown the werewolf theory around more than once, but he’d never actually expected to be met with a fully transformed Remus Lupin, snarling and angry and very, very hairy.

The werewolf-- or Remus, Severus was having trouble seeing the two as the same thing-- snapped it’s head towards Severus upon the sound of the door opening. It growled viciously from across the room, then pounced towards Severus. He was once again knocked aside as Potter pushed him out of the way, pulling out his wand and pointing it towards the beast. Bright orange and green lights shot out of the end of his wand-- Potter had always been excellent at silent incantations-- and hit the beast square in the chest.

The werewolf whined, retreating back a few steps, and Potter took this opportunity to grab Severus by the back of his robes and drag him out of the room, slamming the door shut behind the two of them.

“I told you, I fucking told you, but you never listen, do you?” Potter shouted as he yanked Severus to his feet and started dragging the boy away from the door. Severus could hear the werewolf banging and scratching against the wooden door, and though he’d never have admitted it, he was slightly terrified the door wouldn’t hold.

“Is your skull thicker than normal?” Potter continued yelling, “Do you not understand certain things of importance as well as most people do? Merlin’s beard, why the bloody hell would you willingly go somewhere Sirius told you to? Not that I’d necessarily mind, but do you have a death wish? ‘Oh, I’m Severus Snape. I follow directions that my _worst enemy gives me_ ’, you fucking prat!”

“Remus Lupin is a werewolf,” Severus said dumbly. The sounds of the creature were farther away now, but Severus could still make them out clearly enough.

Potter grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, slamming him up against the tunnel wall and pressing the tip of his wand to Severus’ neck, “Don’t you dare tell a fucking soul or I swear on everything good in this world I will make you wish you were dead. And then, I will very happily fulfill said wish”

“Does Dumbledore know?” Severus asked coolly, ignoring Potter's threat.

“Yes,” he answered shortly.

Severus pushed Potter away, glaring at him, “Fine. Won’t tell anybody.”

Potter studied him for a moment, before deciding that this response was apparently enough, then continued walking, not even checking to see if Severus followed or not.

Severus followed anyway.

* * *

James’ adrenaline was pumping by the time they climbed out of the Whomping Willow. He had no idea how they were going to get back into the castle without being detected but his intense anger towards Sirius and his immense hatred towards Snape’s existence seemed to trump out all worries of detention.

Nevertheless, his gut dropped as they entered the school and were met with McGonagall’s furious demand, “What the _bloody hell_ are you doing?”

“I can explain, Professor,” Snape said nervously, playing with the hem of his robes.

“I don’t want to hear it,” McGonagall held up her hands, “Both of you have had multiple detentions since school started, now you’re out after dark looking like you’ve just had a fight. Are you not of age? Or soon to be? You are acting like children, and I am exceptionally disappointed. Especially with you, Potter. As Head Boy we expect more of you at this school. Yet this is the second night in a row I've had too--” McGonagall took a sharp breath in, clearly trying to calm herself.

“Professor--” James started, feeling even more miserable than before.

“Headmaster’s office. Now.”

McGonagall stomped off towards Dumbledore’s office. Snape followed first, his head hung down in what James could only assume to be mock shame. James knew full well he was feigning his disgrace to ease his consequence. James, however, held his head up high as he followed McGonagall. He’d only tried to save _Snape_ , for Merlin’s sake, and he’d do it again if it meant that Remus never had to deal with the weight of killing or changing another person.

“Lemon drop,” McGonagall said aggressively, nearly shouting, as they reached the gargoyle outside Dumbledore’s office.

They made their way up the stairs in silence, then waited while McGonagall rapped sharply on the office door. It opened just a moment later, and she grabbed both boys firmly by the arm and led them into the office.

Despite the obvious fact of Snape and James’ misdemeanors, Dumbledore smiled at them, “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Outside the castle at night, clearly in some sort of fight, and not the first time this month, or these past seven years either,” McGonagall listed off angrily.

“Remus Lupin is a werewolf,” Snape stuttered out. James crossed his arms, rolling his eyes as a silence fell over the room. McGonagall let her grip on both of them go, taking a step back.

Dumbledore, however, simply sat up straighter, smiling kindly, and said calmly, “Please explain yourself, Severus.”

“B-Black tricked me into finding out! He told me to follow the tunnel under the Whomping Willow if I wanted to know everything so badly. I had no idea--”

“Is this true, James?” Dumbledore interrupted Snape’s rambling, turning to look at James, smile gone.

“Yes, Sir,” James muttered unwillingly.

“And you knew of Mr. Black’s plans?” Dumbledore asked, still perfectly composed.

“No, Sir,” James cleared his throat, fighting the urge to punch Snape in the face, “He told me only an hour ago. And I went to warn Sn... Severus,” James’ paused, then added through gritted teeth, “because Sirius clearly did not understand the severity of what he’d done.”

“That is very admirable of you, Mr. Potter,” Dumbledore nodded, then turned towards McGonagall, “Minerva, please go and fetch Mr. Black. I would like to speak with him before continuing my discussion with Severus and James.”

McGonagall nodded.

“Also, I believe Mr. Lupin will be transforming back soon, the moon was at its fullest almost two hours ago. If you could bring him to my office as well, that would be greatly appreciated.”

“Are you sure it’s best, Albus?” McGonagall asked, concerned, “He might need to go to the infirmary.”

“I would like to speak with him,” Dumbledore said, “I can mend any injuries that need tending to. Thank you,” Dumbledore added as she turned to go.

“Please wait here while Mr. Black is retrieved,” Dumbledore picked up a small bowel on his desk, “Lemon drop, anyone?”

“No thank you, Sir,” Snape said, looking down at his shoes.

“I’d love one,” James gave Dumbledore a small smile as he stepped forward and picked a lemon drop out of the bowl, “Thank you.”

They sat in silence for the next half hour, Dumbledore returned to the book he’d apparently been reading before he’d been interrupted and James glared at Snape, who refused to look at anything other than the carpet.

James looked away from Snape as the door to Dumbledore’s office opened and Sirius walked in with his head held just as high as James’ had been, followed closely by Professor McGonagall and a very beaten up Remus.

“Good evening, Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin” Dumbledore said, kind but stern, “Are there any wounds you need healed right now?” he turned to Remus with concern.

“No, thank you,” Remus smiled politely, though his cheeks turned an angry red color.

“As you wish,” Dumbledore turned to Sirius, “I understand a few things have happened tonight that you, Sirius, may be able to account for.”

Sirius looked at James uncertainly, but James kept his face blank, his anger towards Sirius reignited. Looking hurt, Sirius turned away from James and back to Dumbledore, “Possibly.”

“You let slip of Remus Lupin’s whereabouts tonight, with the knowledge of the danger you would be putting both him and Severus Snape in?” Dumbledore asked, eyebrows raised slightly.

“Yes,” Sirius mumbled.

“While the fact that you put Severus in risk of being bitten or killed may not have the effect on you it probably should, I’d like you to consider the effect the guilt of such actions would have on your friend, Mr. Lupin, who is, at the time of the full moon, unable to control himself."

“I understand,” Sirius said without any real kind of emphasis.

Dumbledore nodded, then turned to Snape, “And Severus, I would like you to vow to me that this will not get out to anyone in the school. While I understand you have had your previous disagreements with Mr. Lupin, Mr. Potter, and Mr. Black, I would request that you put aside said disagreements during this instance to understand that the importance of Mr. Lupin’s situation is above any rivalry you have developed over your years here.”

“Yes, Sir,” Snape nodded.

“Look at me, Severus,” Dumbledore commanded, still kind. Snape looked up slowly, meeting Dumbledore’s eyes, “I believe you will live up to the trust I have in you.”

“Yes, Sir,” Snape repeated.

“You may go, then,” Dumbledore sat back in his chair, “I believe you can find your way back to the Slytherin common room without any detours.”

“Yes, Sir,” Snape said for the third time. If James hadn’t been too angry to look at Sirius, he knew he would’ve seen Sirius rolling his eyes at Snape’s lack of articulation.

“James,” Dumbledore said after Snape had left the room, “I appreciate your selflessness in this matter and I’m sure if you had a different relationship with Severus he would be very grateful right now. I do not look past the fact that you may have saved his life tonight, and I would like to thank _you_ for looking past previous differences and doing the right thing. Remus, I wanted you to be aware of tonight's events, however you and James may now go. I would like to have a private word with Sirius.”

“Thank you, Professor,” James nodded, then left without a glance at Sirius.

He heard Remus from behind him, saying ‘thank you’ and then he joined James outside the office.

“You go on, I’m going to wait for Sirius,” James said, “I want to have the first go at him.”

“James...” Remus looked conflicted.

“What?” James snapped, “You could’ve killed Snape tonight. And it would’ve been his fault.”

“Those weren’t his intentions, Prongs,”” Remus sighed, “You really think he wanted to hurt me? If you really think that then you haven’t learned a single thing about Sirius despite the fact that you’ve been mates with him for almost a decade. And what does that say about you?”

“He never thinks,” James muttered, “You should go back, heal yourself up and get some rest. Merlin’s beard, this has been a mess.”

Remus looked reluctant, but eventually nodded and left for the Gryffindor tower.

James waited, despite how badly he wanted to yell at Sirius until he lost his voice. Some part of him couldn’t bear to leave his best mate alone, after undoubtedly receiving some form of harsh punishment for his blatant stupidity. Still, when Sirius finally came out of Dumbledore’s office, some five minutes later, James couldn’t bring himself to look at his friend.

“Prongs...” Sirius trailed off, “I’m sorry.”

“Let’s go,” James said shortly.

The walked in silence, Sirius trailing a few steps behind James the whole time.

It wasn't until they were outside of the common room that Sirius spoke up, “Nothing bad happened, Prongs. Why are you so upset about this?”

At those words, James couldn’t help himself. He went off on Sirius.

* * *

Lily was sitting alone in the common room. It was nearing two a.m. again, and she wasn’t entirely sure when being lonely next to the fireplace at god awful hours of the morning had become a norm, but it had been happening more and more. She looked up from her book upon hearing the portrait door swing shut, and was met with a very bruised, very bloody looking Remus Lupin.

“Remus!” Lily exclaimed.

Remus jumped, slightly alarmed at Lily’s presence.

“What happened?” Lily demanded, “Are you okay?”

Remus made a pained expression, then slowly shook his head.

“We need to get you to the infirmary,” Lily said immediately.

“No,” Remus croaked. He cleared his throat, then repeated it more firmly, “No.”

“Remus what-”

“I’m a werewolf,” Remus said bluntly.

“You’re a werewolf,” Lily clarified, eyebrows raised.

“Yes,” Remus said.

Lily remained quiet for a moment, as all the pieces in her mind slid into place. It made perfect sense, really, and she was almost embarrassed for not having figured it out sooner.

“I understand if you don’t want to... you know... be my friend anymore,” Remus said, sounding defeated. He looked exhausted. “But please, um, please don’t tell anybody.”

"Of course not," Lily frowned at him, “Why wouldn’t I want to be your friend anymore?”

“It’s just that... not everyone wants to be friends with a werewolf,” Remus smiled sadly, glancing down at the floor.

“Not everyone wants to be friends with a muggleborn either,” Lily motioned for Remus to come towards her, and he tentatively complied. She stood up as well and pulled him into a gentle hug, feeling him relax slightly, “We’re in the same boat, you and me. Got to stick together, yeah?”

Remus pulled away and looked at her, giving her a smile that seemed to be a mixture of relief and happiness “Yeah.”

“Is it this bad every month?” Lily asked concernedly.

“No,” Remus sighed, “Usually James and Sirius and Peter are there...”

Remus trailed off, the smile falling of his face. He ran a hand through his hair, then flinched at the pain the action had caused him.

“What?”

“It was a bloody mess...” Remus shook his head, “Sirius-”

Lily was unable to find out what Sirius had apparently done because the portrait door swung open once again. James and Sirius entered the common room first, both fuming and very oblivious to the fact that Remus and Lily were in the room as James yelled at Sirius.

“You complete fucking imbecile!” James was shouting, “Do you even realize how horrifically this could have gone?”

“You’re overreacting!” Sirius shouted back, “Merlin’s beard, James, it was a bloody prank! Maybe if you hadn’t been so wound up about Evan’s lately you would have enough sense to pull that fucking tree branch out of your ass.”

“Don’t you dare bring Evans into this, this has nothing to do with her,” James snapped, “You could’ve killed him, Padfoot, or gotten him turned into a werewolf. Moony would’ve been expelled, locked up maybe. Maybe even bloody killed!”

“But none of that happened! So why the bloody hell does it matter?” Sirius argued, crossing his arms.

“You’re so hell bent on your hatred for Snape that you put one of your best mates in danger,” James yelled, “Don’t you dare tell me you didn’t know full well how much danger Snape would be in by sending him to the Shrieking Shack, that’s bullshit, Sirius.”

Sirius turned his head then, his eyes falling on Remus and Lily. He smiled cruelly, not looking at James, but at Lily, who was struggling to figure out what had happened.

“I thought you of all people would be grateful for me giving Snivellus what he deserved,” Sirius said airily. James looked to see what-- or rather, who-- had distracted Sirius’ attention, his expression changing to slight horror as Sirius turned back to him, raising his eyebrows mockingly, “Less competition for you then, right? Evans would’ve been all yours.”

“Is that true, James?” Lily asked quietly, trying to keep the hurt and confusion off her face.

“No,” James muttered, not looking at her. He glared maliciously at Sirius, “You’re a right bloody prick, you know that?”

“Piss off, James,” Sirius rolled his eyes, “You’re not all that either.”

“At least I don’t stake my mates lives on some bloody need for vengeance!” James accused, his voice rising.

“Go to hell,” Sirius shot back.

James looked on the verge of tears, he was so angry, but he smiled manically, “See you there, mate.”

Sirius snarled some extensively long and detailed insult about where James could put both his wand and his ‘fat mouth’ under his breath, then shoved past James and to their dormitory.

“What-- what exactly... happened?” Lily asked hesitantly, “Is Sev okay?”

James just looked at her, a different sort of anger flashing across his face. Then he shook his head, as if he was disgusted with every single thing in the world, and pushed the portrait door open. The fat lady audibly protested to the fact that it was past two thirty, and no student should _ever_ be awake at this time, but James ignored her complaints, disappearing without another word as the portrait closed behind him.

“Remus, what...?” Lily looked at Remus helplessly.

“Hang on, I need to sit down,” Remus said, “My ribs are killing me.”

“We should take you to the infirmary,” Lily said, the corners of her lips turning down in concern.

“I’ll be alright once I sit down,” Remus assured her, “I can perform the healing spells on myself in a bit, anyway, it’ll be much less complicated than going to the infirmary.”

Lily helped him onto the couch, then sat down next to him, “So.”

Remus sighed, covering his face with his hands, “Sirius and Snape have always, er, clashed. As you know.”

Lily nodded, despite the fact that Remus wasn’t looking at her, “Yeah.”

“Well, um, recently Snape played a large part in getting something very, um, important to us, confiscated. By Filch,” Remus continued, “You know the Shrieking Shack got it’s name from me?” Remus laughed bitterly, “It’s where I go when I change. Basically there’s a tunnel under the Whomping Willow that takes you to the Shack. Sirius thought it’d be a good idea to let slip to Snape how to get to that tunnel. And be met by me.”

“He realizes one of you could have _died_ , right?” Lily looked aghast.

Remus shrugged, “I doubt it. Sirius hardly ever thinks things through completely. And he’s never really taken the whole ‘werewolf’ thing entirely seriously. It’s why he’s not apologizing, and why it’s a miracle James hasn’t put his fist through a wall yet.”

“But that’s so thick!” Lily exclaimed.

“He’s Sirius,” Remus sighed, “He was never intending to hurt me. He just wanted to fix things.”

“And fix things meant putting someone’s life in danger?” Lily asked, astonished.

“It’s complicated,” Remus mumbled.

They sat in silence for a moment, listening to the crackling of the fire and Remus’ slightly labored breathing.

“He saved Severus’ life, you know,” Remus said quietly after a few minutes had passed.

“Who?” Lily asked, confused.

“James,” Remus clarified.

“He did?”

“Sirius told him what he did,” Remus explained, “And James actually understood the complete stupidity of it and rushed to warn Snape. He actually risked his life, you know. I could’ve killed him too. Or bitten him. I’m not sure which is worse, to be honest. But Prongs-- James, sorry-- stopped Snape right before he got to the Shrieking Shack... pulled him back.”

“That was very... noble... of him,” Lily managed awkwardly. She wasn’t quite sure what to say, nor why Remus was even telling her this, but she knew, somehow, it mattered that James had saved Sev’s life, despite the fact that Sev was no longer a part of her own.

“James is a better friend than I could’ve ever asked for,” Remus said thoughtfully.

“You should go get some rest, Remus,” Lily said in response, “Do you want help fixing some of those injuries?”

“I think I’ll manage,” Remus slowly got up, only flinching slightly as he did so, “I can always wake Sirius up and make him help me. I doubt he’s even asleep after the row he’s just had with James.”

“Aren’t you angry with him?” Lily asked.

“Slightly irritated, yes,” Remus shrugged, “But I know he never meant _me_ any harm. Sirius is... careless at best. But he would never purposely hurt the people he loves.”

“You’re a good friend, too,” Lily said, genuinely hoping to convey how much it was true, “Goodnight, Remus.”

“Goodnight, Lily,” Remus smiled kindly at her, then limped towards the boys dormitory and out of sight.

Lily moved to the chair closer to the fire, now far too deep in thought to fall asleep.

* * *

James returned to the common room when the faintest light started to show, he supposed it was almost five in the morning, but the digital watch Remus had given him stopped working every time it was around too much magic, and had read two in the afternoon for the past six weeks, so he really had nothing to back up his estimate of the time.

He supposed everyone would be asleep in their dormitories by now, and he wouldn’t have to talk to anyone. However upon entering the common room he found Lily Evans, who, though very asleep, was not in her dormitory. She was curled up on the massive chair by the fireplace, looking entirely small and infinitely beautiful. But the last thing James wanted to do right now was talk to her. He started across the common room towards his dormitory, trying to be as silent as he could manage, but he only made it halfway across the room before he stubbed his toe and let out a string of loud curse words.

Startled from sleep, Lily sat up quickly, looking quite disoriented as her eyes scanned the room and fell on James, “Potter?”

“Go back to sleep, Evans,” James said harshly, hurrying towards the stairs.

Lily rubbed her eyes, a frown forming on her face as everything seemed to come back to her. She stood up, “Wait, James.”

“What?” James asked sharply, turning around and looking at her coldly, “Want to yell at me about what a big fucking prick I am? Horrible friend, right? Oh, and _Merlin’s Beard_ am I awful to Snape. Something along those lines, right Evans? Don’t even bother, you’ve told me enough times, I can hear it in my head if I try hard enough.”

“That’s not--”

Lily’s bottom lip was trembling, and James sort of hated himself but he continued anyway, “Really? What then, Evans? Please enlighten me on whatever new thing I’ve done wrong for you to criticize.”

Lily tilted her chin up slightly, her expression now matching James’, “I was actually going to tell you how brave it was of you to save Sev’s life. But if you’re going to be a massive prick about it, maybe I _will_ inform you of exactly how terrible you are.”

He glared at her, and she noticed a dark bruise forming on his cheekbone. Something within her twinged at the hurt look in his eyes, but she kept her face defiant.

“It’s not even worth it,” Lily shook her head, and James watched her get up and leave, feeling completely alone. He’d somehow managed to fuck things up with both Lily and with Sirius-- the only two people he even remotely wanted the company of in that moment. He sat down on the couch, in front of the charred remainder of the previous night's fire, and placed his head in his hands.


	8. Kiss and Make Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James hits his head, Sirius apologizes, and Lily loses her shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pfft-- okay, so, basically, i messed up the posting order. so take this chapter instead of the one i posted two days ago.  
> -j

_Girls Dormitory, October third, 1977_

Lily stormed into her room, kicking off her shoes and sitting down on her bed in a huff. What was his _problem_? She had been about to _thank_ him, about to tell him how courageous he was for what he’d done. And yet-- how could she be so utterly stupid? He was James Potter. Maybe he was capable of doing the right thing every once in awhile, but she was a fool to think he had really changed. He was still the same rude, arrogant boy he’d always been. She’d been wasting her time thinking otherwise.  
She let out a loud groan, which was probably a mistake on her part, because Alice sat up in bed, rubbing her eyes, and frowned at her.  
“What are you doing up?” Alice grumbled. Her frown deepened as she realized that Lily was still in the same clothes she’d been wearing the previous day, “Have you even gone to bed yet? Merlin, Lils! Are you okay?”  
Lily crossed her arms, “Yes, I’m perfectly alright. I just fell asleep on the couch... Go back to sleep, Alice. You have to be up soon anyway.”  
Alice, however, had already taken the liberty of climbing out of her bed and walking over to Lily’s. She sat down next to the girl and put her arm around her. Lily leaned her head against Alice’s shoulder.  
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Alice pushed.  
“It’s nothing,” Lily sighed, “It’s stupid, really. I’ve just managed to get in another row with Potter, that’s all.”  
“At five in the morning?”  
“Don’t give me that look, it’s complicated.”  
“Fine, go on.”  
Lily sighed, “Things hadn’t even gone back to normal after our last row but somehow we’ve gone and gotten in another one.”  
Alice squeezed her shoulder gently, waiting for Lily to continue.  
But Lily didn’t know how to explain the way she felt. It would be simple to say that she was angry with him, but it was more than that. Somehow he had managed to trick her into believing that he was good, of all things. And for some reason she felt betrayed. Mostly, though, she felt like burying her head in a pillow and screaming.  
“I just don’t get it,” she mumbled to Alice, “One day he’s this great obnoxious prat and the next he’s this knight in bloody shining armor who just wants me to be happy, and somehow that’s more obnoxious than when he’s a prat! And then other days he’s…”  
“Actually alright? Really, Lily, the more you complain about this, the less sorry I feel for you,” Alice brushed a piece of hair out of Lily’s face with the hand that wasn’t around her shoulder, “That being said, as your best friend, I am technically required to listen to you whine about your strangely conflicted feelings for the gorgeous captain of the Quidditch team, so.”  
Lily looked at Alice, narrowing her eyes, “Did you just call him gorgeous?”  
Alice rolled her eyes, “Please, Lils.”  
“I mean, I guess if you’re into the ‘messy hair’ and the ‘tall, dark, and handsome’ thing, sure.” Lily scrunched her nose, as if the idea of James Potter striking anyone as attractive repelled her.  
“So you think he’s handsome.” Alice grinned at her, wiggling her eyebrows.  
“Please don’t make me say that,” Lily sat up, smoothing out her jumper, “I just don’t get it. How can he be so incredibly rude and distasteful and unbearable but also… not?”  
Alice just shrugged, “Oh, please, Lils. So he has temper tantrums. He’s a boy. Boys are _inherently dumb_. Now are you going to keep whining or will you at least try and get a few hours of sleep? Because if not, Dorcas is going to be pretty upset. She depends on you being asleep around this hour so she can sneak back in from her nights spent shagging various members of the Quidditch team.”  
Lily’s eyes grew big, and Alice shook her head, climbing back into her own bed, “Not that member of the Quidditch team. Now get some sleep before I jinx you.”  
* * *  
Lily awoke after her roommates, blinking the sun out of her eyes. She felt groggy and disoriented, after just two hours of sleep, and it took her a few moments to remember where she was-- that she was at school, in the room she shared with four other girls, not in her own sunlit room back at home, the one she’d shared with Petunia until she was eleven. Her head hurt a little-- it was difficult to lift it off the pillow-- and her stomach ached with a kind of nausea she hadn’t felt since the morning her mother had died.  
There was a tapping at the window, which was covered in a thin layer of morning frost, and Lily opened it gingerly. In fluttered her tawny owl, a letter firmly clamped in its beak, shaking drops of freezing dew from its feathers. Lily carefully removed the letter from its beak, apologizing to it for her lack of treats, then opened the window once more so it could return to the owlery.  
She examined the front of the letter prior to opening it, then did so carefully, reading the words slowly at first, then faster as their meaning hit her.

_My dearest Lily,  
I wish I could be writing to you on better terms, I really do. Last month, our neighbors-- you remember the Mulligans, I imagine, they had a son a year or so older than you-- they left on holiday. They were only supposed to be gone for a week or so, though when they didn’t return on time we didn’t really worry. Helen always had a way of convincing Thomas to stay a little longer whenever she fancied a place. The Missing Person's report was only filed a few days ago, but last night it was retracted. They found the bodies, Lily. Hovering in the air-- six of them. The Mulligans and three others. All dead. No signs of injury or struggle.  
All dead.  
Lily, I don’t know what is happening at that school of yours. I know we have never really been close, and I know the last several years have torn us further apart than I ever could have imagined, but if there is any kind of information, anything-- Lily. I’m scared. For you, your sister. For myself, I suppose. What do we do?  
Your Father _

Lily could feel herself blinking back tears as a feeling of panic rose up within her. She quickly crossed the room to her bag and pulled out a quill, ink, and parchment, then began to scribble her reply.

_Father,  
Leave the country. Go somewhere remote. I’m not sure if you’re in more danger because you’re linked to me, but it may be smart to use a different name. Please stay safe.  
With love, Lily._

It was brief, but the sense of urgency her father’s letter had bestowed in her kept her feeling too dizzy to write much more.  
The tight panic in her chest intensified as she reached the owlery, constricting her lungs so she could manage only short, anxious breaths. Her hands shook as she attached the letter to her owl’s leg. She watched the bird fly out into the sky, kept her eyes on it until it was just a speck on the horizon, blurred by tears she was fighting to keep away.  
She sat down on the stairs, then, no longer able to maintain her composure, and let herself cry. Within minutes she was sobbing. Full, body-shaking sobs. The previous night’s events seemed so very far away from where she sat now. She was terrified. For her father. For Petunia. For herself. Her chest ached with cold air and tears.  
* * *  
James hurried up the stairs. Maybe, if he posted the letter fast enough, he could still make breakfast on time. With everything that had happened the previous few nights-- losing the map, trying to retrieve the map, Sirius’ stupid bloody ‘prank’, getting in another row with Lily-- he had forgotten to send his father a birthday message. He’d been sitting by the fireplace, brooding everything over, when he’d remembered. It felt like such a miniscule event to him, in the grand scheme of things, but he knew his father would be hurt if he didn’t hear from his son.  
He hopped what he still wasn’t sure was a trick step-- Sirius insisted vehemently that it was, but Remus insisted equally as strongly that it wasn’t-- and paused when he heard someone crying. It sounded familiar. The noise brought him back to a day two weeks or so before-- on the Quidditch Pitch. A part of him realized that he knew who was crying, and he found himself quickening his pace as he made his way up the stairs. His father’s birthday card and his longing for breakfast forgotten.  
“Hey,” he was sore from tackling Snape to the ground and from the fight that ensued, and so he was slightly out of breath when he reached the top of the stairs.  
Lily looked up at him, traces of tears sparkling on her cheeks, “Potter?”  
“Yeah.” It hit him that this was not the day on the Quidditch Pitch, that they had been yelling at each other merely a few hours ago. But her eyes showed no sign of contempt for him, “You, uh, you okay, Evans?”  
He suddenly had a thought that filled him with dread. What if he was the reason she was crying like this, all alone on the steps of the owlery?  
She shook her head ‘no’-- she was not okay-- and looked back at the floor, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand.  
“Because of me?” James asked tentatively.  
She shook her head again and James felt a rush of relief flow through him. He looked at the letter in his hand and slid it into the back pocket of his jeans, then sat down gingerly next to her and cautiously placed a hand on her leg.  
“Do you maybe… want to talk about it?” She looked at him through the curtain of her hair, frowning slightly, so he tacked on, “I mean, if you want to.”  
“Why are you being nice to me?” Lily’s frown deepened.  
“Lily I--” James ran a hand through his hair, pulling at it in frustration, “I never intend to not be nice to you. I just... slip up sometimes.”  
“Oh,” Lily said quietly.  
“I’m sorry,” James continued, “I was really upset with Sirius and I didn’t want you to yell at me so--”  
“So you started yelling at me instead?” Lily interrupted, hurt and confusion evident on her face.  
“I’m sorry,” James repeated, trying not to let his temper get the best of him. She had every right to be upset with him. He couldn’t blame her for that. “I didn’t handle it well. I’m sorry.”  
Lily paused for a moment, then murmured, “Okay.”  
James remained quiet, realizing his hand was still on her leg. “You said you’re not up here because of me, though...?”  
“No,” Lily sighed, “Unfortunately you’re not the only cause of distress in my life.”  
James let his lips turn up into the smallest smile, “I’m going to pretend that was a compliment.”  
Lily hiccuped, something James could only assume was caused by crying so hard.  
“If you’d like to talk about it, the offer still remains.” He found himself rubbing her knee gently with his thumb. He wasn’t even sure if she realized he was doing it or not.  
Lily reached up to wipe at her eyes again, “I suppose it might help.”  
She smelled like lavender and lemongrass. He tried not to let it distract him too much. He hadn’t moved his hand away, but he was becoming increasingly more aware of the warmth of her skin, through her tights, beneath his palm. He tried to remind himself that he was supposed to somehow be comforting her, but she was so distracting in and of herself.  
“It’s stupid,” she muttered.  
“I doubt it,” James said quickly, “You are a lot of things, Lily Evans, but stupid is definitely not one of them.”  
“I got a letter from my dad today,” she paused, sniffling a little. He resisted the urge to wrap his arms around her. “And it made me realize just how serious all of this--” she made a half-hearted gesture, “--is. I thought that coming here would somehow change my life for the better, you know? And in some ways, it has. But also…” She trailed off, searching James’ face with her eyes, “You wouldn’t get it.”  
“How am I supposed to know if I get it or not if you don’t tell me?” There was no trace of frustration or teasing in his voice. James was being serious, rare occurrence though it may have been.  
“It’s just… I’ve spent my whole life idealizing all of this as some kind of wonderful hate-free place and then… And then I get here and my best friend decides that he hates me because of who my parents are... and people look at me different, James!” She looked at him long and hard through the tears that had begun to steadily trail down her face again.  
“What do you mean, Lily?” He used her first-name in a way he couldn’t remember having done before. Her name felt strange on his tongue-- not bad, but different. Like he finally knew the girl who it represented.  
“I’m muggleborn, James. I know that’s what people think of when they see me. ‘Oh, there goes that mudblood again. I wonder when she’s going to get what’s coming to her.’ One in six muggleborn wizards are victims of the attacks, James. They see me as a statistic,” she looked at her hands, “I see me as a statistic.”  
“If it helps, Lily,” James began, allowing himself to take his hand off Lily’s knee and sling it around her shoulders, ignoring the stupidly selfish warm tug in his lower gut,“I don’t see you as a statistic. I know it’s not much coming from me, but I don’t. I see you as bright, and funny,” She turned her head a little more towards him, “And beautiful.”  
She stiffened a little under his arm, as if trying to decide what to make of the last bit, but relaxed after a few seconds, turning her head back away from him, allowing her curtain of hair to swing between them again, “I’m terrified, James.”  
“Honestly, Lily, I think you’re allowed to be.” She leaned against his shoulder-- just a little bit. If he hadn’t been so focused on her, he wouldn’t have noticed it. In that instance-- the very millisecond Lily Evans’ head touched his shoulder-- James Potter realized his purpose in life. Or his purpose in that moment, and the moment on the Quidditch Pitch. His purpose, it seemed, was to console Lily Evans. It seemed both kind of dumb and strangely important to him. Like somehow this girl’s happiness was entirely interdependent with his own. He decided, of course, to keep the thought to himself, because Remus would point out that No, James, that’s not how it works, and Sirius would probably disown him.  
“What’s it like to know you’re safe? That they can’t touch you because you’re a pureblood?” Her voice was muffled against his shoulder. He couldn’t help but laugh a little.  
“Please. I’m practically the biggest blood traitor there is. Well, besides Sirius. But he’s more of a disappointment than anything.”  
“Right, but at least you’re technically in good company.”  
“You’re joking, right? Remus is a bloody werewolf, Sirius basically told you-know-who to go fuck himself, and Peter can barely open a door without falling over. We’re a great big lot of disappointments.”  
Lily removed her head from his shoulder. Though her cheeks were still wet from where there had once been tears, she was no longer actively crying, “But what, exactly, makes you a blood traitor?”  
“That’s easy. I fell in lo--” He broke off, realizing what he had been about to admit. He quickly unwound his arm from her shoulders, and stood, awkwardly, “let’s call it teenage rebellion. I, uh, I have to go post this letter.”  
She blushed, “Yeah, I should be off too. I have an essay or something.” She flitted down the stairs before he could say another word, and he turned, trudging towards the owls, the tips of his ears bright red with embarrassment.  
“Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid,” He cursed himself out loud, “James Potter, you are an absolute imbecile.”  
***  
He wasn’t sure how he wound up on the Quidditch Pitch. His feet had just carried him there, and his brain had little say in the matter. He removed his broom from its hook in the locker room almost mechanically.  
He flew around the pitch five and a half times before anything went wrong. His mind was starting to clear at that point-- things were feeling less blurry, and the blood was beginning to recede from his ears and face.  
He heard the bludger before he saw it, whistling, the way they did during games. Something about it didn’t feel right, though. His adrenaline spiked suddenly, and his brain was no longer focused on Lily. The bludger missed him the first time, and when it looped back around he dodged it again. The third time, however, it made contact.  
The ball smashed into his ribcage, and James took in his breath sharply. His eyes clouded over with black dots. He jerked his broom quickly to the right, and the bludger hit him across the face with a sharp crack. He could feel hot blood running from his nose onto the already-slippery handle of his broom. The last thing he could hear before blacking out was Sirius’ voice from far below, spewing loud profanities.  
* * *  
Sirius Black hadn’t punched anyone in a very long time. It wasn’t that he was suffering withdrawal or anything, it just had been an exceptionally long while since his knuckles had made high-speed (or even low-speed) contact with someone else’s face. Having James and Remus to hold him back from fights had greatly reduced the amount of punching he had been involved with in the last few years.  
He was already in a sour mood. He’d barely gotten any sleep after he’d yelled at James to go to hell, and the fact that James had been absent at breakfast had left him feeling angry and somewhat nauseous. The moment he saw Mulciber and Avery, though, standing on the Quidditch Pitch, laughing up at someone high above them, his knuckles ached, and he knew he was going to throw a punch or two that day. When he realized exactly who they were laughing at, he knew was going to throw more than just a punch or two, and possibly rip someone’s head off to boot.  
He hexed Mulciber first. It seemed like the smartest move, as he was the one actively waving a wand through the air. He then shouted a quick “Arresto Momentum!” towards the sky-- from which his best friend appeared to be plummeting. He silently thanked Remus for making him actually learn the damned spell, and ran towards Avery, tackling him to the ground. His first punch landed squarely across Avery’s jaw, and the second broke his nose. Sirius would have kept hitting the prat across the face until his face was nothing but a pulp, but Avery was struggling to get free of the pin Sirius had him in, and James, though his fall had been slowed, lay on the ground with his leg bent at what did not seem like a promising angle.  
Sirius got off of Avery, who grabbed Mulciber (whose fingers were still bent all the way backwards and turning a brilliant shade of purple) and ran back towards the castle. Sirius then rushed over to his friend, knelt down beside him, and frowned.  
James was still breathing, which was both a relief and a pain, as Sirius both enjoyed the company of his best friend but also couldn’t remember the levitation charm that was safe to use on humans, and he ended up having to lug his blacked-out captain all the way back to the castle. He was about a hundred meters away from the greenhouse when Peter, awaiting his herbology tutoring, spotted them.  
“Padfoot, is James alright?”  
“What does it bloody look like, Wormtail? Give me a hand here, mate.” Peter slid under one of James’ arms and proceeded to do his best to help Sirius get him into the castle.  
* * *  
Later, Remus met them in the infirmary. The shadows under his eyes looked darker than usual as he looked down at James, asleep in the bed, the white sheets pulled up to his collar bones. Madame Pomfrey had managed to heal his leg and ribs fairly easily, and there was a line of tape over his nose where it was broken. She hadn’t been able to do much about the bruising around his eyes, nor the bruising on his ribcage, but he still looked better than he had when Peter and Sirius had dragged him in, covered in their friend’s blood.  
“Well,” Remus began, looking down at their friend, “I’d say this has been an interesting week.”  
“You could say that, yeah,” Sirius rubbed at his knuckles, “Look, Moony…”  
Remus shook his head, “It’s alright, Sirius.”  
“But it’s not. I get it now. And I didn’t in the moment. Maybe, like James said, because of my stupid desire for revenge or something else, but I was a massive prat. I didn’t take all this seriously. I didn’t take you seriously. I’m sorry.” Sirius looked at the back of his hands self-consciously.  
“I forgive you Padfoot. Really, I do.”  
“Do you want to hug it out?” Sirius offered sheepishly.  
Remus sent him a sharp look, “Not particularly.”  
“Fair enough,” Sirius sighed dramatically, “I suppose I’ve got to earn back the physical affection.”  
Remus cleared his throat loudly, intending to wholeheartedly ignore Sirius’ comment. He looked down at James, “So how did this happen, exactly?”  
Sirius grimaced, “Avery and Mulciber. They cursed a bludger. I was, uh, sulking around the Quidditch Pitch and I saw them…”  
Remus nodded, “I see. Can you assure me that they’re not bleeding out somewhere in the castle?”  
“Maybe,” Sirius responded, “Though it’s entirely possible that they are.”  
“Hey, you great big prats,” James’ voice, heavy with sleep, interrupted the two.  
“Good morning, sleeping beauty. Or evening, I guess. You have officially slept the day away, you lazy git,” Sirius beamed down at his friend, all his previous contempt from the night before having disappeared, “What did you think you were doing, getting the shit beaten out of you like that?”  
“Don’t think this changes anything, Sirius. I’m still angry with you,” James muttered, looking up at Sirius.  
Sirius’ smile fell, “Prongs...”  
“What?” James snapped, “I’m not just going to forgive you because I’ve been injured. That’s not how it works.”  
“I saved your fucking life, you git,” Sirius said coldly, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice, “The least you could do is thank me.”  
“Thanks,” James said shortly, “You can go now.”  
Anger flashed across Sirius’ face. He took a step back from the bed.  
“I can’t believe you,” he snarled.  
They glared at each other-- neither one willing to give in first and look away. Remus uncomfortably played with the cuff of his shirtsleeve and Peter, oblivious to what was going on, sat on a chair near James’ bed and furiously scribbled out an essay.  
After a moment, James said, “I asked you to leave.”  
Without another word, Sirius turned and stalked out of the infirmary.  
“Prongs...” Remus started.  
“What?” James reached up to run a hand through his hair. This, however, caused him to flinch in pain and he quickly gave up on the action, “You’re telling me you’ve forgiven him?”  
“Yes, James,” Remus said matter-of-factly, “I have forgiven him.”  
“I can’t believe you’d let him get away with this, without any sort of reprimand,” James huffed, “Especially you, Remus. He needs to understand that he could have gotten you killed.”  
“He does James,” Remus sighed, “And it’s not our responsibility to punish him. He’s already in enough shit with the administration. Look, I know you want to protect me-- Merlin’s beard we all know you have the biggest hero-complex out of anyone in the world-- but Sirius does feel terrible about it. I’ve talked to him, I can deal with this myself. You don’t need to make him feel any worse than he already does.”  
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” James pouted. He knew he was acting like a child, but he figured he had a little room to do so, considering he’d just fallen over a hundred feet from a flying broomstick.  
Remus shook his head slightly, clearly restraining from rolling his eyes, “Alright. How’re you feeling?”  
“Like shit,” James grinned, “Everything hurts.”  
“I’d assume so,” Remus said thoughtfully, “I can go see if Madame Pomfrey can help with that, if you’d like.”  
“That’d be great, thanks,” James said appreciatively, “Where is she, by the way?”  
“Where is who? Pomfrey?” Remus frowned down at him, “Does your head hurt, Prongs?’  
“Evans. Why isn’t she here at my death bed?”  
“You’re not dying, James. You can go back to harassing her in a day or so.”  
“No, Moony. This is important.” James struggled to sit up, then stopped when Remus glared down at him.  
“Really, Prongs. I think you might have hit your head a bit harder than we initially thought. You and Evans…” Remus trailed off, unsure of whether or not he should remind James that he and Lily weren’t on particularly good terms.  
“No we made up. I think. Right before I went to the Quidditch Pitch we--” a look of horror slipped onto James’ face and he looked up at Remus, eyes serious, “Moony, I almost told her. Earlier. It almost slipped out.”  
Remus stayed quiet, and Peter finally looked up from the parchment in front of him.  
“I’m going to get Madame Pomfrey,” Remus said eventually.  
James nodded and leaned his head back against the stack of pillows behind his neck. He closed his eyes, willing himself to fall back asleep. The feeling he’d been trying to escape on the Quidditch Pitch had returned, and now his entire body hurt too. This was really not turning out to be his week, he decided.  
* * *  
“I don’t know _why_ you’re dragging me back up here,” Sirius grumbled, trying to pull away from the grip Remus had on his arms.  
“Because you and James need to kiss and make up,” Remus snapped.  
“James doesn’t _want_ to make up with me, in case you hadn’t noticed. And hell if I’m kissing a prat like him.” Sirius gave another yank, but Remus’ hold was firm.  
“I don’t care,” Remus continued down the hallway at a pace much too fast for Sirius’ liking, “I’m going to force him too. And it’s an expression, Padfoot.”  
“Good luck with that,” Sirius rolled his eyes, “James is even more stubborn than I am.”  
“Like I said,” Remus said sharply, “I don’t care.”  
He dragged Sirius the rest of the way to the infirmary, pulling him roughly over to James’ bed and shoving him into the chair next to it.  
“What are you--”  
“Shut up,” Remus said in a very commanding, very uncharacteristically-Remus voice, “You’re done defending my bloody honor. Forgive him.”  
James raised his eyebrows, looking back and forth between Remus, whose arms were now crossed, and Sirius, who was glaring at Remus menacingly.  
Remus stared back at him, “Go on. Tell him you’re sorry.”  
“Why are you treating me like a child?” Sirius demanded.  
“Because you’re acting like one.” Remus responded simply.  
Sirius fought the urge to stomp his foot-- the only thing really stopping him was the fact that he didn’t want to prove Remus right. Instead, he took a deep breath and turned towards James. “I’m sorry, Prongs. Really, I am. I know I fucked up. I get that now. You... you have every right to be angry with me, I know... But please,” Sirius swallowed, “Please forgive me.”  
James sighed, then flinched-- Sirius assumed it was due to his injuries. He looked down at his hands, away from James, feeling, for once, vulnerable and insecure.  
“I forgive you,” James said, quietly, his pained expression softening slightly.  
“You do?” Sirius looked up in surprise. He really hadn’t expected James to give in so easily.  
“Of course I do,” James let a small smirk fall onto his face, “You’re a prat, but you’re also my best mate.”  
“I would hug you right now if you weren’t so bloody injured and I wasn’t so bloody heterosexual.” Sirius grinned.  
“If you’d have hugged me, one of those might’ve changed,” James winked at him.  
“Thank _Merlin_ ,” Remus said loudly, “I cannot deal with the two of you quarreling. You both get terribly whiny, you know that?”  
“I was heartbroken, Remus,” Sirius said dramatically, clutching at his heart as he did so, “You insensitive prat.”  
Remus merely sighed in annoyance, neglecting to answer.  
James tilted his head back, laughing, until pain flashed across his face. “It hurts to laugh,” he groaned, “Nobody say anything even mildly humorous. I will hex and un-forgive both of you.”  
Sirius stuck his tongue out a James, who immediately did the same in response.  
“Children!” Remus threw his hands up in the air, as if completely exasperated. With that, he turned and left, calling over his shoulder on the way out, “You’re both children!”  
“So...” Sirius turned to James, “What’s this Peter told me about you nearly confessing your love to Lily?”  
“Go back to not talking to me, prat.”  
“I’m just saying-- that was incredibly stupid.”

_The library, several hours later_

Lily hadn’t been to a single class all day. Something in her stomach didn’t feel right-- whether it was from her father’s letter earlier that day, or her encounter with James in the owlery, or from ditching her classes for the first time in her life, she didn’t know-- and her feet felt heavy. So she sat in the library, surrounded by stacks of books she hadn’t even bothered to open.  
Remus Lupin approached her carefully, as if she was time bomb about to explode in his face. He sat down gingerly in the seat across from her.  
“So,” he began, “You seem upset.”  
She sighed, placing her forehead against the table, “What makes you say that?”  
“You have out three copies of ‘Potions and Passion’. You don’t strike me as the romantic novel type.”  
Lily groaned, “It’s that obvious?”  
“It’s pretty obvious, yeah,” Remus flipped through said novel with some kind of pleasant interest that probably shouldn’t have been there. Then he set aside the book, frowning at her, “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. I actually came here for a different reason.”  
“Did James send you? Because I’m not sure I want to talk to him right now.” Lily lifted her head off the table, frowning at Remus.  
“Not sure?” Remus raised his eyebrows.  
“I’m just confused, I guess,” she scrunched up her face, as if in distaste at the whole concept of confusion. She recalled the look of exhaustion James had worn, though he hadn’t mentioned it at all in his effort to console her. His lip had been split open and his right cheek had been bruised, his eye just the slightest bit swollen. She wasn’t sure how exactly he’d gotten the bruise-- she’d been too preoccupied to ask-- but she assumed he had somehow acquired it while saving Severus. The funny feeling in her chest had returned, then, when she’d noticed his injuries. She’d found that she didn’t like the idea of James being bruised and battered. It was a thought that had startled her-- primarily the feeling of caring and protecting that came with it.  
“James told me he thought you made up,” Remus said slowly, bringing Lily out of her thoughts and back to the library.  
“We did... I think... it’s not that,” Lily bit her bottom lip, “It was just weird. All of it. I’m confused.”  
She looked as if she was in some sort of a daze, reflecting back on something-- her conversation with James, Remus assumed.  
“Sorry, you said James sent you?” Lily asked.  
Remus declined mentioning that he _hadn’t_ actually said that James had sent him. Instead, he folded his hands together, resting his chin on top of them so that he was face to face with Lily, “Not exactly. Though it is sort of about James.”  
“I don’t want to talk about our conversation earlier, either,” Her frown deepened.  
“I promise it’s not about that. It’s just…” Remus’ eyes flicked over her face, and as they did it struck her that something about Remus seemed older than his friends, like somehow, over time, his being a werewolf had worn him down, until he was older than he ever should have had to be, “James sort of… got hurt earlier.” He finished his thought lamely, unsure of whether or not to fully explain what had transpired on the pitch.  
“Is he alright?” Concern flashed through Lily, and her earlier musings were proven right. She _really_ didn’t like the idea of James being bruised and battered.  
“He’s going to be fine,” Remus watched her carefully, “You know, I’m sure he wouldn’t be opposed to you visiting him in the infirmary.”  
She rolled her eyes, sitting back into her chair in what would have appeared nonchalant if her eyebrows hadn’t been knit together in concern, “I’m not sure Remus. I know we made up and all... but it’s more complicated than that. I really doubt he even wants to see me.”  
“I’m pretty positive he does. Anyways, you’re free to drop by whenever. He and Sirius finally made up and all but then Sirius just had to go and get himself kicked out and I have several homework assignments which I haven’t even started yet and Peter…” He trailed off, “Well. Peter’s Peter. I’m not sure what we really expect there.”  
Lily nodded, unsure of how to respond, and opened one of the numerous books in front of her in a desperate move to end the conversation. Remus stood without any formal kind of goodbye, leaving the library as cautiously as he’d entered, leaving Lily alone at her table once more.  
Once she was absolutely sure he was gone, she lay her head back on the table. What was wrong with her? What was this newfound distaste of thought of James Potter injured? This was the boy who had tormented her best friend and her for years, who had enchanted bugs to fly into her hair, shagged multitudes of her friends, and acknowledged her existence only to humiliate her.  
And yet, he was the boy who had sat with her earlier that day, and held her while she cried. She forced herself to take deep, calming breathes. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to come to terms with whatever she felt for James Potter. It seemed to her that he was in a state of constant flux, and for some reason, she was exactly what disrupted who he was.  
And, though it struck her as a little self-centered, she thought that maybe, just maybe, it was her job to bring out the good in James Potter, as annoying and absolutely confusing it was.  
She checked the library clock-- she still had enough time to stop by before dinner.  
* * *  
It ended up taking quite a bit of time for her to visit James. Sure, she rushed out of the library and to the infirmary, but once she was outside the entrance to the wing, clutching her bag against her chest, she froze up. She was nervous; her heart was thudding against her chest. She could have stayed there all evening, too, in the archway of the hospital, and completely missed dinner, had Sirius Black not sidled up next to her.  
“Fancy seeing you here, Evans.”  
Lily felt her heart drop down to her knees. She wasn’t sure if she had the right to be angry with Sirius Black-- he had risked the life of two (or at least, one) of her friends in the last two weeks, but she hadn’t really be involved with the argument. And Remus and James had both already chosen to forgive him.  
She kept her response cool. “I was under the impression you had been banned from the infirmary, Sirius.”  
“From being inside it, yes. From hovering around outside like the creepy bastard I am? Yet to be banned. Though I am expecting that to happen fairly soon.”  
“I see.”  
“So why are you hanging about? I never pegged you as the creepy bastard sort.” Sirius eyed her thoughtfully, “Come to James’ deathbed? Took you long enough. We all got pretty sick of him asking about you. _‘Where’s Evans? I miss Evans. My head hurts.’_ That’s what gets you kicked out of an infirmary, by the way. Yelling at people with concussions to shut up. Well... that and hexing a few dozen chocolate frogs.”  
Lily couldn’t decide which comment to focus on. It was all sort of confusing. James had asked about her? _Her_? Without the intention of bothering her? Articulating a response to Sirius was proving difficult. He smirked at her, then turned away.  
“Anyways, Evans. I’d make a decision about whether or not you’re saying your final goodbyes. Visiting hours are over at eight. And if it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty sure he’s unconscious at the moment.”  
* * *  
James seemed smaller to her as she took her seat in the armchair next to his bed. She could tell Remus had been the last person to occupy it, as a copy of the Prophet rested on the over-stuffed arm. She was grateful to see that Sirius hadn’t been lying-- James was sound asleep, snoring softly.  
In that moment, she realized she’d never visited someone in a hospital setting before. There was the one time-- when she’d been supposed to visit her gram. But her family had arrived at the hospital (a five hour’s drive from their home) only to realize that she’d used hospitalization as an excuse to miss a family holiday and gamble.  
Therefore, Lily was unsure of what to do with herself. She was almost positive it would be considered rude to pick up the Prophet and start reading, but it was not like she could have a conversation with an unconscious James Potter. She could barely hold a conversation with a conscious James Potter. She tried to think of what her mother would do, if she were there.  
It was then that Lily Evans did one of the most humiliating things she’d ever done in her life. She placed her right hand over James’ left one and proceeded to lightly rub her thumb over his wrist. It felt oddly natural.  
Then, James exhaled particularly loudly, and his eyes fluttered open. Lily gasped, jumping out of her chair and hurrying out of the infirmary, her face flushing almost as red as her hair.  
* * *  
James’ vision was blurry when he first regained consciousness, and the only thing he could seem to focus on was the color red. He wondered if he was supposed to be seeing red, or if he maybe actually was suffering from a severe head injury. He blinked a few times and shifted his position slightly. It was at this moment, however, that the red thing he was having trouble focusing on abruptly moved. James frowned as the red started moving farther away and he suddenly realized that this red blob was more than just a red blob but an actual person with actual red hair.  
James sat up suddenly to a spinning room, just as Lily disappeared through the archway. He groaned and closed his eyes, trying to stop the spinning. When he opened his eyes again, Lily was gone, and he found himself questioning whether she had actually been there in the first place or if she was just a concussion induced figment of his imagination.  
He lay back down, looking over at the empty visitor’s chair and trying to ignore the feeling of disappointment settling in the pit of his stomach. He was just about to close his eyes and try to fall back asleep when he noticed a bag resting next the chair. He sat up again, the room only spinning a small amount this time, and leaned over the side of the bed to pull the bag closer to himself. He flipped the flap of the bag over, reading the carefully embroidered name on the inside, and smiled slightly to himself. He found that he was feeling much better. Sure, his ribs still hurt when he moved too suddenly, and the pounding in his head had only reduced to a dull throb-- but he felt well rested and his mind was much more clear than before.  
“Madame Pomfrey?” he called out. He was the only one in the infirmary, and he waited just a few seconds for a response before taking things into his own hands.  
He slowly climbed out of the bed, careful not to cause himself any sudden pain. His clothes were folded neatly on the bedside table and he slowly pulled his trousers on, then shrugged off the hospital gown and tugged on his shirt. He lay the hospital gown on the bed, then opened Lily’s bag again and searched through it for a piece of parchment and a quill. After scribbling a quick message to Madame Pomfrey-- thanking her for her assistance and explaining that he’d taken the responsibility of releasing himself from the infirmary (he promised to be careful, so he figured she wouldn’t mind)-- he replaced the items in Lily’s bag, swung it over his shoulder, and ever so slowly started making his way back to the Gryffindor Common Room.  
Maybe he wasn’t feeling _that_ much better, he thought, as he limped down the hallway. However, he didn’t care to spend another minute in that blasted hospital bed. He’d never been found of hospitals and the like, anyway. His own bed, he decided, was much better.  
* * *  
Remus, Sirius, and Peter returned from dinner, comfortably full. They all agreed on an early night-- after staying up hours the night before. Sirius and Remus were arguing about whether or not they should sneak into the infirmary to check on James before the went to bed. Sirius argued that they should, just in case James was awake and feeling like company. Remus argued that they shouldn’t, as there was no chance that James would be awake and checking in on him would be pointless. They were saved from having to come to an agreement when they entered their dormitory to find none other than James Potter, sitting up against the headboard of his bed with his eyes closed and a slightly pained expression on his face.  
“James, _what_ are you doing here?” Remus immediately asked.  
“What does it look like I’m doing?” James questioned. He opened his eyes to look at his three friends, attempting to give them one of his award-winning grins. It ended up looking more like a grimace.  
“You were good to go?” Peter asked innocently, “Madame Pomfrey thought so?”  
James nodded surely, “Oh sure. Definitely. That is one-hundred percent what happened, Peter.”  
Remus sighed, causing Peter’s face to fall. “ _Clearly >_, she didn’t. She’d never let you out in such a state.”  
“Well, Madame Pomfrey didn’t exactly think so. I, however, disagreed.” James held a hand against his ribcage as he sat up and move forward, attempting to stand up.  
“Ohhh no you don’t,” Sirius immediately crossed the room and (gently) pushed James back onto the bed.  
“Why Prongs, I never,” James gasped dramatically, “What a way to come onto me!”  
“Shove it, Prongs,” Sirius shook his head, “You’re clearly in no state to be moving around. How the bloody hell did you even get here?”  
“Slowly,” James said through gritted teeth, “And carefully.”  
“We need to take you back up there,” Remus said responsibly.  
“Moonyyy,” James whined, “Please don’t make me. I’d much rather be here than there. I’ll heal better, too, if I’m somewhere I want to be.”  
“That’s not how it works, James,” Remus chastised, “You’ll heal better where there’s a _healer_ to take care of you.”  
“Madame Pomfrey was nowhere to be found!” James protested, “Besides, you can be my healer.”  
Remus looked over at Sirius, “Can you at least back me up on this one?”  
“I’ll fight the two of you off,” James interrupted, before Sirius had a chance to respond, “And that’ll just injure me even further. Do you really want me to be in more pain than I already am?”  
Sirius looked over at Remus apologetically, then shrugged, “I mean, I’m not going to fight  
him on it.  
Remus groaned, “You two are unbelievable.”  
James grinned (grimaced) again, “Good. I’m glad we’ve gotten that out of the way. Now we have more important matters to attend to.”  
“You’ve been unconscious nearly all day,” Remus crossed his arms, “How can you possibly have been effectively scheming with serious head trauma?  
“I haven’t been _scheming_ , Moony, and I really don’t appreciate the low standards you seem to have for me,” James pretended to be offended, “Anyway the important matters involve Lily. And her bag.”  
“What on earth are you talking about?” Sirius raised his eyebrows at his friend. He briefly thought that Moony might have been right about taking James back to the infirmary-- then decided against this, more out of loyalty to James than anything else.  
“She came to visit me in the infirmary,” James explained.  
“Did she?” Sirius asked, looking intrigued.  
“Yes,” James nodded, “Well. I didn’t exactly see her. I woke up and she was leaving. But she left her bag next to my bed on accident, and for some reason I decided to take it with me when I left. So now I somehow need to give it back to her.”  
“And this is an important matter... how?” Sirius looked perplexed.  
“Well I can’t just walk right up to her and give it back to her,” James said, as if this was obvious.  
“Why not?” Peter piped in.  
James looked at Peter as though he’d said something completely ridiculous, “Because that would be _ludicrous_ , Wormtail, that’s why.”  
“But--”  
“No. It’s completely out of the question.”  
“What’ll you have us do, then?” Remus asked hesitantly.  
“Don’t worry, Moony, I won’t drag you into this one,” James waved a hand in his direction, dismissing him. “Sirius. I need you to sneak into the girl’s dormitory and leave it next to her bed. Preferably while everyone is sleeping.”  
“And at what part of the grand plan do you actually speak to her?” Sirius questioned.  
“I don’t,” James frowned at Sirius, “Why would I want to speak to her?”  
“Maybe we should’ve taken you back to infirmary,” Sirius looked at James uncertainly.  
“Thank you!” Remus interjected from across the room, where he was now in bed, reading a book.  
“I’ve _never_ seen you pass up an opportunity to talk to Evans before...”  
“This is different,” James assured him.  
“How is this different?” Sirius asked incredulously, “If you ask me, this is the perfect opportunity to go and chat her up.”  
“It’s… complicated.”  
“Hasn’t it always been complicated?”  
James sighed. “Please, just do this. For me.” Sirius remained quiet, his eyes narrowed at James.“C’mon, Padfoot. Please?”  
“Fine. But only because you’re on your deathbed.”  
“He’s not dying, Padfoot. He’s just stubborn.” Remus turned a page in his book, seemingly uninterested in the rest of Sirius’ and James’ conversation.  
* * *  
Sirius Black had every intention of fulfilling his dear friend’s wishes. He had Lily Evan’s bookbag tucked under his arm, the stupidly cryptic note that James had insisted on writing carefully stored within the main pocket. He navigated the stairwell to the Common Room carefully, as to not damage what James had dubbed ‘incredibly precious cargo’. (Though, really, Sirius would have to go incredibly out of his way to somehow harm the several weathered textbooks and well-used quills Evans clearly found essential.)  
He made it all the way to the Common Room before abandoning his noble quest to deliver the bag to said owner. There were several factors in his decision to give up and pawn the task on to someone else; the first being that someone else was available to have the task pawned off to, and the second being that the armchair in front of the crackling fire, the one occupied by one Frank Longbottom, was incredibly comfortable and rarely vacant.  
It was one of those two birds, one stone scenarios that happened so rarely to people like Sirius, that he could hardly pass up the opportunity once presented to him. “Oi! Longbottom!”  
Frank Longbottom looked up from whatever piece of parchment he was scribbling on, clearly surprised to find another soul awake at that hour of night. “Sorry, what, Sirius? I was a bit distracted.”  
Sirius frowned, “Just said your name, mate. Trying to get your attention.” He approached the other boy, adjusting Lily’s bag beneath his arm, “and since I have it, I was hoping you might be able to do me a small favor.”  
* * *  
Lily Evans awoke to golden light and a sinus headache. Neither seemed particularly out of place. Her bed was, after all, situated in such a way that it faced the large eastern window, and she had fallen asleep crying. The day prior had been something of an emotional rollercoaster.  
Honestly though, as the new day grew around her, things seemed to be looking up, if only in the slightest of ways. For starters, as she cast her gaze around the room, she noticed that someone had found her bag. If she had to guess, she would have put her money on Alice, who had spent the later hours of the night before trying to calm Lily down as she had frantically run around the castle in her fruitless search for said item.  
She untangled an arm from her sheets, reaching for her bag, which was resting atop her bedside stand, knocking a bottle of ink to the floor as she pulled it towards herself. She froze for a second, half-sure that the clatter would awaken the other girls in the dormitory (and as it was at least an hour before they needed to get up, she didn’t particularly want to disrupt their beauty sleep), but there was no other noise but the soft inhaling and exhaling of her friends.  
Lily sat up, pushing her tangled red hair from her eyes before opening the bag, running her fingers along the spine of each book to make sure each was accounted for. She paused as her index finger pushed up against a folded piece of parchment she didn’t remember being there. Curious, she removed the parchment and unfolded it carefully, squinting at the slanted writing across it with eyes still bleary from sleep.

 _Thanks for checking up on me, Evans. Think you forgot something, though.  
-J_  
Lily found herself caught between the desire to smile and the desire to smack James Potter. She settled for a slight upwards quirk of her lips, if only because she doubted James would be awake at that hour, and slid the note into her bedside drawer.


End file.
